Am I unreasonable to limit my 16-year-old son's girlfriend staying over?

[BySillyHiker]

My 16 year old son has been dating a girl for the last 3 months, since he has finished school and now doing exams he had her staying over most nights we are now on the 6th night in a row. Ive said to him nicely you can't have her over every night. Plus he is doing exams and staying up late till 1am. I feel like I have no space in the house. feeding an extra person feels like I have an extra person living in the house, im doing all the pick ups and drop offs. already trying to manage the house with 3 younger children. My partner is at work all day till 7pm and says im being miserable about it.
I think my son is planning on having her over every night as they cant seem to be apart from each other. Im starting to feel stressed buy it all as have no privacy.

I wouldn’t be letting her stay over at all.
YANBU to say no. You are unreasonable not to have done it before now.

I wouldn’t have it at all!!

I wouldn’t have her staying over at all especially during exams!

When you say are you doing all pick ups, do you mean from her house?!

Just stop it all now.

It sounds like she's basically just moved in without any discussion.and your DH is comfortable with this?

You both sound comfortable with her staying overnight so maybe say that's okay a couple of nights a week?

Have you communicated with her family? What are their views on what is happening?

3 months and she’s sleeping over? Errr no. I must be ancient because to me that’s all manner of wrong. I would not be having any girlfriend at that age and of that duration sleeping over and certainly not during exams.

Too young to be living like a domesticated couple. At most once a week. Mine would have been in a separate bedroom too.

Omg no way during exams. Just tell him after exams she can stay one night each weekend.

Good lord - no frickin way would she ever be staying over at 16.

Parent up FGS @BySillyHiker

He is in the middle of his exams FFS (let me guess, he’s doing sweet FA revision?)

and…

he is 16!!!!! And they’ve been together 3
months

Why is she staying over at all, is this a joke? What are you thinking? Have you other children? Is she underage?

You need to have a chat with yourself.

Don’t worry you’re not alone. The vast majority wouldn’t be ok with this in the slightest

I’ve never let boyfriends or girlfriends of my teens stay over, ever. That’s my personal choice and it’s a valid one. Just say no.

My 16 year old Ds has been with his GF for about 11 months and they do stay over at each others’ houses about once a week at weekends .

This wouldn’t be happening mid week or when exams were on though (as they are for both of them too) .

What strikes me as strange is what’s her home situation? Are you in touch with her parents as you could really do with both sets of parents on board to be more hardline about this. Are / is his parent ok with this as she’s doing exams too? I am in regular contact with his GFs mum (I know I am fortunate in that -we have similar rules and boundaries about things such a when sleepovers were ok to start/ contraception etc) so we have joined forces.

You do have my sympathies re not getting a minute with him and an extra person in your house. It really affects both your relationship with your DS and the dynamics of the house. I have had this for the last few months with 19 year old DDs BF. I haven’t had a look in with her for months - she’s not in education and they are older but it’s still annoying!

No definitely not. I don't let my 16yo's boyfriend stay over at all. He lives in the next town, there's literally no need at this age.

I wouldn’t have let her stay over at all, especially over exam time. They’re 16 and been together 3 months, there’s no need for sleepovers.
I’d have said once a week on a weekend after exams

This. Why did you allow it to start?

I think those who are saying not at all are unreasonable. Can you ask him to limit to two/three nights a week? I think that is reasonable and no more lifts. If she has no way of getting there she stays put.

Your son is doing his GCSEs and has his GF stay every night? Is this even real?

If so, you need to start parenting and having some boundaries in your house for everyone’s sake.

So my rule is over 16 you can have sleepovers after dating for at least 6 months and I need to have spent time with the boyfriend / girlfriend on multiple occasions so I know I'm happy having them in the house overnight. My eldest is 18, doing A levels right now, and has sleepovers during school holidays only. We've not had to put in a limit for number of nights but at 16 it wouldn't be more than one at a time. This will not be changing for the younger siblings.

I'd be talking to them both and pointing out how important GCSEs are and telling her to go home until after they had finished. That gives you some space. Then put in place some rules, err on the side of caution, you want rules that you will be comfortable with for all your children and all possible partners.

Do you have kids @ToadRage ?

And make sure your son is using condoms even if the girl says she's on the pill. You don't want grandchildren yet.

No, but i was 16 once and this was my mum's rule.