Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Why do old people think it's ok to criticise your parenting?!

49 replies

Tinkjon · 23/06/2008 11:23

DS (9 months and was in the pram at the time) just got asked by an old lady "why haven't you got any shoes on?!". Firstly, how irritating that she felt she could indirectly criticise me by talking to him! But how rude anyway... I often seem to get this from old people - why do they think they can just tell you you're doing it all wrong? Surely that's a MIL's job? I started to reply along the lines of "well it's really bad for them to wear shoes until they really need them, it can damage their feet" etc. but I couldn't be arsed so just said "er - because he can't walk yet." Daft woman.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cupsoftea · 23/06/2008 11:25

often they just want a small chat & this is their opening gambit

RosaLuxembunting · 23/06/2008 11:26

My DD3 refused to wear socks. Random old ladies were constantly stopping me in the street to tell me her feet were cold
I also remember being told off in M&S when DD1 was a few weeks old because 'carrying her around in a sling like that is not safe'.

cheesesarnie · 23/06/2008 11:27

probably because lots of people think its ok to be rude about elderly people so they think theyll get in first.

honestly though sounds like she was trying to make conversation.we get worse comments from all ages.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

Tinkjon · 23/06/2008 11:31

She really wasn't making conversation - she just said it in a snappy voice and walked straight off! LOL at a sling not being safe, Rosa!

OP posts:

kitbit · 23/06/2008 11:33

It's worse here in Spain, babies are public property. I kind of like the whole "raised by the village" thing but not when everyone else in the village keeps giving ds bloody chupa chups lollies ARGH. When he was a baby we were out one day waiting to cross the road, I was looking away watching the traffic and I felt the pram shift a bit so looked back - an elderly spanish lady had fished ds's socks out from under his blanket and was putting them back on his feet..... very kind and caring, except it was nearly 30degrees which is why I'd taken them off in the first place!

youngbutnotdumb · 23/06/2008 11:34

When my DS was about 9 months he had really raw patches of eczema on his cheeks and there was an old woman with what I assume to be her GD when the little girl said hello to him her GM pulled her away and told her to stay away from the baby unless she wanted to end up with a 'broken' face like him! I was absolutely fuming!

cheesesarnie · 23/06/2008 11:46

zebedee1 · 23/06/2008 12:00

An interferingoldcow lady in the Dr's surgery told me that I should have DS's strawberry mark surgically removed "or he'll get teased at school".
Also fuming!

KatieDD · 23/06/2008 14:19

How do you resist going, oh fuck off ?
I don't and gets me in trouble but i can't think of anything else after 3 hours sleep.

thebecster · 23/06/2008 14:28

There was an old chap on our road who used to make comments about DS not wearing socks, having sun in his eyes blah, blah... But I always said 'hello' and now we always stop for a chat whenever we cross in the street. He was just lonely, I guess.

But... when I was with DS at drs once, there was an old lady who did this to every single parent (big, very full waiting room), talking to the kids, not directly to parents but the whole 'It's a shame your mummy hasn't buttoned up your cardigan' thing. I'd been up for 48hrs because DS was on steroids & not sleeping and was stressed beyond belief. She got around to me and said to DS 'Your mummy shouldn't let you climb there, you could fall over.' And I said (can't believe I actually did this) "Oh, I thought it was rude to make personal comments telling strangers what they should do! I'm so glad that it isn't, it give me a chance to say that your glasses are the wrong shape for your face, your skirt needs a wash and you've dyed your hair a very strange colour. Thanks for giving me a chance to get that off my chest." She went and sat down. I am not proud of this btw, it was not one of my better moments, and I tell it more in the form of a confession than anything! In my defence I was very tired after 3 days at hospital and 2 days with steroid-toddler-from-hell

Original poster

Tinkjon · 23/06/2008 14:47

LOL, becster - good for you! I know you said you weren't proud of it, but still - good going , girl!

OP posts:

chipmonkey · 23/06/2008 15:32

becster well done! Do be proud!

juuule · 23/06/2008 17:18

I think some old people say these things as conversation openers. I do think that some parents are not very confident with their parenting and are quick to take offence where none was meant (I know that's what happened with me with my older children when they were babies).
I found it was best to take any remarks in the best possible way and assume that the person making them is just trying to be friendly or helpful towards your baby/child. Unless of course, they are definitely out and out nasty as in youngbutnotdumb's case.
And thebecstar, understandable reaction with you being tired but I can understand why you might not be proud of going ott like you did.
It's difficult to strike up a conversation with someone out of the blue but sometimes it's okay to open a conversation by speaking to the child (so indirectly to the parent). Same happens with dog-owners, I've found.

Niceychops · 23/06/2008 17:39

I find every time my baby so much as makes a peep elderly ladies demand to know if she's hungry! Tempted to say 'shit, are you supposed to feed them?'

minster · 23/06/2008 18:23

I don't have a lot of sympathy for those making these type of comments. If they want to start a conversation why can't they say something nice like 'what a beautiful baby'? I think they are simply rude.

zebedee1 · 23/06/2008 19:20

I don't have any sympathy with rude people either minster, if they want to chat to me ask me how old DS is or if he can walk yet no "you need to feed him, he's hungry"

SNoraWotzThat · 23/06/2008 19:38

No wonder why no-one speaks to each other.

My DIL was saying the other day that 'you'd dare not talk to a baby or tot in a pram nowadays as you'll get an earbashing, or they think you're odd."

Such a shame. I used to see an old lady out daily and always used to make small chit chat if I saw her with my dc's when they were small. One day she said she could go days without speaking to anyone at all.

StarlightMcKenzie · 23/06/2008 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

juuule · 23/06/2008 19:44

I've had my dad say similar, Snora. He has said on occassion he's only smiled at a child to receive a glare from the parent and the child tugged quickly away.
He has said there are a lot of nice parents out there aswell, though, who smile back or remark back (friendly) if he comments.
As you say Snora, it's no wonder people don't talk to each other.

hellogoodbye · 23/06/2008 19:49

SNora - Its not that they shouldnt talk to them, but there is no need to imply that the mum isnt doing their jobs properly. As said by somebody else, you can start the conversation by complementing the baby or asking how old they are etc. I get fed up of people telling me my baby is hungry/teething/hot/cold etc. I know how to look after her and get so annoyed when people think that I need a stanger to tell me that my baby is crying

littleboyblue · 23/06/2008 19:51

It's horrible isn't it. When my ds was about 2 months old, we were in the local shopping centre and he was quite happily sucking on his dummy. This old(er) lady came over and told me to go home and feed my baby! I was a bit shocked at the front on her and replied "I am routine feeding actually" and went to walk away, and oh my gosh do I wish I hadn't said anything. The lecture about how I should feed on demand and how cruel I am to let my dc go hungry (remember he wasn't upset) and about how these days nobody knows what they're doing blah blha blah blah.
Now I just ignore it all. My child and I'll do what I'll like!

SNoraWotzThat · 23/06/2008 20:10

I think there is a even balance in everything.
Some comments are OTT that have been said to posters on here. I do expect some aren't meant to be mean, just said without much planning, like "no shoes on". I could see myself saying it, without meaning it as a reflection on the mothers parenting skills. Words that are an observation are easy to pop out!

I think as a society we do not take far too many little things to heart when there are far bigger issues to concern ourselves with, outside our little zones.

SNoraWotzThat · 23/06/2008 20:11

sorry - was meant to say
I think as a society we do not take far too many little things to heart when there are far bigger issues to concern ourselves with, outside our little zones.

Niceychops · 24/06/2008 08:41

the one time my baby was hungry, an older lady told me she was crying because she needed fresh air!

Anna8888 · 24/06/2008 08:45

I have literally screamed in the past at old people who have lifted my sleeping daughter's head up when I was pushing her in the street (her head tended to roll forward when she fell asleep in the Maclaren) and woken her up.

Be prepared, and have answers. Including "Mind your own business".

Flip

1 2