Three-year-old refusing socks and shoes due to sensory sensitivity

[Elaina87]

Reposting this here as I didn't get any replies on the neurodiversity thread: I have a 3 year who is neurotypical in terms of communication & socially, and hitting all usual milestones. However she is incredibly sensory sensitive. She struggles with loud noises and the feel of her clothes, but the main issue we are having is with her feet and this is becoming quite a problem now so I'm looking for any advice. She will not wear any socks, and it is now progressing to refusing shoes. The only thing she will currently wear on her feet are her crocs. she won't wear trainers, sandals or canvas shoes. I have tried all sorts of socks - soft ones, ones with no seam, fun character ones she has chosen herself. Nothing works, she gets very very distressed and if i do manage to get anything on her she just takes them straight off. This morning (hot day) she actually wanted to wear her new sandals and tried to put them on but once they were on she got upset ad took them off. I bundled her in the car with no shoes on and took the sandals with me to nursery in the hope she would put them on there but she outright refused and got very upset. She went in in bare feet🙃 and i had to go home to get her crocs. She's due to start a school pre school in September and has a uniform, so i don't think crocs will go down well there although I'm sure they will be flexible if i explain. I need to try and crack this though, it's been going on for about 7 months and just seems to be getting worse. She just seems to hate the feel of anything on her feet! Any suggestions or help I haven't tried?

You went home to get them….
So her tantrum worked

Nursery needs to be on board. Ok so you won’t wear shoes? Your choice. So you can’t go outside and play or do the fun activities as it’s not safe.
Same at home.

Unless she is planning a whole life, job, etc shoe free she will have to wear them for safety reasons. She won’t ever be able to drive a car, walk in the street, do sport etc in bare feet!

Hi our youngest daughter was the same. She was diagnosed with SPD and autism.
She struggled with socks with any bits inside ( from logos etc) New shoes were a nightmare and we used to take her to a Clark’s shop where they were very good with her and would also adapt the soles for her gait ( Hypermobility)
Sounds like she needs to see a specialist OT for a Sensory Integration assessment. A diagnosis should help with adjustments at school ( though shouldn’t really be necessary)
There’s a great book called The Out of Synch Child has Fun. Lots of low cost sensory activities.

The link below is more specifically for feet and tolerance. Good luck.

https://www.steppingstonesforchildren.com.au/what-to-do-when-your-child-hates-wearing-shoes-and-socks/

Why move her to preschool? Keep her at nursery where things are a lot more flexible.

Have you tried barefoot shoe brands? Wider toebox, slimmer zero drop sole etc so they might create fewer sensory issues for her? We wear Vivobarefoot, BGreater and Igor (they have a barefoot range, as well as some non barefoot shoes) - there's a really good website called happy little soles that stocks various brands and they're happy to give advice etc. That being said, my neurotypical nephew had such bad sensory issues with socks at a similar age, it lasted at least a year and my sister tried all kinds of different socks for him too with no luck, I think she also just let him wear crocs a lot, he eventually just seemed to grow out of it being an issue and is now primary school age and has no problem wearing normal socks.

Just to say that we had 2 years of this with my very neurotypical daughter so please don’t necessarily assume that it has to be caused by ND. (Obviously in some cases it absolutely is though.) Bamboo seamless socks from the sock shop saved our life - still buying them 5 years later. Clothes were a nightmare for us, but she’s mainly out of that phase now (thank goodness!!)

I have to agree that a pre-school with a strict uniform doesn’t sound like a good fit for her. Are there alternatives?

I knew would get a response like this! Thank you, but not helpful and not how I roll with a 3 year old. She won't be refusing to wear socks and shoes when she is 18, I am sure of that. She has just turned 3. Just looking for some suggestions that don't involve causing her more distress when she is clearly struggling. Also - please do come and attempt to put them on her feet (good luck in her keeping them on - she is fully able to take them off herself). She wore crocs for nursery so she was safe to be outside - lots of children wear them in the summer.

We are still in the middle of this with my 16 year old who has autism.

What works for us:

• super soft socks in a size too big. You can get very soft fabrics via websites that specialise in sensory issues. But always, always a size too big.
• DS wears little knee high hose under his school socks. It just adds a layer between sock and skin that allows less friction
• talcum powder sometimes works- but it's a bit hit or miss with him

Have you tried bamboo socks? My NT child hated wearing socks and shoes and would take them off whenever possible but he loves bamboo socks.

Clothes are still a nightmare for us. At home he just wears boxers and sleeveless vests as he can't stand the feel of fabric against his skin.

I’d just let her wear crocs, get in touch with school now to make sure they’re on board, if they’re not willing to be flexible you may need to think about keeping her at nursery or finding a different preschool. I don’t actually think preschools are allowed to have strict uniform rules as the DC are not mandatory school age anyway.

My DD went through a phase of only wanting to wear dresses when she was 2.5-3 but she did grow out of it.

My son went through a few years of wearing fluffy bedsocks with slightly large shoes before they became intolerable. Then it was a couple of years of tight football socks and now seamless bamboo for the last 3 years probably. Even when hes found the socks he can tolerate it still takes multiple attempts to get them on and the shoes would have to go om immediately.

He is 13 now and generally can put them on in one attempt.
We did have to just keep putting socks on even though it would take half an hour or so to get him to keep them on but there was no real alternative as he'd never tolerate crocs material.

We have been there and it is so tough! Daughter is 6 now and we have strategies but it still hard. Things we have found help a bit…

• bamboo socks or dance socks
• Choice - playing out 3/4 pairs of shoes and socks
• putting shoes and socks on while watching tv or having a snack
• jumping up and down when socks are on - changes the sensory input- ‘jumping the itch out’. Or trying putting socks on then squeezing feet all over with your hands like a massage to change the sensory input. Or pushing with soles of feet hard against your hands.
• you will have to be ahead of the game with talking with school. If this has been going on for 7 months it’s not going away soon. all school settings have a duty to provide adaptations if needed. Don’t be ashamed of it. It’s a small things on what you describe as an otherwise coping well child.
• my daughter wears boots to school rather than shoes. When things are really bad she won’t wear socks but fleece lined boots are a good option.
• keep toe nails really short as the nails increase the sensation against the sock

Sorry long answer but you can see we have been through some strategies! We’ve just been on holiday and she didn’t wear shoes for a week. A bit odd but sometimes you have to pick your battles and accept kids for who they are. Good luck

OP, Sensory Processing Disorder can stand alone, or co-exist with other ND conditions, most commonly ADHD and ASD. So it's entirely possible she has SPD but otherwise is NT. Or, it might be that any other ND is not yet evident.

The sockshop bamboo seamless socks changed our lives. These ones: https://www.sockshop.co.uk/products/sockshop-plain-bamboo-socks-with-gentle-grip-and-handlinked-toes-black/?colour=Black&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=18021101647&gbraid=0AAAAAD_G6wGrWqGu5xWSTAhBe3Lto_DHK&gclid=Cj0KCQjw2_TQBhCnARIsAF3-XhySAT1ulWWO2T45pThMYLf-sbBLly5RUosxJbkj0ej2KBSIGJ4kJzcaAjRVEALw_wcB

They do not last well, but they're cheap, and therefore I didn't care.

And yes to shoes stll being an issue though - buying new school shoes was, for years, a test of endurance and grit for me and DS. As he got older, he understood that he had to come up with something tha tcould work, and we made a point of buying the sort of overpriced shoes that tend to mould to the foot. Also ones that never ever came anywhere NEAR his ankle bone - that was a huge issue for him and even now, he's sensitive to any shoe that gets too close. The chances of him ever wearing a boot are, in my opinion, slim to zero (he's 15).

Character.com pyjamas were another brand that worked for us. The ones with the very light cuff around the feet. He hated the feeling of them riding up if they didn't have that cuff. I haven't bought any for a while but when we stopped needing them we had found they had a few optins that were very snug fitting. (DD actually liked those but they would have been a disaster for him), so if you do look at those options, keep that in mind.

H&M was our other go to brand - the very lightweight, very flimsy t-shorts, shorts, joggers (and for girls, dresses and leggings) were the ones most likely to be tolerated by DS. DD also appears to have very mild sensory issues so they all got passed down to her with a few dresses/legginngs added in.

What worked for my son was wearing socks inside out. He was eventually diagnosed AuDHD at 15yrs, as he was seemingly NT with some quirks until a teen. Hitting milestones, academically advanced, etc. He's actually OK with socks now, but I still have to remove tags from clothing.

Also, even for me, and I think I'm NT, I can't bear my toes feeling trapped. I put socks on, but then pull the toe end away about an inch, before putting on my shoes.

Yes my son is being referred now at 13.
I also can have massive reactions to shoes being too tight so of it's hot and ny feet have swollen a bit it makes me insane. I never had this before having children but at least I can understand somewhat how it might feel for him.

I'd actually speak to the school tbh, they might be really good with sensory issues.

My DD's primary school is amazing with DD's sensory needs. She doesn't have to wear the school trousers or shoes ( she wears black joggers ) and she wears her crocs frequently to school.

If it's a sensory issue, it won't go away x

Hi, we went through the same thing.
Every morning was a nightmare. It got so bad that we were anxious from the moment we started getting ready until we got to school. We tried everything: different brands, different fabrics, different sizes.... nothing seemed to work.

Sometimes we'd buy socks they were really excited about, and then refused to wear them the next day. But little by little, it got easier.

We're not completely past it. We still have difficult mornings sometimes. One thing I've learned is not to make socks the main focus. When it's time to leave, I usually go outside and get the scooter ready and leave them to sort out socks and shoes. I've noticed that when my DH steps in to help, it can sometimes make things more stressful.

I honestly can't tell you what changed. I just know that it slowly got better with time.

I really sympathize 💞

Thank you, I will have a look at those brands!

Thanks so much! This is reassuring... I'm hopeful she will just start to find it easier

Thank you, yes I'll definiltey talk to them and I'm sure they will be understanding. I have another child at the school and i know they would be flexible with this sort of thing. I'm just hoping she will in time, be able to wear the right shoes.

Thank you so much!

I'm pretty sure they won't be strict about it and will make that adjustment for her. It's just in the long run I would like to try and get her in the right shoes.

The school will be flexible I'm sure, and her current nursery has a uniform for the preschool part too so not that different.

Thank you, I appreciate all the suggestions and will give them a try!