Is it acceptable to say I genuinely enjoy parenting?

[Boymama87]

I feel like at the moment, my social media is full of people telling me how it’s ok not to enjoy parenting and that we’ve all been told for too long that we should love and enjoy it but no one does. But what about if I do enjoy it? I feel like I’m not allowed to express that because otherwise I’m making people feel bad who are finding it hard/not enjoying it. Me enjoying it, isn’t to say I don’t sometimes find it hard, I obviously do. I have a 5yo, 4yo and 6m old and no village other than my husband who works full time, but whilst there are hard moments and I feel overstretched at times, my over riding feeling is that of contentment, happiness and just fully embracing living in the chaos. Anyone else feel this way? I just feel things have swung in a direction of where you’re considered a bit weird or that you’re lying if you say you actually enjoy having half term with all your kids at home etc

You can feel and say whatever you want. I love having my 3.8 year old with me most of the time. He's currently awaiting assessment for Sen and is basically non verbal so it's bloody hard, but I absolutely love being with him. Everyone likes to be negative, it's nice to see some positivity 😁

Definitely express it! I haven't got children, so I can't talk about it from that point of view but from the point of view as a person hearing about it and it's amazing to hear.

One of my friends has children and she is such a good mum, she also absolutely loves it, when she talks about her children or being a mother her body language completely changes from how she is when she talks about eg work, and you can tell from that and her tone of voice how much she loves her children and loves parenting them and it makes me so happy to see it.

It's so lovely to listen to someone talk about something they love/are passionate about, anyone who cares about you will love hearing your joy.

Skip SM.

I do as well, and I know what you mean. When I'm out, especially in some circles there is the expectation that we all need to moan about how awful it is.

But truthfully? at this stage (obviously that can change as my son gets older) I love it. I'd rather spend the day out with him than doing most "exciting" or "fun" activities that adults without kids do... and I think I will really miss it when he is older and I can't go on days out with him and enjoy how happy/excited he is.

That said, I know neither side is right or wrong, and it isn't something we can choose or control, just as you can't realy choose or control any other likes or dislikes in your life.

YANBU- my children and husband are my favourite people, I love being a mum and spending as much time as possible with my children. Love the school holidays 🥰

Its great you feel happy and content with where your life it at- be true to yourself, express it and enjoy it! 😊

What? Why would you think it's not OK to enjoy your children?

I think you need to get off social media OP.

This is such a lovely post! My friend yesterday said me and DH 'light up' when we talk about our son and it was the sweetest thing to hear, because we felt like we were going on about him too much 😅

I think you should stay off social media - surprised you have time! I have found parenting hard, have 1 toddler, but im very happy to hear others really enjoy it. It’s fine for anyone to feel whatever they want about parenting

I also love parenting and got flamed the other day for saying I’m glad I don’t find it hard because I was worried I would. Apparently I’m not allowed to say that I don’t personally find it hard without offending everyone 🙄🙄

Of course it is. And in real life most people do.

if your views are being so skewed by social media then it’s time to come off it.

Aw I truly love having the kids home. Mine are teens now so starting to feel like our time with them still at home is so very precious.

I have honestly loved every stage of having them. From snuggly little breast feeding bugs whose heads smell of biscuits, through to toddlers who are excited by the entire world, climbing trees, playing in mud, scooting, swinging, jumping, to primary school music performances, camping trips, teaching them to bake, swim etc…

I now have my 2 beautiful, funny, kind teenagers, one of whom is halfway through exams, always hanging out with their mates, girlfriend, having sleepovers, playing sports, getting into fashion and generally being cool. I honestly feel so lucky. Love them to blinking pieces! 💕🥰☀️

It's true nowadays there's a skew in parenting circles in being very vocal about all the negative aspects of maternity. Not just on social media, I see this in my friends too. I was really worried I would find it impossibly hard before having my first because the bad bits were all I was hearing. Also, I suppose they resonate more with someone without kids because you can understand how hard it is to be sleep deprived, or the relentlessness of additional chores. It's much harder to explain in tangible terms that the high you get from creating a person and loving them with all your heart, watching them explore the world, and the meaning that gives your life is worth it. I think it's important for people who have a good experience and who truly enjoy it to say it, to balance it out.

I love it, I am though a parent to an incredibly low needs , self sufficient and very emotionally stable no nonsense child and, I have the benefit from my mum of being shown what not to do as a parent so that’s massively helpful. I also am financially secure and have a decent marriage. So my liking being a mum is partly, well no very, helped by that. I also know that despite my best efforts I will have emotionally damaged her in some way and for that I regret my selfishness in having a child so that’s hard. She will be one more damaged human I’m sure and that will be down to me.

I had a colleague who had a few kids and had remained and had a child with the new partner and also had her children as well. He moaned and slagged them all of constantly, I don’t think he meant it, it was just something he did. I had a visceral reaction every time. Your choice mate shut up.

You feel like you can’t express it and yet here you are doing exactly that. If those posts don’t relate to you, just ignore them. Bean soup theory and all that.

Society has shifted to a point where it is ok to be honest about struggling with parenthood. That’s a good thing.

I enjoyed it - enjoyed the teen years as well.

It was hard work and not every moment was filled with joy but overall loved it.

I've encounted posters on here who insist evey mother is miserable or deluded and playgroup in RL where everyone seem to relentlessly negative even a MIL who hated being a mother and insisted I would - she's loved being a GM.

I also now get told my kids must have been easy - diagnosed ADHD dsyelxic dyspraxic and close together in age -and we had house moves and money issues with serious accidents thrown in and a child with underlying health issue. We had no help babysitting or childcare even when accidents meant one of us was in hopsital . Yet family recently insisted I had it easy and had no idea how hard it was with one suspected not even diagonsed ADHD child.

I'm not advocating it for anyone else - it's not for everyone - but yes saying it was good or fun experience can get very frowned on.

I suppose if someone is struggling it helps them to hear others are too, and is equally actively hurtful for that person to hear how well others are doing. Whereas if you are doing great it doesn't matter really, you can just enjoy your life. And so the feed skews to the ones who are struggling.

I'm someone who struggles not because I don't inherently enjoy parenting but because I was widowed when my child was very young, in very sad circumstances. I'm doing a lot better now but I would have been very upset to see posts about how much someone was loving life and parenting back then. It can come across as insensitive even if that was never the intention.

I haven't found that on SM, my algorithm must be very different than your. But also saying patenting can be difficult, challenging, frustrating at times is not the same as not enjoying parenthood.

I love parenting but when my baby was waking 12 times a night it was hard, I still enjoyed it, but it was really hard. And I appreciate the other parents saying how hard it can be instead of the constant, it will be fine if you just get them in a routine, dark room, sleep train bla bla bla.

I haven't run into anyone saying they don't enjoy parenting ( I'm sure there are plenty of people who don't). But it's a bit like having your dream job that you love doing, but your still allowed to complain about the commute, the annoying boss or that IT takes forever to fix your issues.

No, you must hate it. You’re not allowed to enjoy it because social media says so 🙄

Is nice to hear when people are enjoying parenting! Definitely avoid social media if it’s detracting from your enjoyment

To be fair, there are regularly posts on Mumsnet of people saying how hard and unenjoyable they find parenting, and in general responses agree with them. “When will it ever get easier” type posts are very common

I enjoy it too - of course there are difficult times but I’d never go back and not have kids

Social Media is a lot of nonsense and competitive misery is something that gets likes and clicks.

It's completely normal to enjoy parenting. Not every minute, but most of if.
I have enjoyed almost every aspect of being a parent (despite having a deaf child, a child who had sepsis and a teen who has experienced a significant mental health crisis.) They are teenagers now, and are brilliant people who I love spending time with. Of course they can be absolute numpties at time, but what human being isn't?! They are still my favourite people and to be their mother is always a privilege and never a burden.

You are lucky to enjoy your kids! Step away from the social media bollocks and have fun :)

Yes, I think most people enjoy it and some really love it. You hear more about people who are struggling because by definition they are the ones asking for help.

In terms of writers, influencers etc, 30 years ago it was really hard for women to talk about being unhappy as a mother. I remember when books like Rachel Cusks' were seen as genuinely shocking. Now things have flipped the other way and it's absolutely standard to talk at length about hating the day-to-day stuff and how you can't wait to drink a vat of wine at 7pm, and someone speaking genuinely about the joy of it all is either breaking a taboo or else dismissed as a bit dim or lacking in ambition or a trad wife. Not sure which is worse tbh.

It's literally everywhere though - on here and SM yes but also news articles, out and about, just generally I find.

Of course it's good people can be more "real" about things and honest about the not so great bits, but it's quite extreme in some cases. Like pp have said it feels like if you post or say something positive you get jumped on for "rubbing it peoples face" or they assume you're somehow massively privileged.

I also hate how so many people still insist it's "taboo" to talk negatively about their children/being a parent when it is quite literally everywhere.

Thanks all for your replies. I probably should have been a bit more detailed in my original post that it’s not just social media (although I agree maybe my algorithm is leaning this way for some unknown reason) it’s real life interactions too. The ‘how was half term’ conversations with actual friends but also the mums in the pick up line type thing where they are so happy their kids are back at school etc. I had a uni reunion last year and was pregnant with my 3rd at the time and genuinely most people’s reaction was why would you want another, it’s so bloody hard etc etc.
There are certain circumstances where I totally think it would be insensitive to be harping on about how much I love being a mum, for example the PP who was widowed, I’m so sorry to hear that and that must be insanely hard. But that’s not likely to be the case for most people and yet it just feels like I have to edit myself so I’m not offending anyone because I’m enjoying this phase of my life.
Anyway, I’m glad to hear from others who are enjoying mum life too. It’s nice to know it’s not just me! ❤️