Four-year-old wants make-up and nails, how to keep it healthy?

[Selin91]

i was firmly in the camp of no make up for my 2 DDs until they were much older. However, my 4 year old has seen me do my make up a couple of times (I only really wear mascara but she’s seen all my other make up) and has taken a massive interest in it. We went to a toy shop recently and she asked for a make up set so I let her get it but she wants to wear it every day (not necessarily to leave the house, she just likes to play with it). She also wants to come to the nail shop with me and get her nails done.

where do people stand on this? How do I make sure this is all done in a healthy way? She recently told me I wasn’t pretty and had to put make up on. I realise this was because I had said “wow that’s pretty” when she showed me her make up. I obviously corrected her and explained people are beautiful with and without make up but appearance is not everything

I know this isn’t really a big deal either way but i just want her to have a healthy relationship with her appearance and quite frankly I’m a bit creeped out by kids in make up!

The elephant in the room is that men don't wear it. 4yos aren't daft. So all this guff about it being a confidence booster, like war paint etc - why do only women need all that, just to go to work (say) or the shops? Are women so deficient in confidence compared to men?

If make up is "just to be fancy" - this only works if you only wear it on Halloween or to fancy dress parties. If you wear it everyday to work, that doesn't make sense.

As I say, 4yos aren't daft. Be honest with her.

If the honest truth is "I don't feel pretty enough without it, but I wish I didn't feel this way, and I want you to feel pretty enough without it, now and forever because you're perfect" then that'll strike truer than all these fudges.

My own mum said something much like this to me as a child. And I'm grateful for that and don't feel the need to wear make up, ever.

Times are changing, slowly. I teach in secondary school and when I first started teaching it would only be one or two girls in sixth form who wouldn't wear make up everyday (just to go to school!!) Now it's more like 50-50. They're also happy to put a cheerful sticker over a spot.

This is the generation who are open to hearing "I was persuaded by social pressure that I needed make up to look acceptable, but I don't want you to feel the same".

Or if you're fine with it, then tell her "grown women wear it to look good, so you can wear it when you're older". Personally I'd hate my dd to ever feel that way.

Yes-why don’t men do it? is a useful question when you’re thinking about traditional women’s behaviour. I also like “How hard can it be-boys do it!” But that’s another thread!

Its a really shame, because I agree with you on a lot of the stuff you say about the change in attitude.
ObviouslyamI am aware of the 'why don't men do it'?' question...which is exactly the sort of conversations I've had with my dds over the years (although ironically quite a few of their male friends now do wear some sort of makeup!) Although the men that do wear it come at it from a different place (ie without the weight of misogyny and the patriarchy weighing over them)
However you reducing my ideas about make up and the complex reasons some women wear it to, 'all this guff...', was frankly so patronising that I will move away from what has been an interesting conversation.
Good luck with your dd, OP... I am sure you will navigate your way through this bit really thoughtfully.

My mum (now in her 90s) hardly ever wore make up; washed her face with soap and water and never shaved her legs. I have worn make up every day I have left the house since I was 13! I follow all the MUA accounts like Charlotte Tilbury, Lisa Eldridge, Trinny etc. I don’t think all interests are directly linked to parents.

I'm sorry you feel patronised. I think some women can't/won't face the true reasons why they do these things because it's too uncomfortable to admit that they don't feel their looks are adequate without make up...but somehow, men's are. It comes across to me as a kind of intellectual dishonesty to wrap it up so it's something more profound. Fundamentally, there are hundreds of thousands of totally normal-looking women, around the country, painting over their faces every single morning because they don't feel their own naked face is adequate already for public view. That's a tragedy in my view and I want to rescue my daughter from it like my mum did for me. "War paint" implies the everyday world is a battlefield for women which is an even worse message for a girl, so yes I'm calling that guff.

It’s a really interesting conversation and I totally agree that many women feel inadequate or that they haven’t made enough effort without make up but I also completely agree that there are many people who wear it because they just love it as they do fashion or any form of self expression. And I have no issue with my Dd exploring that or whatever makes them happy. But it has to make them happy and that’s the key! But at this age I think it’s way too early to make it too complicated- she’s doing it purely for dress up and fun and I think all the advice here has been great

I occasionally paint my DD's (4) nails as a fun little role play session (similar to playing other things like cafes or whatever) and let her put on my pink lip vaseline pretending it was lipgloss, although that was actually because her lips happened to be a bit dry anyway. She's asked me about makeup as I put it on every day, and I simply say it's something I like to do to make me feel good, but that it's not very good for younger skin and she'll have to wait till she's older. She's been fine with that. It's better to explain something rather than an emphatic NO.

I did once buy her a toy beauty set (with things like toy lipstick where nothing comes out it's just plastic) and she had fun with it for a few weeks before losing interest. She does still love those little face gems or getting her face painted at parties. I think it's healthy to discuss these things and let them have a little fun rather than outright banning it all.

Just say no, she's too young for makeup. What next, if she wants to drive the car will you let her do that?