Four-year-old wants make-up and nails, how to keep it healthy?

[Selin91]

i was firmly in the camp of no make up for my 2 DDs until they were much older. However, my 4 year old has seen me do my make up a couple of times (I only really wear mascara but she’s seen all my other make up) and has taken a massive interest in it. We went to a toy shop recently and she asked for a make up set so I let her get it but she wants to wear it every day (not necessarily to leave the house, she just likes to play with it). She also wants to come to the nail shop with me and get her nails done.

where do people stand on this? How do I make sure this is all done in a healthy way? She recently told me I wasn’t pretty and had to put make up on. I realise this was because I had said “wow that’s pretty” when she showed me her make up. I obviously corrected her and explained people are beautiful with and without make up but appearance is not everything

I know this isn’t really a big deal either way but i just want her to have a healthy relationship with her appearance and quite frankly I’m a bit creeped out by kids in make up!

Nope, didn’t allow it here and think it looks awful on little children. They aren’t allowed either at school so that helped support my position.

I used to paint ds's toenails blue when he was 2, I wouldn't have taken him to get them done though!

Children learn form adult actions more than adult words...

You can just say "no its not for children" and that will work for now.

But it doesn't change her impression or perspective it just delays the topic. Its like parents who are on their phones all the time, but when the child wants a phone they say "oh no, children can't use phones". All it does is tell them that addictive phone use is right, but they just need to wait. And as soon as they are a teenager, and "old enough" the unhealthy use will come straight in.

I would argue it is the same with Make-up. If they are seeing the adults around them using it, commenting on how beautiful it is, spending a lot of time and effort on it, talking about aging in a negative way, being harsh on their natural looks, never going out without it etc. Then they will internalize those as the right choices for "grown-ups" and as soon as they are old enough that is exactly what they will do.

Just saying "no" for now, won't teach them healthy habits, it just delays the problem. Model the behavior you want them to have, and if you don't like them copying you, then ask yourself why.

My 5 yr old has kids makeup and water nail polish. Plays with it like any other toy, will sit down and essentially experiment on painting different colors all over her face. Loves a bit of glitter! Only rule is she can’t wear it out the house. But then we will do face painting just for fun at home and as soon as school breaks up the temp tattoos come out! It’s very much a form of creative play, she’s never associated make up with being pretty and basically just enjoys the freedom of colouring in her face!

It's a hard no.

Make up is for grown ups not for young skin.

The false nails that mummy has applied are full of chemicals and the natural nail underneath gets damaged in the process. May be have a think about that @Selin91

I would (and did) say no from a purely femininity perspective. Teaching girls-even tacitly that they need makeup to be “acceptable” is so destructive.

Absolutely not in my book! I remember being fascinated with my mum’s make up as a kid - she barely wore it but it was there - but never asked for my own. I’d say ‘yes, make up is fun for when you’re older, but it’s not for young children’.

i doubt any salon would do a 4 year old’s nails! I don’t see massive harm in putting clear or v light pink on at home for a special occasion but not a regular thing.

If you were against it you should have just said no not until you are much older. Don’t give specific age or that will be come the focus.

She’s 4. Learn to say no or you’ll be stuck with a very difficult teen. As hard as that might be to imagine now.

Not sure about that, my mother never even worse lip balm and I spent my first pocket money on an eye shadow and was obsessed by make up from a really early age. I just think it appeals to some more than others.

Looks like i am opposite to most poeple but I allow kids make up and water based nail varnish. Im careful about what I buy for DD.

We dont use works such as pretty and beautiful but fancy and dressing up even when referring to wearing make up.

I barely wear make up, never for work or everyday. More occasions like weddings. I teach make up is not needed and for myself when I do wear any, not for the perception of anyone else. I wear it because I like it not because I need it.

I don't really understand this.
I mean, I agree that we should model the expectations we have for our children... sharing, being respectful, talking rather than lashing out etc...
...but there are things that are for grown ups to manage and have access to and children need to know that... driving a car, drinking, voting and having a relationship with someone would be fairly obvious ones. Some of these things are areas where, as adults we do things with nuance that children don't understand and we help them navigate that, gradually over time, through modelling our own behaviour and age appropriate discussion.
I think make up is one of those areas. I know that there are all sorts of reasons why people wear make up, and none of those reasons are black and white. I wear make up every day, partly because I love it, but I know I also wear it as a bit if a mask... so its more complicated than that!
Personally I felt that wearing make up (if they want to) is one of those things that are part of growing from a child and entering teenagerdom on the way to becoming an adult, and so I said no to make up for my dds when they were little, and just said 'make up is something to have fun with when you are older'... as they have grown up we have had lots of discussions about the way people in social media are about looks and the way women are perceived and they have their own opinions about this.
When they were 12ish they started playing around with make up, and now they are 19 and 20 they very much wear it in a fun experimental way, but also don't mind going out without any make up on. As things stand at the moment I think they have a pretty healthy attitude to it.
I think it is ok to just say no, that is something for grown ups for things like phones and make up, as long as it is accompanied by lots of chats along the way about why.

My 5 year old has kids nail varnish which she’s allowed to wear for special things like parties and dress up days at school, but not every day use. She also has some lip balms, stick on jewels and glitter as she loves dressing up, but I draw the line at make up at her age.

My DD, 4, is a bit like this - loves the idea of make-up and nail polish. We have done her fingers and toes sometimes, or used the stick on nails (she gets bored of them after 10 minutes!!) and we've recently bought some glitter gems as 'earrings' as loads of her friends at school have them pierced.

We got her a tinted lip balm at Christmas, which again she's not massively interested in but will put on if she finds it. She's had mascara on her once, again pitched as 'costume' and very occasionally my mother has put eyeshadow on her. It's more about being sparkly than 'beautiful' - we also do the things others mentioned about being kind, strong, etc. it's hard, because she is 'traditionally' beautiful - if we go to events, I always get asked can they take pictures for their publicity!!

I don't wear make up at all and my 5 year old has been like this for ages. I have no idea where she gets it. She doesn't have any other women around that are heavily made up. We barely watch TV other than sports. She spent most of her time when not with me in an outdoor childcare setting, everyone is mostly caked in mud rather than foundation!

However, am going with it and keeping it light. The same as my son went through a heavy Pokémon stage and I took an interest. Figure making something taboo makes it more desirable. We play at decorating our faces...using face paint is one way (last year I even helped out at the school fair, putting my practice to good use!), eco friendly glitter and hair chalk (natural play make up company was recommended) stick on tattoos etc. Sometimes it might be called character make up or playing make up artist. The word artist is a lovely one really. It's just a bit fun and a way to be creative in our house rather than anything focused on beauty. We use words like 'fancy' rather than beautiful when she's got shimmer on or has been in the dressing up box. Or just describe what I see 'wow you are sparkly today!' or 'You made yourself look like a tiger/fairy/rockstar/sunset'. We keep the make up and the craft stuff in the same zone of the house. What I like about this approach is big brother gets involved too, it can fun to transform yourself.

I keep beautiful for when she's flushed with pride at having made it across the monkey bars in one go and things like that, when her eyes are shining with joy about something, when she's been clever or funny or kind and shown her inner beauty.

Reassuring to read about others who have been through this and now have older kids who could care less.

Thank you all so much for the advice and responses. I’m with @Spinningdinos about making it taboo and I don’t think make up is all bad so I want to encourage her to do whatever she enjoys as long as it’s not harmful. But I didn’t realise play make up was that bad!

Why do you wear it? I think you need to find the answer to that and that will help rationalise this problem. Why don't you want her to wear it? Do you think she's right that you aren't pretty enough without it? If she's wrong, why wear it? If she's right, there you go then, clever girl to have worked that out already aged 4.

FWIW, I don't wear make up. There's no make up that could make my 5yo dd more beautiful than she is already, she's perfect to me. But every healthy human looks great already anyway, just like you wouldn't think to put make up on your pet dog because all dogs are cute already, why do humans need it?

To the pp who made the analogy about phone use - there's no comparison, phones have so much useful and fun stuff on them like newspapers, emails and banking, but also (say) mumsnet and gaming. What is the point of make up when we all look fine already? Meh

People are not saying make up is bad just that it isnt appropriate at such a young age. There are so many other ways for your young child to have fun

Ha well I haven't given my almost 5 year any play makeup and she just gave herself some blue highlighter pen eyeshadow she put on using a broken make up brush she dug out from somewhere! Both my dd and ds like a bit of nail polish and have the peel off stuff and occasionally some of mine.
I wear a little eyeliner and mascara, and only rarely nail polish as I work with food. I am not very girly, only wear wedding ring and no other jewellery, plain clothing, and dd is as sparkly and ostentatious as it comes, Elton John is her inspiration by the looks of it 🤣

It would be an absolute no from me.

You tell she is still little and she can look forward to it when she is much older.
Im not against face painting that they fo at a summer fair and so on but I would nit be letting a 4 ( 6, 8 or 10 year old) wear make up.

I would (and did) say no from a purely femininity perspective. Teaching girls-even tacitly that they need makeup to be “acceptable” is so destructive.
Op cant use that argument as the child wants to copy mum.

I love make up and experimenting with different looks and it gives me enjoyment bit I didn't wear it until I was nearly 15.

In our house we have natural kids make up (there are a couple of brands), and wash off nail polish. And it’s just a part of play and dress up at home, and honestly it was really popular for about a week and now it’s very occasionally taken out. I think it’s possible not to reinforce societal beauty standards and let your children have some fun with these things. I still remember trying on my mums lipsticks and blush etc and clomping around in her heels when I was small. I can still smell the lipstick when I think of it. But the stuff we have at home is all very sheer and doesn’t show up much in any case

I definitely would not do make up but happy to paint nails. I have boys and as toddlers they often had a few painted toes!

If she’s focusing on being pretty / not pretty could you change it to ‘fancy’ or something else
like that instead, so when we dress up and put makeup on it’s to be fancy, but still just as beautiful as before. and tell her how pretty she is other times, and ofc give a lot more compliments on other things like her strength and bravery. I also try to link even appearance comments to something else, like how creative she is to pick out such a cool outfit.
I probably wouldn’t allow play makeup because I’m funny with anything on dcs skin, as a one off I wouldn’t be bothered about playing together and doing makeup but I would just say no to every day use personally. I would let her play pretend though with some clean makeup brushes and lip balms, she can just pretend she’s doing it like they do with other dress up games.

"Why do you wear it?"...
I think this is usually for a more nuanced reason than just one thing!
"What is the point of make up when we all look fine already? Meh"
That's like saying, what's the point of fashion? The way I used to wear my make up when I was younger, and the way I see my dds put their make up on now, its like an art form. Make up can be really fun and a way of expressing yourself, of course it can also be a huge confident booster or war paint or a way of looking sexy or a mask or camouflage for something we don't like about the way we look like scarring.
Make up has a huge and nuanced history stretching back some 160,000 years! Some of this history is problematic but it is fascinating and complex, it crosses cultures and species... as you can probably tell I think its a lot more interesting than 'meh'.
However its because the relationship and history we have with make up, as women, is as complicated as it is, that I wanted my dds to understand that it was something to learn about when they were older.

I kind of agree with some pp that make up is similar to fashion and I’d never discourage her from choosing her own outfits so it’s not that different. I obviously absolutely don’t want her to think she needs make up to be pretty and there’s been some great advice here on how to avoid that. When she wears make up it’s always to play and dress up but I don’t want this to become about being “pretty” as she actually loves it and always asks ne what I think

This.
Dont mention looks, hair, clothes, make up. Dont make it something she sees. Make it functional.
Big up her sporting achievements (such strong jumping legs, great football kicks, great ball throwing etc)
Talk about clothes in a practical way.
Be boring about the make up stuff. If she puts it on say nothing.