Next steps with potty training 4YO DD when out

[DearDog96]

Reposted from Potty Training thread to get some more traction

Hi everyone,
posted about a month ago about my just turned 4 year old who I was struggling to train. After trying consistently since then we’ve managed to get her to remain dry at home. She’s still struggling to notice when she needs a wee though and so out and about is a struggle since sometimes a toilet isn’t close enough! Because of this, DH and I have decided to put her in pull ups, while still reminding her that she should be using the toilet all the time. It seems to be working and besides the odd accident she’s doing well. The trouble is I don’t know where to go from here. I know I can’t keep her in pull ups forever, but also she can’t keep having accidents in the car or when out the house! Any advice would be much appreciated x

Wee before you leave the house and take a potty with you. I think you can get foldable ones.

I think you just have to remind her frequently and try to get her to go when you pass one if you are not going to be near the toilet for awhile. You can also bring a travel potty and get her to do an occasional wild wee if there is no other option. I would only use a pull up for something like a long car journey.

At 4, I think you need to keep her out of nappies and pull-ups- you have to be consistent. This might mean not going out very much for a few weeks, or taking a potty with you.

I agree with a wee before you leave the house. It can be a faff but you need to factor in time for her to have an unhurried wee before you leave and then another about an hour later.

We used to stick a potty under the pushchair but I guess at 4 she’s not using one?
Im sure she’ll get it quite quickly if you keep her in pants. Maybe stick a puppy pad in her car seat?

Get rid of the pull ups. She’s never going to learn whilst wearing them and you’re also sending her the message that you don’t think she can do it. On days out she needs to wee right as you’re leaving then you need plan regular toilet stops about every 1-1.5 hours where she can try. Pack spare clothes, sit her on a puppy pad in the car seat and don’t make a big deal of an accident. Preschool age kids have accidents, it’s fine and it’s how she’ll learn.

ds1 and ds2 were a nightmare to toilet train. I would definitely get rid of the pull ups in the day. Make sure you have loads of spare clothes. Buy a special mat for the car seat. Get a portable potty - we had a potette plus - great for the car and days out - we even used it for camping when they were much older.

Always go before you leave.
Offer once you arrive.
Set an alarm on your phone. Offer on the hour. Every hour.
Take a mycarry potty.

Shes learning you need to support that.

You dont have that long to get a handle on this as September is coming.

Personally I'd remove the pull ups entirely
Bring spare clothes and zip lock bags.

My daughter was exactly the same. I tried for two years gently on and off. I also didn't believe in doing the method where you leave your child bottomless indoors for days, as I personally find it undignified for a small child. Instead of putting pressure on her and letting her have accidents when shopping etc, I kept her in pull ups. At age 4 years 6 months, she has just managed to do it effortlessly. I don't want any judgement from people on here, I chose to do this my way and it was the best outcome for my daughter. They are all different.

Edited to say if she's starting school you have less time than I did. What I found really worked for my daughter is 'nappy fairy' is coming with a gift. It just popped into my head to make up this character that leaves gits a bit like santa. Not surprisingly my daughter opted for not one but two gifts of her choice (and they weren't the cheapest!!) but every time we left I'd saying out loud to the nappy fairy 'oh nappy fairy, we're off out today and ..... is going to do her best to use the toilet'. As it was a toy she was really excited about, she was very motivated to do it. I was at the end of my tether though and getting desperate, but to be fair it worked very well. Nappy fairy has brought one toy. She will get the next toy when she can wipe her bottom fully herself.

I think what previous posters have said is about right. Wee before you go and potty in the boot of the car. My four year old still squeezes onto the mycarrypotty although her legs look very long. We are also not strangers to peeing behind bushes. My two year old gives no notice and often will be dribbling wee by the time she says she needs to go so you have my sympathy.
My four year old was very much the same until she started preschool then all of a sudden after a year of dribbles in her knickers rather than just going to the toilet it just stopped.
Although just to double check she definitely isn’t constipated? That can affect the sensation of needing a wee and cause accidents.

I have never asked if DC need to go. I tell them they are going. We do a wee before we leave the house. Because there are 0 public toilets anymore, if we are out for a few hours and we pass a toilet (e.g., in M&S) then we go. I don't ask if they need to go, we just go.

No pull ups, except at night (dry nights are hormonal, not trained). She needs to feel the accidents as she must be less sensitive than most. Remind her regularly, make her sit on a potty, lots of praise and rewards, sit on a towel in the car.

It’s all about the Safety Wee 😁before a trip out/car journey/leaving a cafe etc, everyone (adults included) goes for a wee. If you model to her that it’s just the sensible thing to do, she’ll get it.

These are some great ideas thank you! We do occasionally use it if she’s tired or there’ll be a lot of walking but not very often. Will try and get a travel potty though that we can take out with us

Bless her! We’ve bought a mycarrypotty and she just about fits on it but it’s definitely saved some accidents so far! And thanks for the sympathy, it’s not easy is it when they’re unreliable! She’s not at preschool which might be half the reason why she’s so slow with it all. And no, no constipation at all. She’s nice and regular I just think where she’s been in nappies all her life up until the last couple of months she’s never had to recognise the signals so is struggling

Stop putting her in pull ups. Go before you leave and go at every opportunity when you’re out. Say she goes before you leave and then you go to the park for two hours, then stop in a local cafe and use the toilet there, she should be able to hold for that long. As long as you’re taking the opportunity for toilet stops then she doesn’t need to be in pull ups. Pull ups just let her pee any time and not be able to hold it.

Kindly, I think putting her in pull ups was a mistake

Can you get a travel potty and just carry it with you out and about? I know its hard but that might be the best way

Well done on getting her this far though - autistic dd learned just before she turned 6, you really do feel proud of them 😄🥰

This is what worked for us:

1. Put her in knickers, tell her to tell you when she needs a wee. If she wets herself it’s fine, she will feel the discomfort of wet pants and will slowly learn.
2. Pack spare pants and clothes when you go out
3. Buy a foldable seat for when you go out to put on adult toilets so she can use a normal toilet.
4. Separately, have a carry seat (e.g. Potette Plus) with bags to keep in the car in case no toilets around.
5. You could even track her toilet times with a baby app for a bit.
6. Stay away from pull-ups and be consistent, don’t give in to pull-ups

Bless you, thank you for all your kind words! I’ve offered a travel potty but I’m worried I’ll be judged if she uses it when out and about as she’s probably going to be far too big for it!

That’s some great advice, thank you. I just put her in them as I know as soon as she tells me she needs to go it’s going to be far too late to find anywhere (as it has been in the past). So knowing that I’m not going to have a wet and uncomfortable child if she wees before we make it anywhere is a massive relief. But you’re right, they probably are enabling her a bit

No worries, its so stressful!

I used dd's potty today! If you drive, just pop her behind the car. If not, just find a private area and shield her with a blanket or something xx

That’s a good idea! There’s plenty of ways to make it discreet isn’t there

Throw out the pull-ups.

Buy absorbent underwear.

Have her pee before you leave to go anywhere.

Try to plan your outings and limit drinks in the hour before you leave.

It's inconvenient to end up with a pee soaked carseat and wet clothes, but you have to focus on your end goal here, and the cleaning really is only an inconvenience.

You have to let your daughter experience the wet clothes too. It's not mean to allow her to feel uncomfortable.

It’s taking the next step. Will always have accidents but shes capable of not needing a nappy. If she’s still happy to wee in a nappy as it’s convenient then why would she try and use the toilet like other kids her age.

Buy training pants that have terry towelling inside with a waterproof outer, they look just like pants. Do the we go for a wee before we go out & in a cafe or shop while out & about, the pants while not holding a full bladder will catch dribbles.