Anyone else have a very unsettled, active and uncuddly six month old?

[RareWasp]

Looking for some solidarity/trying to see if someone has had a similar experience to me as I’m just feeling so alone and struggling to believe another baby exists like mine.

I have a 6 month old daughter. I love her more than anything. But she has been an absolute handful since birth. It feels like she is hard in absolutely every way a baby can be hard.

Since we brought her back from the hospital she had maybe a few days where she was quite calm and then the screaming started. she would get into such intense dysregulated spirals over seemingly nothing and be impossible to soothe to the point where I’d have to rock her while screaming until she fell asleep. She needed constant motion/bouncing for the first 3 months. And I mean constant. I couldn’t put her down at all. But she only let me hold her upright facing out. She also REFUSED to go in a sling so I couldn’t baby wear.

She’s had sleep issues since birth too. She’s never once drifted off to sleep on her own. Or even rested her head on me once. She basically has no chill whatsoever. I’m so heartbroken I never get to cuddle her :( I had such visions of cosying up and snuggling her but instead she just fights any type of cuddles / containment.

Thankfully the screaming eased a bit around the 3 month mark and turned into basically constant fussing. This has eased a bit now she can sit up independently and play with toys but it’s still a lot of the time.

Her screams honestly sound like a feral animal being attacked, I’ve never heard anything like it. She goes hoarse and screams a blood curdling scream. But over nothing! Honestly just being in the car seat. It’s such an awful sound and I feel like my nervous system has been under attack for months. She still does it sometimes but definitely spirals less often now.

So the screaming is one part of it. She also is SO physically active/energetic. She is ON all the time and wriggles and squirms to get away from me. She only ever wants to be held in an outward position and is so uncuddly. Even when I’m feeding her to sleep she kicks and scratches and pinches etc. and fights until she falls asleep.

I just feel sad there’s been no soft moments between us and I’m worried it’s impacted our bonding.

I do get the sense that she’s frustrated she can’t do more as she clearly is so energetic and wants to move. I’ve read that babies like this often improve with more independence so I’m really hoping it continues to get better.

Anyway I’ve never met anyone with a baby like mine and I’d LOVE to try and find someone who has gone through it too as I’d really just love to have a conversation about it / find some solidarity form someone who actually understands how truly hard it is. All my friends have the easiest babies and I just feel like I’m totally on my own in my experience.

I had one of those. Really struggled to bond. My first do I was totally unprepared. He's now 15 and after a long bloody wait has been diagnosed (the school pushed for this) with atypical autism. He's still an awkward bugger but I wouldn't change him for anything now. But solidarity, it's tough, esiehrn everyone else seems to be blessed with calm little poppets,!!

One memory is watching him take off across a strange park. I kept thinking he'll look back for me in a minute. Nope, he would have kept going if I'd let him!

Thanks for your reply! Honestly I don’t think she’s ND as she is very social. I think she’s very high needs and most of the crying seems to stem from frustration. It’s just so so hard when there’s no moments of joy.

Would really love to hear from anyone whose baby was similar and whether things improved with age/mobility.

I had one like that too. My sanity was saved by discovering that he would happily go in a sling high up on my back so he could see over my shoulder, and he would even fall asleep up there too. Other than that though he screamed, fidgeted, kicked, raged, squirmed...never comfortable, never happy, never still unless being vigorously rocked/bounced/patted. Very unrelaxing and nothing like the lovely cuddles I got with my other babies!

So my advice is to try back carrying her.

And yes things did improve with age and mobility, and also as he learned to talk.

My theory is that some babies don’t enjoy being babies.
Also is it possible she has silent reflux? My first did and as he was putting on weight it took ages to be identified and treated.

My second was like this. The complete opposite to my cuddly sack of potato first!

She is just insane. Cannot sit down and cannot have a cuddle. Such a shame because she’s such a cutesy! She does love dancing though, and flying through the sky. So I sneak hand holds and cuddles in that way.

You are describing my neice especially the blood curdling scream. I used to feel so sorry for dsis she was terribly hard work. She was up on her feet at 7 months and walking well before she was 9 month. She walked before she knew how to stop and so walked into walls, doors, furniture would land on her bum and scream in fury. Everything made her scream tbh it seemed to be her communication of choice.
She is an adult now and a lovely young woman intelligent and very talented musically but dsis would say she has never been easy, she was a difficult baby, toddler, preschooler, school child, tween, teen and young adult and even now she can be very tricky. Dsis has the patience of a saint it must be said.

This is what I say about my daughter! She seems to despise being a baby. Like she is so aware of her limitations she gets so frustrated. She is refluxy and has been since birth but tbh her crying/fussing isn’t around feeding, it’s quite clearly frustration with what she can’t do, but wow she has zero tolerance for it and goes from 0-100.

Yes she also hit all her milestones super early and I’m sure she’ll be an early walker. I do think it’s a temperament thing so really praying it manifests differently as she gets older!

How old is she now? I really am praying that when my daughter gets a bit more control of her body she’ll enjoy cuddling as I don’t think my heart will be able to handle never getting a cuddle from her

Oo interesting I will give this a go! How old are they now? And were they as difficult as a toddler??

He's a teenager now and very very chill indeed, though he was a nightmare toddler and eventually diagnosed ASD/ADHD at age 8. But as I type he is doing his Latin homework while drinking a cup of tea and listening to classical music, so there is hope 😁

Sorry things are hard, OP. I know exactly how you feel and see many similarities with my child. I actually posted a similar thing when my son was 6/7 months old, my thread is here if you want to read:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/5146032-7-month-old-adhd-asd?reply=147672428

It's really difficult to say at this stage how your child will "turn out", looking at PPs you can see many outcomes.

My own experience is that my son is now 27 months old and some things changed but some stayed the same. Still always moving and unable to be still, needs constant stimulation. I strongly suspect he is ND, i was actually diagnosed with ADHD myself shortly after my post.

Although my son still struggles with some things, things are better now than they were when he was 6 months. In fact the whole first year was simply brutal. He now speaks very well, is very social and loves cuddles (in fact a bit too much as he keeps hugging random children and is very tactile, and nursery work with him to try and teach him personal boundries). He is fun, quirky and very intelligent. But still a whirlwind and absolutely non stop 24/7. As I said we suspect ND (also seen private developmental specialist who confirmed a number of traits are present and would recommend he is fully assessed in the future) but he is great, very loving and loved.

Things WILL change and this hard period is unlikely to last forever, even if at the moment it doesn't feel like it.

Feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk:)

Just to say thanks for posting this, my son sounds sooo similar to yours as a toddler and it's encouraging to hear there is a possibility of him chilling out in the future - that would be just amazing as right now i'm so exhausted.

I’m sure you’ve considered it already, but have you thought it may be down to a milk/soy allergy (cmpa) or even silent reflux?
sounds a lot like my dc2, but once we had identified the allergy, and I had cut it completely from my diet (and theirs too if weaning) they stopped screaming and fighting, and became a happier, cuddly and much easier baby.

The screaming and fussing all day sounds like my son- he had silent reflux. You couldnt see it and he didnt vomit, but stomach acid was coming up into this throat constantly and causing him pain. His sleep was dreadful and he wouldnt sleep laying flat or be put down on his back and had to be constantly in motion for months! He improved a bit when he could sit up too as that kept the acid down. Eventually he was diagnosed and prescribed omeprozole by the GP. He was honestly a totally different child over night- the fussing and cying stopped and he was suddenly fine in his car seat/ laying down etc! Might not be the case but worth raising it with the GP if you are seeing similar symptoms?
I think all my kids were less cuddly between 6 months- 1 year. I think mainly because they just wanted to practice new skills and be on the move. Then they only really wanted to snuggle when poorly! I think that is pretty normal but I can understand its tough in the context of such a difficult start. I remember being very envious that my friends got that sleepy, cuddly newborn stage that I didnt because my son was screaming!! I promise it gets much easier and they get much less frustrated once they can crawl then walk etc. Xx

My eldest was like this - she is ND - dyslexia and still very, very active. She goes to the gym pretty much everyday, runs (did the marathon) and got a 1st in a dance degree. She is still my most demanding child (at 25!) - always connection seeking from both of us. My older brother was just like her apparently - he’s also ND and very high achieving. I can remember wondering why other people’s babies lay still and were so content!

She’s 1 year 3 months now. She’s never going to be a proper cuddler. She can’t even sit down to watch tv when she’s shattered. She full on has ants in her pants 😂

But she will let you sneak a quick squeeze mid picking up, or will come and give a hug if I am lying on the sofa or sitting on the floor with hands out for her to walk into. But it’s literally 2 seconds and she’s wiggling out and off again.

Sounds like my son… wouldn’t cuddle, couldn’t breastfeed as he wouldn’t face me - had to bottle feed with him looking out at the room while sat up on my lap. Head always up, scanning the room. Didn’t sleep. Crawled at 5 months, walked and climbed before 1. Strong desire to be sociable from a couple of weeks old. Started cuddling when he was around age 3/4. Very bright. Diagnosed autism and ADHD age 7. Still very very active. We’ve always had lots of physical activities for him - swinging/ climbing/ balancing/ bouncing. He went wild with excitement in his baby door-bouncer at around 5 months 😅

Sounds like reflux. Poor little thing is probably in horrendous pain.

I really don’t think it’s reflux. She’s in no pain around feeding and her crying is more around frustration with not being able to stand/move where she wants etc.

Don’t write off silent reflux or CMPA, OP. X

Also had one like this, she started to calm around school age 4/5. Try and not to put too much pressure on yourself and accept it is what it is. I found once I just accepted it was okay to say it’s hard work (because it was hard work!!) then I felt better. We spread her out between each other for a break 😜 no ND here, she was just a handful. (Also she’s a bloody firecracker and we love the bones of her!)