Anyone else have a very unsettled, active and uncuddly six month old?

[RareWasp]

Looking for some solidarity/trying to see if someone has had a similar experience to me as I’m just feeling so alone and struggling to believe another baby exists like mine.

I have a 6 month old daughter. I love her more than anything. But she has been an absolute handful since birth. It feels like she is hard in absolutely every way a baby can be hard.

Since we brought her back from the hospital she had maybe a few days where she was quite calm and then the screaming started. she would get into such intense dysregulated spirals over seemingly nothing and be impossible to soothe to the point where I’d have to rock her while screaming until she fell asleep. She needed constant motion/bouncing for the first 3 months. And I mean constant. I couldn’t put her down at all. But she only let me hold her upright facing out. She also REFUSED to go in a sling so I couldn’t baby wear.

She’s had sleep issues since birth too. She’s never once drifted off to sleep on her own. Or even rested her head on me once. She basically has no chill whatsoever. I’m so heartbroken I never get to cuddle her :( I had such visions of cosying up and snuggling her but instead she just fights any type of cuddles / containment.

Thankfully the screaming eased a bit around the 3 month mark and turned into basically constant fussing. This has eased a bit now she can sit up independently and play with toys but it’s still a lot of the time.

Her screams honestly sound like a feral animal being attacked, I’ve never heard anything like it. She goes hoarse and screams a blood curdling scream. But over nothing! Honestly just being in the car seat. It’s such an awful sound and I feel like my nervous system has been under attack for months. She still does it sometimes but definitely spirals less often now.

So the screaming is one part of it. She also is SO physically active/energetic. She is ON all the time and wriggles and squirms to get away from me. She only ever wants to be held in an outward position and is so uncuddly. Even when I’m feeding her to sleep she kicks and scratches and pinches etc. and fights until she falls asleep.

I just feel sad there’s been no soft moments between us and I’m worried it’s impacted our bonding.

I do get the sense that she’s frustrated she can’t do more as she clearly is so energetic and wants to move. I’ve read that babies like this often improve with more independence so I’m really hoping it continues to get better.

Anyway I’ve never met anyone with a baby like mine and I’d LOVE to try and find someone who has gone through it too as I’d really just love to have a conversation about it / find some solidarity form someone who actually understands how truly hard it is. All my friends have the easiest babies and I just feel like I’m totally on my own in my experience.

Yep, that was my boy. I’ve always said he hated being a baby! He cried constantly, had reflux and silent reflux, had to be held and rocked and bounced BUT NEVER CUDDLED for a year, and didn’t sleep a wink until he was 3 (years, I’m afraid 😬).

He was a challenging toddler as he wanted to run before he could walk - often into danger. Naps,
what naps?!

He was a happy preschooler as there were so many people and activities to keep him occupied at that age.

He was a sad mid-primary boy as the pandemic cut him off from his beloved friends. But it helpfully led to an end-of-primary ADHD diagnosis as it had become apparent he couldn’t sit still to focus on any homeschooling stuff.

He’s now the most delightful 14 year old you could wish to meet. He’s super sociable, sporty, bright, energetic, kind, friendly and fun. His mates’ mums all love him as he actually chats to them. He still has to be in almost constant motion but we’ve learned how to manage that. I’ve trained him to cuddle over the years and he loves a snuggle watching TV now! I wouldn’t change anything about him.

Honestly, just go with it, and hold onto the fact that this too shall pass. It really will. You will find what works for you. For my DS it has always been being outdoors, whether that was to nap as a baby, to burn off energy as a small child, to play sport as a bigger kid, and now to go on long hikes with me. I used to pop him outside when he was mega dysregulated as a small boy, and he would just STOP shouting. It was like flicking a switch.

I hope this gives you hope that you will find your way, and things WILL change - almost certainly for the better.

I do suspect this is a similar thing with my daughter. I also have to have so much help from husband and MIL. I don’t think she’s ND just very high needs / livewire temperament. How old is your daughter now?

My now 14 year old was miserable as a baby I won’t lie I genuinely thought she had other underlying issues but she massively perked up after starting solids and to this day she absolutely loves her food. She also turned out to be a headstrong independent child for example she was the only person from her three class per year primary school to go to a particular secondary school and she is already talking about university and where she’d like to go. So your DD will probably be feisty

Yes this was DD at same age. She calmed down a lot at 1 when she started walking, saying a few words and being able to play with/manipulate toys without help. I think she just didn’t like being a baby and her anger and frustration at being bored came out as screaming and restlessness.

She’s 6 now, and while she isn’t the cuddliest child in the world, she’s really lovely to spend time with - she’s still very curious about the world and is the type of kid who loves encyclopaedias, museums, animals - she’s a total joy. I remember those early months as being very tough though and once cried to my health visitor saying I thought she didn’t like me 😆

Yeah mine was like this. She was just bored. She has massively chilled out since she can walk properly and play on her own. She also has finally started asking for cuddles .. at 19 months. She was a terrible nap refuser, only napped in the pram for most of first year, whilst moving!
MN is weirdly obsessed with reflux, I really don’t think it’s that. Hopefully it’ll improve

she’s 6 and still does need guidance on how to slow down but I enjoy her company and she’s got lots of friends. Honestly, hold on in there and in the meantime try to harness her energy for good and not evil 😂 (I always say mine is going to run a gang - she’s either going to take charge of the country or lead a gang in prison hahah)

My nephew was exactly the same and it was food related. Colief helped him overnight!

And my children both always needed to be on the move (though didn’t cry much). One also struggled with sleep and is autistic but doing great, the other still doesn’t stop and both are amazing at anything physical- like sport and dance. They both liked being read to but one (the NT one) just liked wondering around while i read. She grew into liking cuddles more but only for a short time!