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Original poster

No longer managing public outings with my autistic child

81 replies

OhMyCherryPies · 17/05/2026 12:36

What do you do if you can no longer manage to take your autistic child out anymore? My child is 15 but she’s always been hard work but she has got harder as she’s got older, she is aggressive, runs off, no danger awareness, but a new thing shes started doing is just screaming at the top of her voice, doesn’t matter where we are. She will just start screaming.

Yesterday we had to get off the train as she was running up and down a packed carriage screaming her head off. Shes too fast for me now and I struggle to stop her or keep up with her, I have two teenage sons (though younger) who help me with her but it’s not fair on them either and they both get very upset when she’s acting like that (one is autistic himself so he gets very upset at the unwanted attention) we had to get off the train in an area I didn’t even know and wait till she had calmed down before we could get on the next one in the pouring rain (nothing had happened to cause the outbursts), it was horrible as she kept attempting to run off. I just feel like I’m not able to manage her outside on my own anymore and dont know what to do, is there medication to help her to be more calm? Someone suggested reins for her but I don’t think that would be suitable for a 15 year old and I think we’d probably attract a lot of negative attention walking a 15 year old on reins. Theres got to be medication to help her? I went to the drs but they didnt help much.

OP posts:
emuloc · 17/05/2026 12:39

Maybe the school might be able to help, and point you in the direction of the correct services available.

WishfulThinkingToday · 17/05/2026 12:44

I wish I could be more helpful, this sounds like a stressful situation

Maybe it’s worth speaking to your GP about this, and see what they recommend? Is there some sort of behavioural therapist that specialises in autism cases that she can be referred to? Also perhaps try some autism support helplines, and speak to someone with more information.

Good luck op.

Original poster
OhMyCherryPies · 17/05/2026 12:48

WishfulThinkingToday · 17/05/2026 12:44

I wish I could be more helpful, this sounds like a stressful situation

Maybe it’s worth speaking to your GP about this, and see what they recommend? Is there some sort of behavioural therapist that specialises in autism cases that she can be referred to? Also perhaps try some autism support helplines, and speak to someone with more information.

Good luck op.

I’ve been to the GP they weren’t helpful unfortunately and only referred us for counselling but that won’t help and the place is somewhere I can’t get her to anyway unfortunately

OP posts:

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Original poster
OhMyCherryPies · 17/05/2026 12:48

emuloc · 17/05/2026 12:39

Maybe the school might be able to help, and point you in the direction of the correct services available.

She’s not at school.

OP posts:
HumberBridge2 · 17/05/2026 14:15

Would it be worth referring yourself to the LA disabilities team for a needs assessment? Maybe some funding for one to one carers/PAs to help? It sounds so tough for you.

Original poster
OhMyCherryPies · 17/05/2026 14:20

I’d prefer to look at medication tbh, if there is anything, weve had people from the LA come to take her out and even they quit, she was really distressed about it and still asks for them and it’s been tough explaining that they no longer wanted to come

OP posts:
CieloElmers · 17/05/2026 14:22

Have you considered some type of wheelchair or larger buggy, I know its not always popular, my daughter has autism although a lot younger, so I tend to get a lot of autism content come up, I have seen some parents with autistic teens use a wheelchair. Keeps the child safe from running off and saves you having to run after them.

I know the screaming is stressful for you but please don’t worry what other people think, you sound like you are doing a great job x

Original poster
OhMyCherryPies · 17/05/2026 14:27

CieloElmers · 17/05/2026 14:22

Have you considered some type of wheelchair or larger buggy, I know its not always popular, my daughter has autism although a lot younger, so I tend to get a lot of autism content come up, I have seen some parents with autistic teens use a wheelchair. Keeps the child safe from running off and saves you having to run after them.

I know the screaming is stressful for you but please don’t worry what other people think, you sound like you are doing a great job x

I was worried that someone would call the police yesterday because of her screaming and also because she is older now people will start videoing her thats a concern of mine and then putting it online, I know I shouldn’t have to worry about that but I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if people start filming her. I did consider a wheelchair but as I don’t drive I feel it may be a struggle with public transport (even though prams are suppose to give priority they wouldn’t round here)

OP posts:
Original poster
OhMyCherryPies · 17/05/2026 14:35

Also it’s really upsetting my other kids when she like it and my son looked like he wanted to cry yesterday 😔 lots of people on the train was laughing at us

OP posts:
lottlecat · 17/05/2026 14:36

We minimised any trips out to absolutely necessary only and we shared the load so DH would stay home with DD and I would take the others out (from a practical pov as I drive and he lost his license a few years ago) it’s been hard as for the longest time we couldn’t just take a random trip out everything had to be planned to the letter. It’s far easier now but DD is 23 and much more manageable.

olympicsrock · 17/05/2026 14:40

Do you think DD benefits from the trips or do you only take her as you have no other childcare to be able to leave her?

This sounds really tough. It doesn’t sound like taking her on a train is possible at the moment for the sake of others including your sons. It must be very distressing for you and all around her . Hugs xx

NuffSaidSam · 17/05/2026 14:40

That sounds unbelievably hard.

She sounds like she needs residential care tbh. Spaces are in very short supply, but this would be the avenue I would be aiming for.

PermanentTemporary · 17/05/2026 14:42

Is she officially being home educated or is she out of school for other reasons?

UnbeatenMum · 17/05/2026 14:44

I have autistic children who would be more like your son, so I'm not really experienced in your situation but DS will always sit quietly with his iPad. Does your DD use a device at all?

Medication- if it's anxiety based you might find something like Sertraline helps her. If it's hyperactivity and she has ADHD then there are various medications you could try for that.

Alternatively if the trip wasn't for her benefit she might be happier at home with a carer. You can find your own if you have funding - I use someone for my son who takes direct payments but she doesn't work for the council so I'm not dependent on their scheduling or anything.

Sensibletrousers · 17/05/2026 14:50

Stop taking her on trips and to places that are clearly extremely distressing for her. Her behaviour is telling you she is distressed. Does she have to go with you? Does she use noise cancelling headphones? Does she get any choice in the environments she is put in? Are her sensory needs accommodated?

she is not giving you a hard time, she is having a hard time.

Octavia64 · 17/05/2026 14:54

Is she in a specialist setting or at home (either EOTAS or EHE?)

wheelchairs can be useful - you can get electric ones that are attendant controlled or the controller can be moved between the handles and the arms.

buses aren’t great for wheelchair accessibility but the trains are pretty good.

hard to advise without knowing more - has she always been like this or is it getting worse?

anti anxiety drugs may help but not all gos are happy to prescribe them.

AuContrairePubicHair · 17/05/2026 14:55

Sensibletrousers · 17/05/2026 14:50

Stop taking her on trips and to places that are clearly extremely distressing for her. Her behaviour is telling you she is distressed. Does she have to go with you? Does she use noise cancelling headphones? Does she get any choice in the environments she is put in? Are her sensory needs accommodated?

she is not giving you a hard time, she is having a hard time.

In an ideal world then yes, you'd avoid all trips that she found distressing.

But here in the real world OP is a lone parent to multiple children and that isn't always going to be possible.

@OhMyCherryPies difficult as it is, you really need to push for social services involvement. Can you self refer to early help or whatever that's called in your area? You should have a disability social worker who will be able to help you with respite and getting appropriate educational provision sorted out for your DD.

Original poster
OhMyCherryPies · 17/05/2026 15:16

olympicsrock · 17/05/2026 14:40

Do you think DD benefits from the trips or do you only take her as you have no other childcare to be able to leave her?

This sounds really tough. It doesn’t sound like taking her on a train is possible at the moment for the sake of others including your sons. It must be very distressing for you and all around her . Hugs xx

Single parent

OP posts:
Original poster
OhMyCherryPies · 17/05/2026 15:16

UnbeatenMum · 17/05/2026 14:44

I have autistic children who would be more like your son, so I'm not really experienced in your situation but DS will always sit quietly with his iPad. Does your DD use a device at all?

Medication- if it's anxiety based you might find something like Sertraline helps her. If it's hyperactivity and she has ADHD then there are various medications you could try for that.

Alternatively if the trip wasn't for her benefit she might be happier at home with a carer. You can find your own if you have funding - I use someone for my son who takes direct payments but she doesn't work for the council so I'm not dependent on their scheduling or anything.

No she doesn’t care for iPads or phones unfortunately

OP posts:
Original poster
OhMyCherryPies · 17/05/2026 15:17

Sensibletrousers · 17/05/2026 14:50

Stop taking her on trips and to places that are clearly extremely distressing for her. Her behaviour is telling you she is distressed. Does she have to go with you? Does she use noise cancelling headphones? Does she get any choice in the environments she is put in? Are her sensory needs accommodated?

she is not giving you a hard time, she is having a hard time.

Single parent, if I don’t take her we can’t go out and yes she wanted to come.

OP posts:
Geneticsbunny · 17/05/2026 15:19

Have you had a carers needs assessment from your local council? You should be eligible for direct payments which you could use to employ carers for her. Then she couls stay at home whilst you go our with the other kids or go out with her carer if she wanted.

KitKatPitPat · 17/05/2026 15:24

Are you in England? Did you decide to home school her or are you trying to get a school place for her? If she was in a special school they would be able to assist you with all of the services that exist.

stichguru · 17/05/2026 15:26

That sounds very distressing for all of you OP. I think trying a special needs buggy or wheelchair might be a good idea. Even if it takes time on the bus because you have to wait for a few buses because people won't fold their buggies, surely that's better than her potentially running off or not being able to go out at all?

You say she doesn't care for Ipads or phones, but would she use ear defenders? You can get loop style ones, or like big headphone style ones. We use them in GCSE exams for a few of our students with extreme noise sensitivity and they really help.

RudolphTheReindeer · 17/05/2026 15:26

Who were the people that quit? Why weren't they replaced by the LA? They shouldn't just leave you without support.

PickAChew · 17/05/2026 15:41

I'm sorry you're experiencing so much difficulty, right now,a d that some onlookers are so cruel.

I had to scale down outings with DS2 when he became unmanageable in busy places. The screaming was the tipping point with him, too as it attracts much negative attention and you have enough of a job managing your young person without having to manage people who have Opinions about it or think they can fix it for you. That meant no public transport for a while.

As a pp pointed out, behaviour is communication and your DD is communicating that it's all too much, or not what she expected. You can't medicate this away without knowing whether it's anxiety, sensory overwhelm or something else that's triggering the episodes. Does she use any communication aids that can be used to help her explain what's troubling her?

And gosh, definitely no reins for a teenager.