2 year old making racially insensitive comments

[Ambn1]

While out for a day out today our 2yo daughter who is white, was sat in a cafe when two black women came and sat nearby. One of these women had her hair in braids with colourful threads woven through and the other had her hair in defined curls with big hair clips holding it off her face. Our daughter said very loudly ‘that lady has funny hair!’ I was absolutely mortified and wasn’t sure how to respond in the moment so said ‘she has lovely hair, it’s curly like yours’.

I know she is only 2 and is just commenting without any thought about how it would make another person feel, but I would hate for a person to feel upset or hurt by the comment. If you were the women in the situation, how would you have felt most comfortable with me handling the situation?

You and your DD were fine, you handled it very well. Please don't overthink it, she wasn't offensive IMO, so I doubt they took it that way. AND she's two!

Hair can look funny. She didn't say the ladies looked funny.

(I'm mixed race, so others may think differently but I really doubt it.)

This is not a racially insensitive comment. It's a child making a comment about hair.

'I think her hair looks great. But really its best not to comment on what people look like darling.'

Warm smile.

It what toddlers do. Don't worry about it, you handled it well and there will be many, many more similar incidents.

They see things they aren't familiar with and they blurt.

Race had nothing to do with it, she’s 2, 2 year olds say what’s in their mind. I bet the women thought nothing of it

Give me strength.

Erm…she’s 2…and was talking about hair! Get a grip.

2 year olds are far too young to be racially sensitive/insensitive. Toddlers have absolutely no filter. They say what they see/think and will make embarrassing comments about complete strangers.

At least, in this situation, you were able to make a positive comment about the woman's appearance. Much harder if a toddler asks why someone is so fat or has a nose like a witch.

Welcome to toddlers being excruciating.

I've had mine sprint after a cleaner in a shop to point out missed dirt, called two toplessbearded blokes in the park 'nice ladies' etc.

I remember walking with a friends 2 year old once and we walked part a very large man. Toddler said (loudly), 'why is that man so fat '

They get over it eventually 😂

I walked past a toddler once when I was 8.5 months pregnant. As we passed he asked his mummy ‘why is that lady sooooo massive’. I laughed, because that’s what children do when they see something that is, to them in their little lives, ‘out of the ordinary’. It’s not racist it’s not even slightly offensive.

Before I had children, I used to go to a family-friendly gym. One day, I was getting dressed in the women’s communal changing room when I heard a young voice behind me pipe up,

”Mummy, why does that lady have a red bottom?”

The mum was mortified. But I was not bothered. Well, what would you expect after a class and a sauna? I just laughed and gave the mum a wink. Little kids say what they say. You can tell when it’s their own blunt honesty and when it’s them repeating things their elders have said.

Just teach your child to save personal comments about others for when you are alone together.

Would you care so much if it was a white lady?

One of mine used to go up to smoking strangers and tell them they shouldn’t smoke because they’ll die. Some ignored him, some agreed with him. Nobody ever displayed any anger to him, though I did get a few frowns in my direction. I never apologised for him, just quietly extracted him. It was not something we had ever discussed (non-smokers) so I suspect he had heard it at nursery. Took a while to teach him the personal comments business. Probably because, as we discovered several years later, he is autistic.

My toddler son kept drawing his Dad’s attention to the fact that a man walking near them had one leg. The more Dad ignored him the more he went”Daaaaad…he’s got one leg, Daaaaad…

She’s 2. You’re lucky she wasn’t pointing at people on the bus or as they walk past asking why they’re so fat. That’s the embarrassing but inevitable gauntlet you have to run when you have a toddler in tow!

I apparently asked why the lady opposite on the bus had an ugly face . I was around the same age as your daughter. I wouldn't worry about it , she wasn't being racist .

Are you on the wine?

Racially insensitive FFS 🙈

I don’t think anyone is judging what a toddler says! I had no hair and a toddler pointed at me and told their mum “that lady is a silly sausage”. My DH had long hair and a long beard in his youth and a toddler asked her mum “why is that man a goat?” They don’t mean anything by it - they just say what they think with no filter!

Okay from the comments maybe I am overthinking it! I know she has no concept of racism or how to be sensitive to others differences, I just didn’t want these women to feel I hadn’t handled it correctly. The poster who commented about would I care if the women were white, yes I would equally have been very embarrassed that she was making a personal comment about someone’s appearance. I just thought it had the potential to
make these women feel uncomfortable. Every other person in the cafe was white and it seemed very obvious that her comment was linked to the fact they looked different to others.

Toddlers can be so embarassing at times. We had a big party for FIL's birthday, I was heavily pregnant at the time and my 3 year old asked her great uncle 'Do you have a baby in your tummy like my Mummy?'. Luckily he has a great sense of humour and laughed and laughed.

The race of the woman is irrelevant, a toddler made a comment, you corrected her appropriately. Don't worry any more about it.

I think you're the one making it about race. If she's said the same about a white, blonde woman with coloured ribbons through her braids/plaits, would you be stressing right now? Why did you assume her comment was about the women's hair texture, and not the colours?

If you have a problem with that then buckle up!
I was once standing at the pizza queue in asda with about 10 people, my 4 year old stuck his head in my bum and said errrgh mammy your bum really smells...yep, true story.
Stop being ridiculous calling it racially insensitive.

Also wait until she clocks someone in a wheelchair! My mother was in a wheelchair, kids would have something to say to her daily.
No one is silly enough to think a young child is being nasty and trying to cause offence.

I honestly would group it with all of the other silly comments kids make. There is nothing behind it; they just literally describe what they see!

When l was little, I would point to people on the bus and say, "Mum, why is that man so old?" or " That woman has a big nose." Dm didn't know where to put herself but thank goodness I grew out of describing everything I saw "literally."
My dc shouted "Wanker" in the middle of the street (meaning "white car") just as the neighbour was putting his bin out. 😯

My gran was a double amputee
and usually sure long skirts. We were in the queue at a local shop and a mum was shouting her child’s name and all of a sudden we heard a voice from under my grans wheelchair shout ‘mummy her legs are missing, we need to find them and put them back on’. The woman put down her shopping and left she was so embarrassed my gran and I couldn’t breathe from laughing. Kids will be kids!

At that age, in my view, there is often not any ill intent behind it as such they are noticing differences which they may present as “weird” etc or actually something completely unrelated in their mind to race, they just don’t like it or have noticed it is a difference, which kids do, because they are learning about the world and noticing these things. It only becomes what you think because you ascribe your adult meaning onto it. However, you do as you can do by recognising and acknowledging the difference if your child says about it (e.g. yes, they do have X colour skin, I have x colour skin, you have x colour skin, some people have x colour skin), and discussing/challenging this where you can (like you did with hair and advising you think it is lovely etc). I would also be trying if you can to consider other ways of bringing in diversity, through toys/books/tv or films etc. as well that you have available for your child to be exposed to.