Peturbed by the dc's lack of grief and also their lack of empathy towards their dad, after MIL's death

[handlemecarefully]

MIL unexpectedly died yesterday (we think stroke / heart attack). She was 79.

She lives a good 2 hours away so the children (4 and 5) don't see her very frequently - perhaps for a day or so every couple of months.

I told them yesterday. DD (5) cried for around 15 minutes and since then....nothing. Just carrying on as normal. DS barely reacted to the news - just carried on playing with his toys.

They do understand death - they lost their grandad 18 months ago, and hardly on an equivalent basis, but the cockerel died a few weeks ago. So they understand that death is 'final'

I was also at pains to explain that their dad was very upset because grandma was his mum, and they need to be gentle and kind to him.

However, they are still hassling him for attention as usual.

I don't want to see the children absolutely overcome by grief and I am grateful that they are not too distressed, but if this makes any sense at all, I am a bit peturbed by their apparent lack of feeling.

Is this normal for young children? DD is nearly 6 and generally a sensitive and caring child...

I'm rambling now!

[Dottoressa]

Completely normal. When my Dad's Dad died, I was about eight, and I smiled when he told me (for want of any better response). My Mum's father died when I was about the same age. It was the first time I'd seen my Mum cry, but all I could think was that I hoped she'd soon stop because I didn't like it! Despite being a perfectly kind child, I just didn't get it...

By the time our family dog died, I was about 26. I was totally grief-stricken - but by then, I had developed enough empathy to realise that my Mum felt even worse than I did, and I could console her accordingly!!

So in another 20 years or so, our DCs should all be very empathetic...

[BreeVanDerCampLGJ]

Dottoressa

You have just made me laugh.

HMC

Just in case the questions come later....

Waterbugs and Dragonflies

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

'Look!' said one of the water bugs to another, 'One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you suppose she is going?' Up, up, up it went slowly. Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return. 'That's funny!' said one water bug to another. 'Wasn't she happy here?' asked a second water bug. 'Were do you suppose she went?' wondered a third. No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally one of the water bugs, the leader of the colony, gathered its friends together. 'I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where she went and why.' 'We promise', they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water, and had fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings. The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly.

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by, the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chancd to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs!. There they were, scurrying about, just as he had been doing some time before. Then the dragonfly remembered his promise: 'The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why'.

Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly he could no longer go into the water. 'I can't return!' he said in dismay. 'At least I tried, but I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what happened to me, and where I went'.

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.