Parents to older children, please tell me it gets better...

[SendHelpandSnacks]

My son is 2 and it feels like everything is falling apart... including my mental health... Two main topics are: sleep and behaviour.

He's always been a very good sleeper 🙏We had sleep all figured out, after a few days of gentle sleep training, he'd go down at 7pm and sleep til 7am! We felt so blessed. He did this for months and it was amazing.
Recently, he's relapsed, stalling bedtime, wanting me to cuddle him again after I've put him down. He's crying in the night EVERY NIGHT and ending up in our bed... (I'm assuming night terrors, but every night?) He's also waking up at 5.30am!! What is happening?! This is very unlike him...
He naps around 12:30 til 1:30 and bedtime at 7pm.
Is this just a phase? Will he go back to sleeping through the night again?

The other thing that's been getting me down is his behaviour (terrible 2s of course) I know it's all normal but I'm starting to feel really low about it all. Every day is a struggle, just trying to get out the house, managing the tantrums, the constant whining. It's exhausting and not enjoyable at all... He wakes up every morning crying and then the slightest thing will set him off.
I try to plan nice things for him, I took him to the farm the other day and he had a full blown public meltdown in the restaurant... I grabbed him and the food and just left...

I know this is all pretty standard toddler behaviour but I guess I'd like some reassurance that it will get better? 🙏I struggle with the relentlessness of it all, there's always a new hurdle to get through. One day he's happy and an amazing little chap and then the next he's totally different.
I find he's an absolute joy to be around 20% of the time and the remaining 80% is just survival.
This morning he slapped my face and pulled my hair all at the same time, just because I was stopping him from going up the stairs mid tantrum... I feel so sad that this is my life now 😔
He's an IVF baby so we invested everything into having him, but now he's here, I feel so low and exhausted by parenthood. It's definitely not how I expected to feel when we were TTC.

If anyone could just share some positive stories, did you struggle with the early years but manage to find more joy in it now? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? I don't want every day to be this challenging and exhausting...
Sorry for the rant, I think the lack of sleep these last couple of weeks haven't helped my mood either. Hence why I'm asking if he will ever sleep though again 😅

Thanks in advance for any support xx

Can i please ask how you managed to get him to eventually sleep in his own bed? My 2 year old comes into our bed and i don’t sleep because she kicks me and then tries to sleep on top of me

Oh yes @LizandDerekGoals , I'd love to know this too, as my 2 year old ends up in our bed and last night I tried leaving him in his room and it resulted in an hour of screaming and crying, leading us to giving up... And today, he's lost his voice from all the crying 🥺

@SendHelpandSnacks

Do You have a bed for him big enough for you to get in and snuggle with him? It’s never going to be easy to put a child back in their own room and walk out when they are awake

Yeah I've been considering transitioning into a toddler bed, only for the reason of being able to get in and sleep with him rather than bringing him into our room... But I'm not mentally prepared for him getting out of bed willy nilly and coming into our room 😱

I didnt. I waited until he was ready. We are quite unusual to separate our children from us at bedtime. Lots of cultures around the world it is standard practice to co-sleep.

https://childcarestudies.co.uk/blog/the-gentle-bond-why-co-sleeping-matters-for-child-development/

All babies are different and whilst safe co-sleeping is a valid choice, if your child sleeps in a cot or their own age appropriate bed it will not in anyway negatively affect your attachment.

It also does it make you a selfish individualist or a capitalist if you don’t want to co-sleep.

my baby absolutely hates co-sleeping, he sleeps through when he is given his own cot. Thank goodness I turned down all the online noise and pressure to co-sleep and allowed him the space he needed to go to sleep.

Both my children were pains in the arse aged 2, it goes with the territory I’m afraid. Loads of tantrums, refusals, just being awkward. My 17yo son has his moments but generally is great to be around now, I really enjoy his company. My daughter is 12 and is absolutely sorted, happy, pleasant and lovely. You do get the reward.

As for sleep, my biggest tip from back in the day, be as boring as you can manage, they suss night time mum and dad are not worth waking up for.

There’s different kinds of ‘better’. The school years are all about fretting over friendships, health, education etc. Teens are fraught with angst, curfews, exams and avoiding legal and illegal intoxicants. Uni years tend to be phone calls, bad relationships and accommodation issues. I’d say you finally stop losing sleep when they reach their mid-20s. Assuming you and they successfully navigated all the other stages, it all gets a lot easier then. Hang in there - you’re in this for the long haul :-)