Would I be unreasonable to limit my mother-in-law's overnight stays?

[NameMyyyee3333]

sorry it’s a mil one
my Mil is moving 5 hours away drive
or would be three to four trains and probably still be 4.5 to 5 hours travel
she will still want to see us regular and will want to stay over with us (she does this with bil and sil several aunts/cousins etc and stays at least a week 7 days) 2nd guessing I’m not sure she’s always invited or for this long - but it’s obviously tolerated or enjoyed!
however I do not want her that long!! we are ok for a few hours but any more I really struggle with and we have tried in the past when she invited herself to stay a weekend that ended up being four days!! and we ended up falling out as I was like when are you going!! She does not like confrontation or not getting her own way she shouted that she was “unwanted” and then slammed the doors on the way out after saying goodbye to her son my dh and our children but not me then gave us all silent treatment for a few months that was bliss …
This all happened because I asked her “how long she was planning to stay “ baring in mind that I thought it would be a night or two and it had been 4!) and she only (currently) lives one hour away!
after that we managed to do just days -meeting up half way, day trips , visiting her etc so we could leave currently every four weeks.

although she’d always suggested family holidays and us staying over even though she doesn’t have enough room and we’d end up on living room air beds!
basically I think she’s lonely and wants to be very involved
however this doesn’t suit me and I don’t particularly like her if I’m honest (too much has happened but that’s a longer story)

however I appreciate that my opinion is not my husbands and it’s his mum and the kids should have the opportunity to know thier grandparents (even though the teens are not as keen as they once were)

so my Aibu is it unfair to say she can stay A night and any more will have to be a travel lodge or something else??? Is this mean
is there any other suggestion s people can give?
I forgot to say myself and two of our children are very very travel sick so long drives do not appeal plus I work full time term time so a weekend travelling would not be convenient

thanks

Where's your DH in all of this?

Yes YABU - let the poor woman stay 2 nights

Why is she moving so far if she's keen to see you all?

I think a 2 night limit would be more reasonable

I think a reasonable compromise would be 1-2 night every 4 months or so.

I get it, I really dislike houseguests and start going barmy after 2 nights of them, but I think that’s a reasonable compromise.

Tell DH it’s his responsibility to manage this, not yours.

This is the real question

YABU

Two or three nights every so often is reasonable

You just sound like you don’t like her

Oh I will be it’ll be his responsibility to manage
think your suggestion sounds fair though

I don’t lol
i did say that in the op
thanks for the suggestion
it sounds like two but not that often is a fair offer

Why are you so angry about all this?

Not sure how you got angry I’m not in the slightest
if the text comes across that way it’s not intended

I think if she is making the effort to travel all that way (assuming you don't have to ferry her), that 3 nights at yours isn't unreasonable.
Just dicuss the length of the stay before she arrives, so she doesn't overstay her welcome.

Two nights you book yourself into the premier inn whilst she's there to get some peace.

Most wonderful suggestion
might even look at nearby hotels with nice facilities lol

A five hour journey each way and only one night stay? She'd barely see you all apart from a few hours before bed, and breakfast the next day.

Given that you have no intention of visiting her, the least you can do is let her stay for three nights. And you can take yourself out for the day for one of them.

If it's only once every 3 or 4 months, why not treat yourself

Go and visit her instead. Stay two nights. Then leave.

If my DIL went to a hotel every time I visited I would be quite upset. It’s rude.

Yes, it’s really rude

All guaranteed to make bad feeling in the family

We plan to do a week trip every summer holidays however we will get a cottage so we have our own space

Having a relative stay for 3 nights would tip me over the edge.

I’m happy we have never fallen into that trap. I’d find it stifling.

I think she's ok with being rude though...

She does not like confrontation or not getting her own way she shouted that she was “unwanted” and then slammed the doors on the way out after saying goodbye to her son my dh and our children but not me then gave us all silent treatment for a few months that was bliss …
This all happened because I asked her “how long she was planning to stay"

Ever think of parking yourselves on her for a couple of nights. Maybe ring her when you are nearly there.

She is coming far too often, it would drive me nuts.

I do think it's not your place to directly ask or tell her when she would be leaving or how long you want her to stay.
Communicate your wishes to her son, let her son do the talking, children often have emotional banks with their parents, what you would say that will become an unforgivable sin will be overlooked or casually explained away if her own son said it.
Learn it and choose your battles wisely. Put the pressure on your husband to do the needful.
Direct putting in place should only happen when the spouse who's the child/relative of the misbehaving family has proved to be useless or unreasonable. Stand up for yourself then.

This a house guest 2 nights every 2-3 months is fine. Clear about departure timing and making it clear eg train arrives at this time mum and we will drop you off on Monday morning at 8 pm.

Have an open discussion on boundaries. Clear boundaries are vital you have a marriage and busy lives etc