Overwhelmed with three kids

[ThisSharpHam]

I recently had my third baby (she’s 8 weeks old) and I have a 4.5 year old and a 2.5 year old. My 4.5 year old is so helpful and loves to help with the baby. My 2.5 year old is really testing me with his behaviour and can be really full on. My husband works long hours and isn’t normally home until 7-7.30pm most nights.

I am struggling and overwhelmed. I wake up most mornings so anxious about how I’m going to do it all. I have been loosing my temper way too often and yelling at my 4.5 year old and toddler. I am so easily irritated over things that’s normally wouldn’t bother me too much. When my older two get too loud or be silly I get so frustrated. I am then overcome with guilt and feel so awful like I’m the worst mum in the world. Most nights after they have gone to bed I cry and just feel like I’m so mean for getting angry with them. It’s like I can’t regulate my emotions when the baby is crying and they aren’t listening and being silly. My 2.5 year old also throws big tantrums and I find that also really sets me off.

I am so worried that me getting angry and yelling at them is going to ruin them and that they will hate me. Everyone keeps telling me it will get easier and it’s because I’m

not getting much sleep with a newborn but I feel like there is something wrong with me and it’s not normal to act like this. I feel like I’ve lost the fun/happy mum side of me and I’m worried they think that of me. I suppose I’m just looking to hear from anyone else that may felt the same or the reassurance that things will get better

Well done for admitting it to yourself. 3 at home together with a newborn is tough and not surprising you are finding it overwhelming .

I think you need to speak to your health visitor or GP. The way you are feeling is not unusual at this stage but could escalate without intervention. sounds like you need support, so please ask for help and ignore those brushing it off as normal for this time. It does get easier but that doesn’t help you at this moment in time. Do you have relatives that can help you out a bit - maybe take the the 2 older ones for a few hours ?

Really feel for you OP. I have the same age gap with my 3 and found those early years incredibly hard. My husband also works long hours so I was alone a lot of the time. I used to lose my shit regularly and my patience was thin. I was overwhelmed with juggling 3 and incredibly sleep deprived. My advice would be to ask for help. It’s feels easy to say ‘I’m ok’ when people ask but you’re not doing yourself any favours. Be honest and take any help you ca get. My mum would always ask if I wanted her to come and clean and I’d always say no because I felt shame at the state of the house but she wanted to help.

I’d also use whatever you need to get some peace. If that means that oldest two have some TV or screen time to enable you to get stuff done then so be it. Please give yourself some grace. You’re doing your best but lord knows, it can feel like you best isn’t enough. I’m out of the other side now and mine are 9, 11 and 13 and we are super close despite the many MANY times I lost it with them in those early years.

If you need someone to talk to then I’d highly recommend using the free support services offered by the charity PANDAS. They specialise in perinatal mental health and do amazing work! Also check out Dr Caroline Boyd on Instagram who talk a lot about maternal rage - it will help you to realise that it’s really common and you’re not alone in feeling like this. Hang in there. x

That sounds awful. Can you put the older two in nursery? Can you get a mother’s help, don’t know what your finances are like of course

Is the oldest not in preschool?

Isn’t the eldest in school? Get the 2 year old in a nursery.

I have similar. When the baby was born my toddler was 22 months and my preschooler 4 yo. Luckily the baby slept quite well and I found it okay. I put the toddler in childcare and the preschooler in lots of holiday camps (it was last summer). It’s got way harder the baby is now v fussy. I shouted at the older two this week which I never do. It’s because the baby constantly crying and whinging to be picked up. I am never normally like this.

my advice would be get the toddler in as much nursery as you can possibly afford. Put the tv on more for the older kid with educational stuff like Maddy Knows and Andy’s dinosaurs

Are they all at home all the time?