Are We Labeling Personality as Autism?

[almostalwayslaura]

is Autism being over diagnosed/suggested? Can’t someone just have different quirks and personality traits without it having to be part of some broad spectrum of diagnosis?

• my 11 year old daughter attended a child psychologist due to some dental related health anxiety and after a few awkward appointments he turned to us as parents and said ‘have you ever considered she might have autism?’ I’m genuinely curious regarding the Fine Line Between Personality and Diagnosis?

A label that does come with certain stigma whether you like that or not.

1. Would you refuse to have your daughter assessed for Down Syndrome, cerebral palsy, or any of the other stigmatised disabilities?
2. How about the stigma attached to the label you gave her of "truly horrible"?

Schools should already be supporting children based on their needs

And employers? Universities? Her care home when she's 90? My lived experience is that the diagnostic report is the magic key that unlocks support, and prior to that I just got labelled "difficult", "combative", "rude", and "over-sensitive".

A diagnosis can be helpful for some families,

"Families". That word in that sentence speaks volumes about how you view your daughter as an extension of yourself. You're not thinking of how a diagnosis could benefit her, but how it could benefit you.

Your daughter is not just an enmeshed element of a "family", she's an individual who will one day become an adult. No caring parent would slam the door shut on the support that will make their child's whole life easier.

You’re projecting a lot onto me that isn’t actually what I said or think. Being cautious about diagnosis doesn’t mean I’m denying my child support or treating her as an extension of myself.

I’m fully aware that for some people a diagnosis is helpful—I haven’t argued otherwise. But it’s not unreasonable to weigh that against potential downsides, including stigma and how labels can shape how a child is treated. The funny thing is, another one of my posts that people keep bringing up I used the term ‘disabled’ to describe autism and everyone was quick to jump down my throat about this so I don’t think we can compare to Down’s syndrome or cerebral palsy.

I do see my daughter as an individual. That’s exactly why I’m thinking carefully about decisions that affect her whole life, not just defaulting to one approach because it worked for someone else. Believe me asking strangers on the internet for advice is the last resort.

Ok, don’t get her tested. Just carry on posting for another 6 years that your child is making your life a misery, and their behaviour is making you depressed, and you love your child but you don’t like them.

That will help her a lot.

My child has been very clear that she doesn’t want to attend psychology and doesn’t want to be treated as if there’s something “different” about her that needs fixing or labelling. From what I can see and hear from her she see’s herself as the same as her peers and wants to be allowed to grow and develop without being defined by a diagnosis she hasn’t asked for. I’m not going to ignore her voice just to fit a system that’s more comfortable with labels. Supporting her means listening to her - yes maybe she isn’t 100% clued up on autism and it’s my job to teach her but as she already suffers with health anxiety I don’t don’t want to shove this down her throat.

That’s a pretty unfair and deliberately harsh way to frame what I’ve said. Struggling as a parent and being honest about that doesn’t mean I don’t care about my child or want the best for her. You’re lucky you haven’t experienced any of this.

You’re also acting like the only way to support a child is through a diagnosis, and that’s simply not true. I’m allowed to think carefully about what’s right for her, including listening to her wishes, without being told I’m setting her up to fail.

If you can’t engage without twisting things into extremes, this isn’t a productive conversation.

I think if you added this information in your OP you would’ve got some sympathetic responses, because it is very difficult to manage an assessment with a child that reject the idea that they could have autism. In fact, a few of the questions on the form ask whether thy know about it and how do they feel about it.

However , I do notice that what you report your daughter saying is very similar to your language. Quite negative and dismissive. Is it possible your attitude on this is rubbing off on her? Or that you are influencing each other?

potential downsides, including stigma and how labels can shape how a child is treated

If your daughter is not autistic, the assessment will find so.

If she is autistic and assessed, she gets a diagnostic label of "autism" that explains to her and everyone she chooses to disclose to that she's neurologically different and what can be done to make her life and the lives of those around her easier.

If she is autistic and not assessed, the labels she gets are "thorny", "rude", "bad-tempered", "flakey", "weird", "unreliable", "over-sensitive", both of "too quiet" and "talks too much" because she doesn't know when to speak, "manipulative", "arrogant", "naive", "needs to toughen up", "needs to become more streetwise", and "brings trouble on herself". She spends her life failing to understand why she doesn't understand other people, trying desperately to be liked and pushing people away when that fails, alternating between people-pleasing doormat and lashing out. She's at increased risk of abuse, nearly three times more likely to be raped than her neurotypical counterparts and getting no safeguarding support as the vulnerable person she is.

Whatever downsides you've imagined because you read some half-baked "labelling theory" from a grant-wasting grifting "social 'sciences'" academic are nothing compared to the downsides to her of not being assessed.