Moving my five-year-old to a new school after reception - mum guilt!

[Jam8]

Hi everyone,

Im just looking for people experiences or maybe ways to reassure me.

My daughter is 5, started reception in September and has settled in great and is very bright. My husband has been given a new opportunity for a job which means moving (only around half an hour or so). This also means we will be moving her school after the summer holidays. Whilst I know it is the right thing job wise, the mum guilt is eating away at me. I feel awful at the idea of moving her away from friends and her having to start a fresh.

Has anyone been through this before and can give me some advice!

If it's only half an hour away, do you have to move schools?

If it’s 30 mins away I’d just carry on where she is? I don’t see the point of all the upset and changing where she’s happy for this sort of distance? Lots of children in my DCs school travel this sort of distance due to similar circumstances.

Can’t you stay in your current house and husband do the commute to the new job

Why are you moving if it's only 30 mins away - are they providing accommodation?

Will you get a place at a school nearer to your new home?.I know there is a falling birth rate but there is still a stricter class size rule up to Y2. Schools can't keep a place that is available now for you to take up in September, you usually have to start within 2 weeks of being offered a place. You may have to leave your child at their current school until a place becomes available. I think you may be getting ahead of yourself.

We moved last summer, DC1 had just finished Y3 and DC2 just finished reception. We’ve moved over 2 hours away so no choice but to move school. Both kids knew about the move in advance, and we visited the new school at the end of the summer term last year.
They’ve both settled super well, and are happy and progressing well. I think it helps that the new school is in an area where new kids aren’t unusual so they weren’t the only new kids in their year groups.

Also, to get a September place you need to apply after the May half term, otherwise they won’t hold it until September for you.

Does the job come with accommodation? Otherwise I can't understand why you need to move, surely DH could just commute?

I agree with your husband commuting and staying put. Jobs aren’t always as permanent as we’d hope. I used to have a 3 hour commute when mine were that age so we could keep them settled in their school/nursery and community.

But moving schools is fine, as long as it doesn’t become a pattern: new job in another year or two and another move. Generally, you keep dc stable and you adjust your commute and working life around that secure base you’ve created.

At 5 it may not be a very big deal. Friendships etc are fairly fluid still for many/most kids at that age.

As a child, my parents moved a lot and it was the one around this age that I didn’t bat an eyelid at. It’s when they get older it starts getting tricky.

My child did this and it was absolutely fine. She had friends but quickly forgot them and made new ones. I think they adapt quickly at that age. Focus on what is new/exciting about the new school so they see it as a positive thing.

I wouldn't want to do two hour-long round trips a day with associated petrol costs! 10 hours driving a week for the next 6 years!

We moved our son after Reception because we were moving from a smaller town to a city. Different for us though, as he was struggling in his old school with 32 kids in a class, a large number highly disruptive, and we managed to go for an independent school. 14 kids in a class with a teacher and TA, he settled in like a dream straight away. It's hard to predict, but your daughter might even prefer her new school in the end. Moving schools every couple of years would be disruptive, but once is usually fine.

Have you actually enquired about school place availability where you are planning to move to? Places in YR to Y2 are harder to get because there is generally a cap of 30 . You post reads as though you are assuming a place will be available at a school acceptable to you, just when you want it. Even if a school has a place now, they cannot leave it open for you to take up in September. You may find that you have to do the commute to the current school until a more local place becomes available.

Quite surprised at all of the comments saying stay where she is. I'm going to assume you need to move, and don't want a 30 min school run commute. Which is perfectly reasonable.

She is 5, she will adapt quickly and make new friends, it is much easier at that age than when they are older.

well, it makes no sense on paper that they're moving for a job that's only 30 minutes away ..

This is correct. Class limit of 30 and places are only held for 2 weeks. Having said that we currently have so few children on roll for reception next year and 20 in each of our y1 classes that we are going to from 3 form entry to 2 mixed classes so there is definitely a drop in numbers.

I would have felt as apprehensive as you do OP, but in reality, looking back on it all, I know Dc would have been very happy and settled in quickly had we changed schools. Especially in September after the long hols, and 'new house, new school' can be made to feel like a normal thing.

Moving school is fine as long as its only once and you don't plan moving alot. At 5 years relationships change even staying in the same school so I think it would be easy to make new friends etc. Just takes a little time and effort.

As a child that was moved every 4 years, its crap having to always start over so I'm very anti moving until for a good reason.

@Jam8we ‘had to’ move DS twice in primary. I’m using inverted commas because it wasn’t actually compulsory but both times it was for work and the best balance for our family. So he moved at the end of Reception - this was 100% fine, literally no bother at all. Within a month he barely remembered the old school and was so completely happy and settled! One thing I did that I recommend is I reached out on the local area group and found someone at the new school who was happy to meet up for a play date in the summer hols, so he knew someone going in. It was absolutely fine, no problems at all!!

We did then ‘have to’ move again when he was in Y5 and it was a lot harder, took longer to settle, missed his old school and friends a lot more and, though happy at the new school (and now at secondary), has never forgotten the feeling of sadness at moving. I wouldn’t do that again in a hurry.

I always think the earlier you move them in age the better.

My DD1 we moved her primary school when she finished year 1 as she just didn’t seem happy there which really wasn’t like her. She then went to the new primary school until she left in year 6 and there was no issues whatsoever. She started senior school in September and we took out in February due to bullying and the plan was to home school until contracts were exchanged for our new home (in a new area) in March but it fell through. She then went to a new senior school from April until July which is when we moved a few hours away and then started a new school last September. If anything it has done her the world of good as she learnt how toto make new friends when in reception and year 1 she would only ever play with one girl. Now she is a social butterfly.

When we moved in July, our 3 other daughters all moved. DD2 moved at the start of year 6 and the teacher called me that evening to tell me within about ten minutes, she had made a massive group of friends and she has never seen a child just slot in so well. Out DD3 & 4 also started the school at the start of year 2 and again no issues.

We never had any major concerns about the youngest two as younger kids just get on with it. We more concerned about the older two as it can be harder to make friends at that age. But it was by far the best decision for our kids, we live in a safer area, they all have made lasting friendships and have settled in so well. I have found that kids seem to gravitate more towards the newer pupils in their class as it’s someone new and exciting.

You're being ridiculous. Do you even remember your school, teachers and friends from when you were 5? Kids make friends really easily at that age.

Reception to Y1 is a hell of a lot easier than later in primary so don’t feel guilty.

TBF I remember a lot of it.

Who the hell ups sticks and moves house because they’ve started a new job 30 minutes away?!