Experiences of controlled crying when moving a breastfed baby to own room

[MarLiz2026]

My baby is almost 6 months old and will be making the transition to her own room very soon. I exclusively breastfeed and have pretty much fed her to sleep every night since she has been born.

She isn’t the worst sleeper, but she definitely isn’t the best. On a good night she will wake up 2 times, her average is about 4 (this includes one at around 10pm when I am still awake) and on a bad night she can wake up 6, 7 maybe 8 times. The bad wake up nights most of the wake ups are after 3am.

I have wanted to stop her relying on being fed to sleep and I really want her to have some ability to get back to sleep without me every time when she is in her own room. The past few nights I have been trying a form of ‘Controlled Crying’ where if she cries in her crib I let her cry for a couple of minutes, then I check on her, rub her back, talk to her in a soothing voice then I leave the room - this repeats until she settles and each time of me going in gets a little longer.

The most I have actually left her crying continuously without comfort is around 5 minutes (usually around 10-15 minutes of crying overall but with me going in there). She seems to settle and be ok after and sleeps well. I am also still feeding her each time she wakes up at night.

The thing is I HATE doing it. It feels really awful with her crying and I know it isn’t for long but I feel like a terrible mum. Have other people had these feelings and has anyone had success stories with Controlled Crying?

If there are other methods to recommend please let me know! I do not want to do cry it out and pick up put down doesn’t suit my baby as she can get hysterical when I pick her up.

Ds was 9 months.. I sent dh in to resettle without lifting him out the cot.. Slept through on the third night. Knew no breast milk was coming his way! And he morphed literally overnight into a pleasant baby and not a miserable tired little sod!!

Tbh I think it's a big leap going from in your room feeding to sleep to this.. it's too much of an adjustment imo. Woukd it be easier for you to keep her in the room with you a little longer? As getting up physically 4x a night is a lot. Unfortunately I remember a real sleep regression around 6m but of course this might just have been my chikd. I actually started bringing mine into bed on the first wake around that stage in pure exhaustion and desperation.
Does yours take a soother? That might help a little. Sorry no answers but if you feel Cc not for you or your baby, I'd say don't do it as you may regret.

Definitely felt easier at 9m. I remember being able to put him back after the 10pmish feed and he just actually stayed asleep for 6h.. life changing.

She is still in my room at the moment and will be for at least a few more weeks 🙂That’s why I’m trying to start the transition now so hopefully by the time she gets to her own room she won’t be so reliant on feeding to sleep and we all might sleep a little better.

Thank you for commenting though. I am not sure how I feel about Cc so wanted some advice, although I appreciate all babies and mums are very different!

6 months is too young to be left to cry alone in my opinion.
Is there a dad/partner around?
Can they stay with her instead of leaving?

She’s so tiny, at 6 months why does she need to be in her own room? Is that something you actively want or is someone suggesting it to you?

2 or even sometimes 4 wakes is completely normal at her age, feeding to sleep is normal, being in the same room is healthy and normal. You don’t need to make any changes unless you’re desperate to. You definitely don’t need to leave her to cry. The reason it feels awful is it goes against all of your natural normal motherly instincts to comfort and be there for your baby! The concept of not doing that is such a modern and western one, it feels shit for a reason. She’s only 6 months.

I think 6 months is too young for that strategy. She is still very young.

Ok thank you for your opinion! Yes there is a dad around who does also go and settle her. Often baby will feed, sleep and then wake up shortly after which is usually when husband goes in to settle, but this can take a long long time and more often than not results in me feeding her for comfort again.

As I said in the post this has only been a couple of days (2 nights to be exact) so it’s all very new.

She is little yes! Whilst I love having her in my room (I really do) it is getting to the point where I feel I am disturbing her and she is disturbing me. Whilst she often wakes up 4 times a night, she can stir and roll a lot which wakes me up and I am finding it difficult getting back to sleep. She also can have a habit of waking up at 3am and being wide awake for an hour or so before going back to sleep. Moving her into her own room is with some hope that we may disturb each other a little less and we all get better sleep.

In the UK where I live NHS guidelines is for baby to sleep in the same room as you for at least 6 months. I know this does not mean they have to move at 6 months but it is supported by the NHS if they do move at this age.

There is also mine and my husband’s relationship which is absolutely fine, but I cannot pretend having a little human in the room hasn’t changed things (expectedly so) and it would be nice to just be able to talk in bed, watch some TV etc without worrying about waking her.

Thanks for the comment.

I think it's confusing for her for you to delay comforting her, then go to her but withhold comfort (feeding).

If you want to stop feeding to sleep, feed earlier in the bedtime routine then hand over to dad to settle her to sleep without feeding. He can stay with her to cuddle and rock/settle her in the cot.

5 months is too young for controlled crying, hopefully you don’t leave her alone whilst doing this. Trying to settle her while she’s sleepy rather than feeding to sleep makes sense, but I’d sack off controlled crying.

Mine slept through on the third night.

Thanks for the comment & opinion. Baby is basically 6 months old (in a couple of days).

I have been outside the door and she has white noise/music on in the room. If she cries I have gone in after around 1 minute and stayed with her for a minute or 2, then left for 2 minutes, then gone back in for a minute or 2 and so on. I do not leave the room if she is crying, she is calmed by me rubbing her back.

As mentioned in the post the most she has cried for without me going in is around 5 minutes and I didn’t like it - hence the reason for me writing this post and asking for success stories, opinions and other method recommendations.

Thanks 😊

Oh god I tried this once with my eldest when he was under 1, I lasted one night. Leaving him to cry even 5 minutes was just awful. Instead I went through other way and bed shared (safely). Looking back I’ve no regrets. They’re so small for only a short time, getting up to breastfeed is a right faff. And I’ve been there with the relationship aspect but again it’s a short period in the grand scheme of things. Don’t change things because you feel you ought to, nhs is a guide to keep babies safe but it’s absolutely fine to keep baby with you longer than the 6m minimum.

To clarify, 6 months old is also too young for controlled crying. Hopefully you get some helpful recommendations and can get more reliable sleep soon

Thank you for your comment! I feel you and yes feeling a little concerned about the 4 wake ups - hence why I wanted to try something to see if we can get these down a bit! (I don’t expect her to sleep through the night etc)

The relationship part isn’t really the reason, it is just an added factor.

I know they are tiny for such a short amount of time and it makes me very emotional that she’s growing so quickly! However, I had insomnia through a lot of my pregnancy and am struggling with my sleep now (I have ALWAYS been a bad sleeper). I feel moving rooms might help us both (as mentioned above) and I think if we have both had better sleep in the day it can only make things better for us?

Appreciate the comment though - thank you.

I think don’t ‘push through’ anything baby-mum bond related that goes against your instincts unless there’s a very good reason (like letting a nurse stick needles in them!). It doesn’t sound like you’re comfortable with the crying even if it doesn’t sound wrong to you on paper. So much changes month on month anyway, there’s no need to put pressure on it unless you’re dangerously tired. TV/sex can wait!

Interesting, when I have looked into it I have only seen recommendations to start from 6 months!

We replaced overnight feeds with water - provided by dad - at around 9mo. So we spent a long weekend where I fed to sleep as usual early evening and DH did all the night waking and offered only water.

That worked because baby fed extremely well during the day so definitely wasn't hungry, and baby was 9mo which is hugely different from 6mo. 5 solid minutes of crying must be excruciating to listen to? I couldn't do it.

Interesting - thanks for the advice! I’m glad that worked for you!

Yes, 9 months is quite different to 6. It wasn’t nice and as mentioned I have only done this for 2 nights, she has settled within 15 minutes both nights.

I was looking for advice/shared experiences and it seems there has been enough of that for me to think that maybe this isn’t the method for me and we can try something else!

Again, the absolute main reason for me wanting her to go into her own room is because of my poor sleep and hoping it may improve things for both of us. I am not in a rush and will only make the move when I feel we are both ready, but I have been anticipating this to be somewhere in the 6th - 7th month. Thanks for the comment!

Absolutely no judgement in what I say, but I always think if it feels wrong it probably is wrong

if you want her out of your room I’d just move her, but you (or maybe dh would be better) go in as much as she needs you, straight away, and hope it reduces in time if your theory is right that you’re disturbing each other

if you’re not disturbing each other and that’s just how much she wakes then that’s in the realm of normal and it’s fine, and to make my life easier I’d leave her in my room. She’s only 5 or 6m right now, I do think there’s sometimes unrealistic expectations set on mums to have their babies sleeping through and their relationship with dh back to normal

Thank you 🙂I’ll be honest I was expecting a lot more positive comments about Cc as people I know, social media etc talks a lot about ‘sleep training’ and how well it can work.

I haven’t been feeling great about it, was half expecting comments to persevere etc and have instead received a lot of more negative ones which has made it easier. I don’t need people on the internet to tell me how to parent, but listening to other experiences etc can help.

I don’t expect her to sleep through the night at all! I am happy to wake up, but would prefer if it was more consistent (as mentioned in post she can vary massively with wake ups). I also don’t want her to only rely on feeding to sleep.

I think when I feel ready for her to move we will just see how it goes, and if it doesn’t help she can move back in with me - no problems!

Just want to add as well as it might seem like husband is pushing this - he isn’t at all and doesn’t care if/when she moves into her own room. He’s following my lead!

i tried it once when my DC was around 10 months and I was exhausted as he slept like shit. I cried more than he did and never again. Sorry not helpful. 6 months is so very young. Does she feed on a rough schedule. Can you ‘dream feed’ at the 10pm slot? Have you got a comfy chair in her room to snuggle in? I spent a lot of time on our chair. My DH Also did his fair share.

why are you needing her to self settle? I think she’s too young.

FWIW my kids neither sleep through the night until around 2.5 ish and the 3 yo still wakes frequently.

There's a very good book OP, I lent it to someone to help you get there gradually but I can't think of the name. Gentle sleep maybe. Little things like popping her off you immediately she's finished feeding.. I can't remember what else.
It sounds so twee but those little feeds in the dark when the rest of of house is still become some of the sweetest memories. Yes I do remember the absolute hit a wall exhaustion too but the sweetness endures long after you forgot that tiredness!
I did baby whisperer pick up, put down on my first and regretted it.