Experiences of controlled crying when moving a breastfed baby to own room

[MarLiz2026]

My baby is almost 6 months old and will be making the transition to her own room very soon. I exclusively breastfeed and have pretty much fed her to sleep every night since she has been born.

She isn’t the worst sleeper, but she definitely isn’t the best. On a good night she will wake up 2 times, her average is about 4 (this includes one at around 10pm when I am still awake) and on a bad night she can wake up 6, 7 maybe 8 times. The bad wake up nights most of the wake ups are after 3am.

I have wanted to stop her relying on being fed to sleep and I really want her to have some ability to get back to sleep without me every time when she is in her own room. The past few nights I have been trying a form of ‘Controlled Crying’ where if she cries in her crib I let her cry for a couple of minutes, then I check on her, rub her back, talk to her in a soothing voice then I leave the room - this repeats until she settles and each time of me going in gets a little longer.

The most I have actually left her crying continuously without comfort is around 5 minutes (usually around 10-15 minutes of crying overall but with me going in there). She seems to settle and be ok after and sleeps well. I am also still feeding her each time she wakes up at night.

The thing is I HATE doing it. It feels really awful with her crying and I know it isn’t for long but I feel like a terrible mum. Have other people had these feelings and has anyone had success stories with Controlled Crying?

If there are other methods to recommend please let me know! I do not want to do cry it out and pick up put down doesn’t suit my baby as she can get hysterical when I pick her up.

I've remembered! It's the No-cry sleep solution. Not a quick fix but some good tips.

Sorry to hear this - it is hard especially with rubbish sleep!

I do have a comfy chair! Although not used at the moment as she’s still in with us.

I do feed her at around 10pm - our/her routine looks something like 7pm feed & bed, 10pm feed, 1am feed, 3am feed and then from 3am onwards it could be anything! Sometimes she will stay asleep until 5ish then sleep again until 7ish, sometimes she will sleep until 6ish 7ish and sometimes she will wake up at 3:30, 4, 4:30, 5, 5:30 etc.

I am and always will continue to feed her at night, but I was hoping if she could self soothe a bit we wouldn’t have so many post 3am wake ups when we have them. I know in those wake ups she isn’t hungry, and if she could soothe a little she might get herself back to sleep.

Anyway, it seems lots of people think this is probably wrong so I’m glad I’ve asked and will figure it out somehow. Thanks for commenting

We moved both of our EBF babies into their own room at 6 months, and even just being in their own room helped to improve their sleep. I think when they were in our room they were disturbed by us moving about and could probably smell milk etc. I think I also disturbed them by interfering when they didn’t need it - so if they stirred in their sleep I’d then think they needed a feed, but actually they were just having a little fuss and going back to sleep. They also seemed to be happier in the larger cot rather than the next to me crib, which by 6 months old didn’t leave them much room to move about to get comfy in.
I also changed the bedtime routine, so instead of feeding to sleep I’d feed, then bath, book etc and then put down into crib. Sat in the room and offered comfort if they were upset - either picking up and cuddling or shushing and patting, whatever they responded to best.
My oldest son straight away slept through the night and has done ever since. My youngest is 8 months now and I normally have to go in at least once or twice to comfort him with cuddles. Some babies just need more comfort than others. Some will be fine without a feed in the night (my baby is massive and well over double his birth weight which is one of the guidelines to stopping overnight feeds), some babies might be able to drop down to just one feed for a while. It just depends on their temperament and when they are ready.

We moved our baby into separate room at 9 months and she slept through the night straight away, it was great for our sleep and so nice to go to bed and sit in bed with the lights on and read, talk etc instead of sneaking in in the dark trying not to trip over things 🤣. I agree with others that perhaps 6 months just a bit too early. Right now you should just be super responsive to any upset and develop an ear for the crying and what the different types of cry mean for your baby.

I found that crying which had coughs in it usually was fine to leave as they were just frustrated and tired and would self settle, but any high pitched wailing for comfort I would respond to right away (after listening to the type of cry for a few seconds to ascertain what baby was communicating).

Do you wear earplugs and face mask? These are vital tools to help reduce baby sounds and movements from disturbing your sleep!