Is it normal for parents not to thank you for lifts?

[CJ50Mum]

Just looking general feedback. My daughter & 4 friends wanted to go shopping this week on their Easter holidays, I offered to bring them in the car & pick them up 3 hours later. Whilst they were shopping I did some shopping myself nearby. Dropped them all off at their front doors. One parent out of the 4 said thank you for bringing & collecting them. Is that normal now? I find it so rude that people can't even say thank you. If anyone brings my children anywhere or drops them home I always say thank you in person or via text. Kids are 12 for reference

YANBU

Did the kids say thank you?

Some children said thanks, some didn't. I always would text parents who have brought my children anywhere just incase my children forgot to say thank you

If I was part of organising the trip chatting to other parents to see who could do lifts then I would text thanks. If I saw you after I would say thanks. If the kids organised it themselves and I wasn't around then I probably wouldn't but I would absolutely be reminding my child to say thanks. I think at 12 they are on the edge of starting to make their own plans and then I stop getting involved and think it's teir job to show manners.

YANBU but people seem to be generally rude these days and forget their manners.

I’d probably say thanks just in the general conversation as you dropped them off, but I’d definitely expect a 12 year old to do their own organising lifts and expect them to have reliable manners. I’d be cross if my six year old grandson didn’t spontaneously say thank you, which he did without prompting yesterday after spending time with his best friend at her house.

No, I would expect the children to thank me, not the parents.

At what age would you think it's appropriate for parents not to message their thanks and the children to say thank you instead?

I think once they are at secondary school and organising things for themselves it's down to the kids to thank the parent. That said I often send and receive messages of thanks from parents still depending on the nature of the lift. E.g. lift home from an afterschool club, no wouldn't bother. They collected child at 5 am to take to ski trip then I would definitely send a message to thank them.

I'd expect 12 year olds to sort this themselves and to say thank you. I wouldn't expect parents to get involved. (I didn't even know most of my children's friends' parents when they were 12 so no idea how I would thank them anyway).

At 12, my parents wouldn’t have had contact details for the parents giving me a lift (and this was still in the age of mobile phones) so YABU - it’s on the kids to say thank you at that age.

I’d expect my dc to say thank you but by 12 they generally organise their own social life.

If your 12 year old "forgets" to say thank you, maybe it would be better to get them to text their thanks, rather than you doing it?

I’d expect the child to thank you not the parent, at 12 if they are old enough to go shopping alone they are old enough to say thank you. Parents at some point need to give a child space and not interfere too much to support independence.

At 12, the kids are old enough to be going to town by themselves, so they're old enough to be saying thankyou for the lift themselves.

I wouldn't expect that to be coming from their parents. You haven't done the parents a favour, you've done the kids a favour.

Thanks for the feedback, appreciate hearing different viewpoints. A couple of the kids have mild learning difficulties so wouldn't be safe getting the bus etc. I'd consider it a favour to the parents who were working & would have had to make other plans for the kids. I know all the parents since the kids were 4, we all have each other's numbers

I suspect you are still thinking of your daughter and her friends as younger and less capable than they are.
I'm slightly struggling to understand a learning difficulty that would preclude taking the bus with a group of others but not impact wandering round the shops, for example.

If working parents need to make "arrangements" for children, they have them in place well in advance. So you driving the children for a (presumably) short notice shopping trip is only a favour to them, not to their parents. (And as a parent, I'd then feel obliged to return the favour, which might actually be an annoyance, if I'd just expected the children take the bus).

At secondary school age I wouldn’t expect the parents to say thank you. I would however, very definitely expect the kids to say thank you. Mine have always had it drummed in to them to say thank you to anyone giving them a lift and I’d be horrified if they didn’t.

Yes, exactly. I might also thank the parent if I happened to see them, but at that age, it's the child's responsibility. I wouldn't text, no. By that age I'd be highly unlikely to have my child's friends' parents' phone numbers, apart from anything else.

I'd expect my 12 year old to say thank you. I know that both my children are 100% reliable to say please and thank you to other parents (not quite so polite at home but very good out and about).

If I saw the parent dropping them off I'd also say hello and thank you, but I wouldn't send a separate text if I hadn't seen them.

Once children reach Secondary school age I've always worked on the assumption that parental involvement reduces and the children become more independent.

I always find these threads a bit mad, people forgetting the odd time to say thank you or forgetting once, generally because there’s a conversation/ things are a bit hectic, they’re welcoming their child/ the child is overexcited. Saying that I have to remind my kids say please thank you sorry etc and some parents might forget and assume their child does it

Tbh ath that age I probably wouldn't think to thank you if I hadn't seen you. If I saw you as you dropped them back I would, definitely.

As long as the kids said thanks, that's all of really expect.

The town they were going to is 1 hour away & not good transport links,we are rural. I was shopping nearby if they needed me. As you know children with learning difficulties vary in what they can & can't do & they are individual. The trip was prearranged & not a last minute thing

Did you even see the parents. I would expect my 12 year old to thank you themselves.