Is it normal for parents not to thank you for lifts?

[CJ50Mum]

Just looking general feedback. My daughter & 4 friends wanted to go shopping this week on their Easter holidays, I offered to bring them in the car & pick them up 3 hours later. Whilst they were shopping I did some shopping myself nearby. Dropped them all off at their front doors. One parent out of the 4 said thank you for bringing & collecting them. Is that normal now? I find it so rude that people can't even say thank you. If anyone brings my children anywhere or drops them home I always say thank you in person or via text. Kids are 12 for reference

If it was the odd time not saying thank you I wouldn't mind but it's a reoccurring thing. Just getting people's general opinion on the topic

Are you giving a lift because you are happy to do so and you want your daughter to have a good time with her friends?

Or because you want an adult, who is not getting any benefit out of the arrangement, to acknowledge your contribution?

If you're doing it for the second reason, then maybe just stop?

If the children are not saying thank you to you, then perhaps point out to your daughter that you don't mind driving her and her friends, but you are not a taxi driver and they might like to think about how you feel when none of them can be bothered to so much as say a simple thanks. To be honest at 12, you can make a point of saying "thank you Sophie's mum for driving us" when they get out the car and they will hopefully get the hint.
(the taxi driving will only get worse as they get older; if you're bothered point it out now).

Apart from one of mine being taken to the airport for 4am by another parent - which I did thank them profusely for - I have never separately texted or messaged anyone who has given secondary aged dc a lift. The child having the lift would do that.
I mean, if I happened to be in the front garden, or I opened the door whilst the lift giving parent was still there, I'd have waved or said 'thanks' but I wouldn't then start messaging them separately.
I can equally say I have never received such a message from any of my dcs' friends over all the years of bringing them up - and I've given a LOT of lifts in that time.
So I'd say it is pretty normal, yes.
The dc would thank the driver themselves.

I’d have texted absolutely

It’s up to the kids.

We took one of my daughter's friends from Edinburgh to Newcastle one Christmas. He(friend )was about 21, she was 19. He'd arranged for his parents to pick him up from my parents' house where we were staying.
When his mum phoned all I could hear was "have you remembered to say thank you for the lift?" He had but I thought it was lovely his mum was still trying to instill good manners. We laughed about it for ages.

The children should say thank you. I very rarely even see the parents when dropping off, definitely no one would come out to the car to thank me. At most, we might give each other a wave as I drive away. If we were messaging though to arrange (instead of the girls), yes, I’d say thank you, but I don’t have everyone’s number.

It does make a difference that some of the children have learning difficulties because offering a completely alternative viewpoint…

i wanted dds to start getting independent around about that age, so a bus trip in the day time with friends is about spot on age appropriate wise. So I get super irritated with one parent who does not allow her child any independence because it’s holding them all back. So for example say the kids all organised at school to get the bus to the shops. Then this mum makes a WhatsApp group with all us mums and asks who can drop off/who can share lifts etc.

inside I’m thinking ‘nooooooo I actually WANT dd to do this on her own’

so i deliberately don’t want to say thank you because I don’t want her to do the lifts!

That said, the learning difficulties are relevant…do they all know that some of them can’t make age appropriate travel yet?

I was always the one driving and dropping home because I worried about safety - especially at 12. That’s still quite young. I would be VERY grateful to any parent who offered to reciprocate. So YANBU.

But not all parents seem to have the same concerns - I remember one young friend of my dd (who stayed at our house) being expected to get three buses home in the morning on her own even though she was in a semi rural area and didn’t know where she was. I drove her. I couldn’t stand the thought of her having to navigate public transport on her own like that. I certainly did not expect a thanks from a parent who did not even give a shit how their child got home.

I don’t think that was your call to make @Screamingabdabz. Did you check with the parents first if it was ok that you gave her a lift instead?