Was it unreasonable to ask grandparents to limit our four-year-old's screen time?

[BeatletteForever]

Just a vent and wondering if I was in the wrong or my dad?
Both me and my DH had work so we asked my parents if they could look after our 4yo ds which they agreed to.
They tend to do the majority of babysitting as my mil has ms and can't look after him by herself and fil works full time and cares for her when he's not working.
DS came home happy but then wanted to watch something. I asked if he'd watched anything earlier, as we try to limit screen time.
He said yes that he watched something before lunch and then after lunch until DH picked him up. Which would have worked out of about 3-4 hrs worth. So I said no and he started crying and getting very worked up. So we phoned my brother to double check. My dad answered and said that was correct. My DH spoke to brother and basically said we try to limit screen time so try not to make this a habit. My dad took over the call and said my brother was upset (brother is autistic) and said we did you a favour looking after ds, you can't put parameters and what we can do when he's with us, and if you don't like it you can get someone else to look after him.
I asked to speak to my brother and said we weren't upset or angry with him, but wanted to check ds was telling us an accurate story. And just try not to give him more than 2 hrs screen time a day. Brother was ok with this. But dad got back on the phone and repeated above.

Are we wrong not to want too much screen time? Especially as it was a nice day and could have had some outdoor play? Or did my dad overreact?

If you are not happy then dont ask them again but they were helping you out

All the phoning and checking stories seems wildly OTT and I’m not surprised they felt a bit defensive about it.

They did you a favour, it meant he watched TV for longer than he would usually, so in future you can either choose that knowing it might involve more screen time than you’re happy with or find another childcare option.

Honestly if you want him to spend the day being entertained without watching TV then you need to use professional childcare.

If your parents are helping you out by watching your son for the whole day then I'd have no problems with him watching TV for prolonged periods of time. They are doing you the favour and I can see why they were annoyed at your attitude towards their help.

You are not unreasonable to not want a lot of screen time but your dad is also not unreasonable to tell you how to make this happen - get someone else to mind him who limits screen time.

You don't mention if you are paying your parents or not...either way it's a big ask to have them mind a grandchild. And then dictate what they can and can't do.

Agree with others- it’s one day, they are doing you a favour, they don’t cause him any harm. You’re completely over reacting.

I can see all points of view.

Four hours of TV wouldn’t work for us.

But equally it’s fine for your dad to be honest and say that if they have him, they are going to rely more on TV. They need to be honest with you about what they can, or are willing, to do.

I think YABU on this occasion. I am a grandparent and not yet in my 60s and I find looking after a full on toddler tiring. I certainly don’t have the energy I used to, so maybe your parents used screen time to help them as they were tired. I think that you need to suck this up as they were doing you a favour. I understand you were just trying to clarify things but maybe just letting screen time go for one day wouldn’t be the end of the world.

YABU if you aren’t happy with how they choose to look after your child then don’t ask them again .

Your husband told your brother not to make it a habit ?? Well , i know what id be saying if i was giving free childcare to that . I agree with your dad .

If family are providing free childcare then you just have to accept they will keep your child safe and hopefully happy and be grateful.

If you have specific standards then I would pay for childcare that suits.

So you didn’t have the discussion up front. They helped you out with xhild care. You then rang to complain about how they did it.

Playing that back you can probably work out the answer.

You are in the wrong . Sounds like your parents did you a big favour despite having their own issues to deal with . You also don't appreciate how demanding and tiring it is when you are older to look after a 4 year old , letting him watch kids programmes is giving them a break too . It will do him no harm once in a while .
If you want to set the rules then look after him yourselves as you may have to now that you've probably really annoyed them .

I think I might have mentioned this in passing, not in a special phone call, if at all.

as a one off, and a last minute favour that helped you out, it's unreasonable of you and husband @BeatletteForever

If they were regular caretakers then boundaries are ofc acceptable.

Unnecessary upset all around 😥

Yes that might have been better, we just wanted to check how much he'd already watched to see if he could watch anymore.

They are regular caregivers and we have mentioned it before, as it happened ages ago.
But we are seeing them Monday so we will apologise and hopefully move on.

You’re not unreasonable to want to limit the screen time. My daughter is not allowed any access currently.

I do, however, think you’ve been unreasonable in the reaction to people doing you a favour.

Even if he'd watched another show with you... It's one day, so what?

You're both right.

It is too much screen time and on a lovely day like today it would have been far better for him to have been outside running around.

But, your Dad is right that they're doing you a favour and it's up to them (as long as what they do is safe and legal!) to do whatever they want when they're looking after him.

The answer is paid childcare. Or putting up with slightly substandard care and enjoying the saving.

I work on the basis that if you hand your child over to another adult, you have to accept how that adult chooses to look after your child. If you can't accept it, you shouldn't be asking the adult to take care of them. However, an elderly friend who often looked after my DD was exemplary in following the routines and wishes of her three very different children when looking after her grandchildren.

YANBU to not want your child watching TV for hours every day.
But that is why you need to pay for professional childcare.

YABU to ask parents to regularly look after a 4 year old for a full working day.
YABVVVU to then criticise the way they do it.

Christ yet another helicopter parent raiding the next generation of children

It's not like checking whether he's had calpol, having extra screen time one day is not going to affect him in any way. Your parents helped you out and handled it as they needed to, I imagine their response to your instruction not to make it a habit would probably be not to make it a habit to ask them then. Yes, it's good to keep screentime to a minimum but a day here and there of more is not an issue, sometimes needs must and it sounds like that's the situation with your older parents, particularly at the last minute with nothing planned.

This isn't a 'one off day' - the OP has said she leaves her dc with the Grandparents regularly for when they are at work

You are being ridiculous. Your parents were doing you a favour, they are not your employees so you don’t get to set terms.