Organising finances between SAHP and high earner parent.

[Sliverofdarkness]

Wondering how to organise finances when one parent is a stay at home parent for a number of years, from a previously good career, and the other is still a high earner? Would you pay the SAHP a childcare salary for the hours they are at home solo with the kids? Which is probably a minimum wage type salary. Or would you split the High earner parent's salary equally between the parents? Which is fair?

All finances are joint

50/50 is fair because it is a partnership and all things are equal.

The SAHP enables the other parent to maximise their salary.

Put all the money in a joint account you both have access to.

We did it as all income goes into one pot and split equally everything left after bills, expenses and savings.

When I was a full time mum, my husband and I shared everything - it was one pot which we used for all expenses. When I went back k to work, we just added my wages to the pot.

I'd also make sure that a private pension was being funded for the SAHP

The shared finances thing is so obvious I don't understand the merit of any other way unless for example one person is extremely reckless with spending, or addiction.

There certainly should be no lopsided split on the basis of some sort of 'worth'.

You are a partnership. You have jointly decided that one persons key role will be to earn money while the others will be to raise children. Both have equal value to your family. So you both share the family finances.

Either all joint or equal personal money with all household expenses including children related meet jointly.

DH and I were in this situation (although our DC are now teens and I'm back at work full time). All finances were shared equally between us.

Paying you a minimum wage salary would be completely unfair when you have high earning potential. If this is what DH wants, maybe suggest that he is the SAHP and you return to your high earning career.

Definitely this. You can put £2880 into a SIPP with no income and get the tax relief automatically to make the amount £3600.

You can also do this for children in a JSIPP

Put all money into one current account

Pay all direct debits from this account.
Communicate as adults for any extra expenditure over and above normal living expenses.
Save balance each month into savings account

Rinse and repeat.

Anything else seems to lead to resentment and control issues.

Put it all in one pot and that’s that - you have equal access. Paying the SAHP a ‘salary’ seems ridiculous and really puts it on a very odd level. You both have jobs, one is in the home rearing children, one is outside working for someone else. One half is not ‘employing’ the other. Presumably you are a team and the money is joint.

Are they married? If so, shared money with equal access. If not, the SAHP really needs to get back to work with childcare costs split 50/50.

Get married.
then do what @Tessasanderson said. All money is joint money.
If not married get a job today. And pay into your own pension . And 50:50 on child care if the bigger earner won’t pay. And 50:50 on everything else, if he won’t do proportionally. And this includes house work.

Private pension paid for, and joint account.

I wouldn’t do it any other way. The SAHP is not a child getting an allowance. They’re a partner presumably not working because of a joint decision about what is best for the family.

All money into the pot. Split the surplus 50/50.
Also split free time 50/50. One parent doesn't get 4hrs of football and two gym sessions a week and the other gets 1hr for a run.
Also split weekend lie-ins 50/50.

I’m not a SAHP, but I work part time and when I was on mat leave my salary went down to nothing at times.

We put everything in the joint account. All joint spending comes out of here, e.g. bills, days out together, stuff for the kids, house stuff, petrol, car insurance etc. We also have joint savings.

We then each have the same amount of personal spending money that goes into our personal accounts (£400/month in our case). This is for personal things only like my phone contract, my clothes, socialising with my friends.

Would you pay the SAHP a childcare salary for the hours they are at home solo with the kids? Which is probably a minimum wage type salary.

😱

No. You are not your OH's employee and looking after your own child is not a job.

I work and my OH doesn't. He actually has some passive income but regardless - all our money is our money.

I dont automatically think think everything should be shared.

However
Married...
Kids...
Giving up lucrative career...

That is "team" territory.

Teams share equally teams do not give 1 member minim wage whilst the other browses loro piana for weekend wear...

Dh deals with all the bills and accounts. I don’t have any access to them. I have Schizoaffective disorder and overspending past. Just keeping money safe.

How we did things and continue to do them as I work part-time to support our SN child:

Everything is joint. All money earned belongs to both of you equally. All bonuses earned belong to both of you equally. Pension contributions made in both names if at all possible and if not into a savings account.

If you have children, you are a financial team. If you decide not to be a team, there can’t be a sahp or a parent who steps back their career. Each adult will have to keep prioritizing money despite that not necessarily being best for the child(ren).

Also adding, if not married, under no circumstances should one parent agree to stay home or step back, even if finances are shared.

We share everything. All goes into joint account and we both have the same spending money.

One pot is the only sensible way. With an obvious understanding that it isn’t the wohps money, but both. Any hint of ‘I pay for this’ and ltb. If you like to not see what the other spends, then 50/50 fun money out if whatever is available for that in to individual accounts. Obvo private pension for the sahp to the same value as whatever the wohp pension is.
I think it would be insulting to be paid a salary (and a NMW salary even worse) by the child’s other parent. You’re basically saying ‘my contribution is up here, and yours is down there.’ Whereas, they’re equal.

If married, all finances are joint. So things just get paid out of a central pot. A budget should be written, and each partner has equal spending money from what’s available after expenses.