Organising finances between SAHP and high earner parent.

[Sliverofdarkness]

Wondering how to organise finances when one parent is a stay at home parent for a number of years, from a previously good career, and the other is still a high earner? Would you pay the SAHP a childcare salary for the hours they are at home solo with the kids? Which is probably a minimum wage type salary. Or would you split the High earner parent's salary equally between the parents? Which is fair?

We have joint finances .

Very good, agreeable points from posters.
However, some people don't think everything ought to be shared.
I don't have any children, but absolutely wouldn't support another adult to stay at home, ever.
I guess I this case it would be childcare and back to work?
Hill I would be willing to die on, as they say.
Couldn't even look at the person living off me, homemaker, child rearer or whatever. If able bodied, off to work they'd go.

Couldn't even look at the person living off me, homemaker, child rearer or whatever. If able bodied, off to work they'd go.

Do you not think there is a value in a child being looked after by one of their parents? Genuine question, I am not being antagonistic, I am interested in your view.

SAHM here . He earned the money and I spent it . Spent on our lifestyle so kids, food, clothes,holidays , presents . Anything special or expensive I might mention it first . Both equal access to money and both a ke to look at accounts .

I don't understand the yours and mine finance style . What if one earned more than the other. Who pays for your joint children. Unless one partner is unreliable with money I don't see why it's necessary.

Joint accounts for current and savings. Plus payment into a pension for the SAHP although it makes more financial sense for a high earner to pay extra into their own pension to reduce their income tax liability. At the end if the day in the event of divorce that would be shared anyway,

Entirely reasonable so long as you also go strictly 50:50 on the household and any parenting, including taking time off when DC are not well etc.

But I think all the answers are based on the assumption that both parents are in agreement about one not working. Not on a situation where one parent says “I’m not working and that’s that”.

I do have children and would never be a SAHP, it’s not for me. But that doesn’t change my answer that if parents agree that one being a SAHP is best for the family, then finances should be shared. It’s not really relevant that I wouldn’t choose that situation.

SAHP isn’t for me, but in the fictional reality where I would consider it, there would be conditions.

I would only leave my job if my partner had a significantly high income, and there would be no impact on our lifestyle.

I’m a high earner, so that would be a tough ask, but he would have to be so affluent that my wages were just a nice extra. I would not be happy to change our lifestyle or sacrifice anything (holidays, cars etc). I’d rather work.

I also would expect all finances to be joint, and a pension contribution to be made. I’m not sacrificing my future.

I would only ever consider it if I had my own pre-existing savings, or independent income stream. I would want to be absolutely sure that if we separated I had a safety net available.

I actually prefer working full time over even the idea of being a SAHM, but if it was ever a conversation - he’d have to be able to fully support all of us, to have the life we do now, and I’d need to be sure I wasn’t coming out of it worse off.

I’m not a SAHP, but I am at home because I’m off long term sick. Our dc are school age.

Dh pays me a set amount every month. From that, we both pay into a joint account. He pays more because he earns more. From what he pays me, I pay half into the joint account and half is personal spending money. So in our case, Dh pays me £2k, I add £1k to our joint account (Dh adds about £2.5k) and I have £1k a month for my own spends. Dh also pays for any big things, like car repairs or the boiler service or holidays.

I’ve always had my own money so I won’t do this whole family money everything in one pot thing. I don’t want to ever have to ask Dh if I can buy things, nor do I want to be counting pennies to make sure money is split equitably. When it’s my money in my account, I have full control over what gets spent and my own personal finances.

We just have everything joint. Nobody has "spending money" we just buy what we want or need when we want/need it, but sensibly without going crazy. If we want to make a bigger purchase then we discuss it and research it.

Should probably think about pensions but we have been a bit head in the sand about that as only just surviving until more recently.

I think this is where personalities and attitudes to money come in. And I’m not saying one is better than the other.

We have shared money, and I never have to ask DH if I can buy things, or count to try and make it equitable. We aren’t aiming for totally equal spending all the time. But we have similar attitudes to money & spending, and neither of us will either be extravagant, or query what the other is spending, or feel guilty about what we spend. So shared money, for us, is the way that we don’t have to ask the other for money.

Out of interest, why does your DH transfer you £2k, the joint account £2.5k, and then you transfer £1k into the joint account? Why doesn’t he just do £1k to you, and £3.5k to the joint? The result would be the same?

All money is shared. DH puts entire salary into joint account. Any ISA savings etc is split 50:50. Whatever DH puts into his pension he tops up mine with identical amount. After 19 years our retirement savings (combined SIP -and ISAS) are nearly identical pots. I spend what I like - pay off my credit card monthly from joint account.

I don't understand in that case why you are replying to the thread?

If you have such strong views then it would be a good idea not to have children with someone who wants to be a SAHP. The question is for people who have presumably chosen this as a set up, and you wouldn't choose it, so it seems strange to respond.

I would suggest that the SAHP goes back to work as they are unlikely to catch up on their career again after a break of several years.

If one parent is sacrificing their career and financial independence then all income must be shared. And pay into a pension for non working parent

This

The best thing we did when I was a stay at home mum was my husband automatically paying £240/month into a SIPP for me. The government topped it up to £3,600 a year even though I wasn’t working.

I appreciate that not everyone can do this, but it meant a lot to me. Now that we are older, our pension pots are not evenly matched, but they are closer than they would have been, and this will be a tax advantage as we withdraw.

It’s a good thing to do, if you are in it for the long haul.

His salary went into the joint account so we both had financial transparency.

Agree with others. I was a SAHM for many years, and all monies, salaries, inheritances, bits and bobs went into the one joint account. Everything comes out of that joint account, all bills, expenses, spends.

The only individual accounts we have are ISA's as they are tax efficient, and we have the same amount maxed out.

If it's even a question, I would be very cautious being a SAHP. If the earning parent is suggesting paying their partner minimum wage then I'd worry about financial abuse down the line.

We had a joint bank account, so much fairer

This is what we do

All finances are joint. One joint current account and/or savings account. Individual ISAs, cos that’s the law, but topped up equally. Equal amounts into pensions.

We did this for a while and had

• a joint account for all incidental costs for the household and children
• pension contributions and ISAs to max amount
• a chunk of personal spend money sent over (in our case £10k) as needed so that there was independence and no need to justify spending
• the earning partner covered all bills

I would only be a SAHP if I were married to the father. Then, all income into the pot and 50/50 after bills/saving. Joint financial decision making.
If I were not married, I could not be a SAHP. Full stop. I’d have to go back to work full time and therefore split all child and house care 50/50 - either directly or financing someone to do it.