When should I start teaching DD stuff?

[LuckySalem]

DD is 5 months old and I know probably too early but.....

When do I start teaching her things.. I mean like if I want something I say "ta" when she gives it to me, is this too young to be doing this?
Also if she starts crying, I look away until she stops then pick her up and deal with whatever's wrong - although at the moment, this only works when she's tired and wants bed.

I'm just really aware that I don't want her to grow up into an unruly child (I know terrible 2's etc)

Oh also, Does reading to her at this age help or is it best to wait till she's a little older?

Message withdrawn

Talking and reading to babies is always worthwhile. She will automatically copy you as she gets older so yes, displaying good manners is always a good plan - similarly you may want to be aware of your less sensitive behaviour. I'm afraid my daughter (now 20 months) has learned to roll her eyes in exasperation when daddy says something mummy doesn't agree with .

I'm not sure she's going to understand you ignoring her being upset though.

Oh and they all go through the little bugger stage, it's part of development and you can't avoid it. The Toddler taming book may cheer you up though.

I was thinking that too?

I do it as someone said that you should never pick up a screaming baby and i've tried distracting her to stop crying but it doesn't work.

I'll add I only look away for about 5 secs and if it doesn't work I try something else.

God - Reading that back I sound like a horrid mother. It's hard to explain.

lol - whomoved. I better be careful of stuff like that then hadn't I as I always huff and sigh and mutter

Thanks sazzles - DP's sister said she taught her son sign language and he would do signs to ask for more milk etc. I dont' know sign language at all and I'm pretty sure DP wouldn't be interested in learning it to keep up the regularity which is a shame as I would love to be able to tell what she wanted sometimes.

I don't think that you can start too young to be honest. Babies are like little sponges and will probably be taking things in way before you realise and think: "oh best teach them X now".

Similarly many babies love sitting on your knee and looking at pictures in books at a really early age.

Is the ignoring until she stops crying thing based on the "ignore the bad behaviour, reward to good" philosophy? If yes, then I think probably a bit early. A 5 month old isn't crying to be "bad".

Enjoy chatting away to your DD, you will get more and more back over the next few months and it's just fab

"reward the good" (must preview!)

WMMC is this the toddler taming book? I could do with some support with my demon darling toddler at the moment!

We read right from the start. The sound of my monotonous droning seemed to be one of the few things that would soothe him, and now (19 months) he loves books. He often says 'booooook' and grabs one then says 'seeeeeeet' and sits down on our laps. Bless.

Ditto here. My 22 month old loves books. He'll sit and look at them himself, and we've a marvellous photo of him "reading" a railway magazine (upside down) while having his nappy changed. He tends to grab a book, then grab me and drag me to the settee saying "Mama chair".

It's never too early to start with any of these things IMO. Music is another one. Sing to her whenever you can, and have music on in the background. DS is really soothed now by music and he applauds music/songs when they finish.

BarbaraWoodlouse - yep that's the one. Have to say I don't agree with all of it but it did make me realise that my DD was just a 'normal' type of little bugger.

I don't think you have to teach her anything.

Children learn by example. You say 'thank you' (personally I don't like ta) when you take something from her. In time she learns to do the same.

You don't ignore her when she is upset - do you want her to learn that you don't care about her when she is hurt? Do you want her to ignore others when they are?

Example example example

Reading is something that will happen over years. Just enjoy looking at books. You don't even have to read them. Make her little life fun and treat her as you would want her to treat others.

hth

do what comes naturally

i definitely wouldnt be looking away from aa crying baby

crying is communication you need to respond by acknowledging and creating an emotional understanding with your baby by touch and eye contact not creating a barrier she isnt a dangerous dog

anyway
its never too early to talk to your baby and help her ionteract with her surroundings

lots of interesting things toi look at, things to hold and listen to

dont worry about bringing up an unruly child that is a negative approach concentrate on doing nice positive things together and gradually developing times of day when you have a relaxed routine ie not an imposed routine but one which evolves from both of you

"I'm just really aware that I don't want her to grow up into an unruly child (I know terrible 2's etc) "

Children are a bit unruly by nature and the terrible two and three and four is actually a healthy stage. I think the children who grow up to be the most "unruly" are often the ones whose parents are obsessed with them NOT being unruly.

Lots of wisdom here. You need to relax.

The most important thing you should teach your dd is that you love her. To grow up into a good caring well behaved citizen she needs, first and foremost, to know what love feels like. As she gets older, she will then want to reciprocate that love, she will learn to empathise with other people and respect their feelings if she sees you doing that, she will want to be like you.

So the things you should be concentrating on atm are interaction: playing peek-a-boo games, laughing with her, singing to her, sharing her enjoyment of the world. Books can be a very enjoyable part of that- if done for pleasure, not with some desperate idea that you've got to cram things into her before it is too late.

Ignoring crying because you don't want to encourage bad behaviour seems a bit odd: do you really believe that a crying 5mo is being naughty? What other means do they have to ask for help? She is hardly in a position to say: 'darling mummy, could you please be so kind as to pick me up'. But if you listen to her crying you might get to recognise the difference between different kinds of crying- it's a difficult language but it is a language.

Teaching her not to whinge comes much, much later- that's something you will be working on in the next year or two, not now. Or (if I have to be honest, in the next year or 10 )

As FairyMum says, you have got to accept that toddlers are unruly. You are in charge and have to prevent them from putting themselves into danger/wrecking the house/hurting others, but you cannot and should not try to make them be like sedate adults. A certain amount of fight is needed to be a toddler: they have obstacles to overcome and a lot of strange things to learn.

And I couldn't agree more with what FairyMum said about it being the people who worry most about unruliness that get the most unruly children later in life. I have seen a lot of that. So just relax and enjoy your daughter.

If your five-month-old can already speak fluently then I can sort of see why you would try ignoring the crying. But if (as I suspect) it's her only means of communication then it seems odd at best. What if your DH/DP were to say "Well, if LuckySalem starts trying to explain to me that she's not happy about something, I look away until she stops talking"?

I don't see the point of sign language-if you are attuned to your baby you know what she wants. If a baby cries they are distressed and want comforting.You don't need to teach just talk to her and play with her. Have fun.

i think the emphasis is on doing things that parents and children enjoy....that is how good relationships are built andd we aonly learn at all if we are happy

ACtual reading this young is overrated IMO - better just to have books around and look at the pictures / colours , feel the textures together. DD (10m) is juuust getting the hang of feeling everything on the current page, then turning over.

am at looking away when she cries - also at the person who said 'never pcik up a screaming baby'.
They can't talk - crying is the only way she can tell you she needs you. You don't have to pick her up straight away if you don't want to, you can talk to her, say 'Oh dd, what is it, what's up?' but I think it's important to respond quickly. Imagine if DH always looked away and counted to 5 before answering you!

I did find the (very limited) amount of sign language we did with DS useful when he was at the point where all his words sounded pretty much like "ba" or "ma". Having the signs as well was handy to know what he was on about.