When should I start teaching DD stuff?

[LuckySalem]

DD is 5 months old and I know probably too early but.....

When do I start teaching her things.. I mean like if I want something I say "ta" when she gives it to me, is this too young to be doing this?
Also if she starts crying, I look away until she stops then pick her up and deal with whatever's wrong - although at the moment, this only works when she's tired and wants bed.

I'm just really aware that I don't want her to grow up into an unruly child (I know terrible 2's etc)

yes what she should be learning at the mo is security and confidence in her relationships

one resaon for introducing things to do with abay when she is awake is because as a mum you sometimes get bored in fact you do get bored long before baby does

so if you like books then play with her with books

if you like painting then paint with her on your knee

it doesnt really matter she will respond to your love and closeness and gradually learn from your example

talking is also important talk all the time and say what you are doing etc a silent parent is not the way to go

I think you need to stop thinking in terms of "teaching" your baby things, and to start responding to her.

She cries because she wants attention. Is she hungry? Tired? Wet? Dirty? You have to work out why she needs you, and respond appropriately. Turning away is not helping you to learn appropriate responses, and all it is "teaching" your baby is that you are not a reliable mother.

You can and should start talking to your baby in the way you would wish her to talk to you right from birth - saying "hello darling" when you see her, "please can you lift your legs up" when you change her nappy etc. in a calm, soothing voice, "thank you" when she hands you something etc. She will learn how to talk from you, so talk to her as you would wish her to talk.

Another way of encouraging her to enjoy reading is to read your novel while she is playing near you. Maybe not just yet but when she can manipulate objects easily and if she turns out to be the sort of baby who likes to play alone.

You can sit and listen to music with her now.

Who on earth said you should never pick up a screaming baby? That sounds completely mad to me.

I agree it's never to young for books. Choose something with nice bright pictures and then even if your baby doesn't understand what s/he's looking at, there is a good reason to keep looking. At this age, you're showing them that a book is a fun thing to look at which is the start (hopefully) of enjoying books later in life.

Please don't look away when your baby cries. She is crying because she is trying to tell you something, and that is the only way how. If she is screaming, then she is desperate to convey some message to you. Don't ignore her.

She is far too young to behave badly.

I also think that five months is too young to teach, but you show her things by example. Relax, enjoy your baby, blow raspberries, give her a rattle and make silly faces, even show her a book if you want to.

But don't get stressed about what you should be doing with her at this age. Save that for later!

Little babies learn by observation, touch, listening, and experiencing the world around them. They love listening to you chatting about things, the postman on his round, the birds on the grass, the different coloured cars on the road, the things you are buying at the supermarket. Give things to your daughter to touch, examine the texture. Give a running commentary on your different household jobs while she watches. Take her to different places, park, town, swimming pool, woods and fields, beach, mum and baby groups, other peoples houses. other people full stop. A sociable baby who is confident around other, sometimes not well-known people, is lovely to have. Do read to her, sing or say songs, nursery or action rhymes. Get a CD from Early Learning if you don't know the songs/tunes. You don't need to teach as such, just prestent opportunities for discovery.

Anna8888 has a good point about talking to your child as you would wish to be talked to.

Agree with Anna re responding to your dd.

And be careful about over-stimulating your baby too.

We started reading to ours right away - particularily at bedtime, so we established a "bath, book, bed" routine quite early.

We are not routine-y people btw

A 5 month old isn't crying to be manipulative. They can't talk and it's their way of telling you that something is wrong.

My MIL came out with some of this rubbish when I had DS1 eg 'if you pick them up when they cry, they'll soon learn'. Learn what? That someone loves them?

Just talk to your baby and hug her and interact with her. They don't need 'teaching' at this age. When she's bigger, books are fun and good for pointing out animals etc.

A 5 month old isn't crying to be manipulative. They can't talk and it's their way of telling you that something is wrong.

My MIL came out with some of this rubbish when I had DS1 eg 'if you pick them up when they cry, they'll soon learn'. Learn what? That someone loves them?

Just talk to your baby and hug her and interact with her. They don't need 'teaching' at this age. When she's bigger, books are fun and good for pointing out animals etc.

I know a lot of people have said this but really
hold your baby talk to her softly all the time, show respect and love, respond to her calmly, get to know her and she will grow up confident and relaxed.
the point is you will not avoid future tantrums, kids need to explore and they need to develop and all those behaviours are part of it.
your calm measured and loving response can greatly minimise it

Agree with what most people have said about needing to respond to a crying baby and teaching by example, even if they can't be taught, it gets you in the habit of saying please and thank you and not swearing

Just wanted to add that reading is NOT overrated. Never too early to start reading to your baby. If nothing else, they love hearing the sound of mummy's voice, as well as starting to understand what a book is. I find rhyming books an excellent way of captivating my DD as she enjoys the rhythm. Books with photos of everyday objects or people's faces in them are also great - you can make stories up around each of the images as a way of telling them about the big wide world out there.

tbh at this stage i'd concentrate on educating yourself to question advice that you're getting. and yes, that means even on MN. if someone says something like 'never pick up a screaming baby' or 'don't look at a crying child' your next five questions need to be 'why?'
train yourself to think things through logically, all the better if you can try to do so from your child's perspective. good luck, you've had imo some good advice here. but it's what you think of the advice with regard to your child that's important.

On the reading subject my 9mo ds loves books he can grab. Reading "proper" books with pages that can tear is no good, but he has got some lovely books with hand puppets that go through the middle that he can interact with.

Board, fabric and books with buttons to press that make noises are a huge winner.

Agree with what everyone has said re ignoring crying. Your dc has yet to learn right from wrong and therefore can't be deliberately naughty.

Mine is starting to push boundaries although I suspect not deliberately - when he's doing something he shouldn't be like chasing the cat we say "no" 3 times then if he doesn't stop pick him up and remove him then try and distract. Not sure what else we can do really?

Yep, board books etc are ace. She'll still break them but at least it'll take longer!

We like this book because the flaps are board as well as the pages hence don't get ripped off in 30s or mean you have to spend all your time going 'no no' and prising it out of their fingers. Good textures / sparkles etc as well - actually the whole 'Baby, touch' range is pretty good.

You & your baby are learning all the time whether you realise it or not.Your learning how to be a mum (trial & error is the best way) & your daughter is learning about people & things all around her. Definately talk to your baby, sing nursery rhymes, play peek-a-boo all of these things encourage early language development. Reading to babys is encouraged apparently reading to a young child helps them once they go to school. I've read to my son since he was 3mths, he's 5 now & loves books he often falls asleep with a book in his hands,he's doing really well at school aswell. Just relax & your child will learn from you enjoy her while she's young & cross each bridge when you get to it!

Thanks for all these everyone.

I can't remember who said not to pick up the screaming baby - health visitor I think. And I'm sure she said something along the lines of try to distract her or something until she stops crying then pick her up. I tried the distracting thing and it made her worse so then I tried looking away and she stopped crying so I thought that had worked.
Anways - I never thought of it as ignoring her, so will change my ways.

Stella - DD does that with the cat. He's stupid enough to come in reach so she grabs at his fur and pulls. Silly cat stays there while she does it purring away. I've taken her hand away a few times and told her gently and then stroked him with her hand but she still hasn't got the idea.

Books - I started reading to her when she was tiny but she didn't seem interested at all, apart from trying to grab the book. Will try again now and see if she's changed.

Egypt - I thought "ta" would be easier for her to say (when she gets to it) as its only one sylable. My plan was to stick with ta for now and change it to thank you when she's older but the more I think about it now the more I can't help but think she'll have trouble with the change later. hmmm, something to think about a bit longer I think.

Thanks again everyone.

My DS used to say Ta from about 20mo, but it morphed into PEEZ (please) and NACK-OO (thank-you) when he was 2, although he needed prompting to say them as appropriate.

Girlywhirly - I'm glad that it can morph easily and think i'll stick with ta for now as I think it's easier to say.

Lucky - trying to grab the book shows she interested!

Oh - I didn't want her to keep it cos she's just trying to rip the pages out. I had a mini breakthrough the other day though. I read her a book and gave her a piece of paper to rip so she got to enjoy the story without making it so she can never read it again!

Agree - it is one thing to choose to ignore a toddler who has learnt that crying gets instant attention and is "putting it on" but a 5 month old is too young to use manipulation IMO.
I think this advice you have been given is one that is worth shelving for a little while. A 5 month old is crying because they are telling you something - hunger, tiredness, uncomfortable (nappy, hot etc) or even lonely and need reassurance. I think if you focus on working out and recognising different cries and reasons, you will help settle and reassure your baby better than leaving.
As for when to teach your baby stuff - you are already teaching your baby stuff! Lots of eye contact, big facial expressions, plenty of love and time together etc is the best stuff you can do. Enjoy your baby and worry about the other stuff later