SEN child repeatedly hurting my child - how to get school to act

[MonChoufleur123]

My child has been repeatedly attacked and harassed by another child in their class who has SEN.
Since year one (now year 4) there have been incidents of violence including punching my child in the face, scratching them down the side of the face drawing blood, pushing them over, pulling hair. They regularly harass them in the playground saying hurtful things.
My understanding is this child is generally disruptive in class and has also been violent/ aggressive to other children but seems to particularly target my son.
Yesterday this child pinned my son to a wall, grabbed his hair and twice banged his head into the wall. My son has been anxious about going to school for a long time and mornings are regularly a battle to get them into uniform and out the house. We're at a loss about what to say to him and how to reassure him.
We have been into school multiple times to discuss this and I feel like we have the same conversation every time. They say they can't give details about how the SEN child's behaviour is being managed or what support they have in class due to confidentiality but always say they use a restorative justice approach so yesterday this included my son having to apologise to the child who attacked him. The child's punishment for attacking my son yesterday was staying in at break time to tidy up. This seems unbelievably lenient.
What can we do to get school to take this more seriously? A formal complaint to the governors or local authority? My son is not safe around this child but I feel like the SEN child's welfare is being put before his. Any advice very welcome, thank you.

Definitely escalate to the governors.

You can’t. Your only options are to ask for a change to another class (for them or more realistically, your child), change school or home school.
Unfair, but realistically the only thing that’s going to happen.

You can try keeping a paper trail and escalating to the governors, but at the end of the day that sen child needs to be educated too. Their hands are really quite tied.

There should be a policy on the school’s website about how to make a formal complaint. I’d follow that. You have strong grounds IMHO.

Complain every time

but honestly it’s really hard to resolve this.

consider moving school

They can't tell you about the other other child, but you can expect them to tell you what the safeguarding plan is for your child. They have a duty to keep your child safe.

Move class or move school.

“I’m not asking for confidential details about the other child. I am asking what you are doing to keep my child safe.”

But I agree with PPs, escalate to governors.

“My son has been anxious about going to school for a long time and mornings are regularly a battle to get them into uniform and out the house. We're at a loss about what to say to him and how to reassure him.”

Your child’s needs are not being met by the school, they are causing your child anxiety and social and emotional issues by failing to safeguard your child. Document every incident and email and write to the head and governors every single time. Your first email can be a summary of all the incidences over the years which has led to this point causing your child social and emotional school based anxiety.

Yes. This. And this is what you push.

Go to governors and keep paper trail. Confirm what's been said to you by email every time.

I find this attitude the whole problem quite frankly. When did the needs of the one replace the needs of the many?!

Yes the SEN child is entitled to education, but not at the expense of the safety and learning of all the other children in the class who are also entitled to an education.

OP - stop asking about the measures in place for managing the other child and start asking about the measures in place to safeguard your child, they can't withhold that information from you. Complain, escalate to the governors and the council, the dioceses (if it's a CofE school) and generally make a nuisance. Ultimately the school is failing both children here.

This is not ok OP and I say that as a parent whose child had SEN and would be physical with other children. I would be absolutely mortified if my child had done all this to yours.

It sounds like the school can’t meet your child’s needs or the other child’s needs either. I don’t have any solutions but I wanted to reassure you that this is not ok and not something you or your child should have to put up with.

In the end, I removed my child from school and sent her to a specialist school where she no longer behaved like that towards other children as the staff understood her needs.

Have you spoken to the child's parents? I'd certainly be having more than a few words.

“this included my son having to apologise to the child who attacked him”

Apologise for what, exactly? Being in the playground? For having hair that could be grabbed? I would be fuming, OP. The school has a duty of care towards your son, and a statutory responsibility to keep your son safe. I’d ask how they propose to do this in the future, taking into account the number of attacks your son has suffered, and I’d definitely take it to the governors. However you look at it, they are not protecting your child from maltreatment. Don’t concern yourself with what is happening to this other kid, concentrate on what measures they are putting in place to keep your DC safe.

Thank you everyone for so many replies. I feel like the school are repeatedly minimising the issue when we speak to them so it's good to have some reassurance that my reaction is not unreasonable. I have just emailed and asked to speak to the headteacher again as soon as possible. I will draft an email to governors.

OP, don’t do this.

What is a “sen child”? Sounds like your son also has SEND needs if he has school based anxiety.

Does anything trigger the attacks? Time of day? Situation? Social interactions? Jealousy? What does your done think the reason is for the attacks? What has his response been so far? What has school acts done to ensure his safety?

My child was in a similar situation, so these questions are not to put blame on your son in any way but more to understand what is happening.

Definitely contact the head and the governors. This is not ok, the school have a duty to keep your DS safe and he has a right to safe education. SEN or no SEN, there’s no excuse for harming others and it shouldn’t be allowed to happen repeatedly in a school setting. If nothing changes and there is another incident, I’d escalate it further and tell them you’re reporting it to the police.

Sounds like OP’s child has school based anxiety because he is regularly being hurt by another child. There is absolutely nothing to suggest SEND on his part.

It’s not normal or acceptable to be attacked and hurt in school, no matter how many posters seem to think it’s just how it is to ensure all kids get an education.

don’t speak to the parents - the other child is not being adequately supervised at school, that child’s parents have no magical solution. They can’t just sit him down and say now don’t do that and voila, solved.

kick off to whoever will listen, it’s so difficult. In practical terms i would look at all options to move your son as it’s the most likely solution to work.

I had this with my son. He was very calm and patient so for over three years was often placed next to a child with complex medical and emotional needs. He would come home covered in bruises. He actually didn't complain much at all as the child's different needs were very clear so it didn't feel 'nasty'. However I then found out he was also partnered with him during After School Club and as the children grew the physicality got worse. In the end I wrote to the headteacher saying that really it was time someone else in the class sat next to the child. I also asked for them to be separated at ASC. I did document the bruises and scratches so that helped my case.

You can complain politely and escalate to the governors.

Is it an option to not send him to school until they can ensure his safety? They could send work home from school until they sort it out.

You need to ask, politely but insistently, how they are meeting the requirement to safeguard your child. If they say they cannot tell you how the other child’s needs are being managed, make it clear that’s not what you are looking for - you want to
know how your child is being kept safe. After the meeting, send a follow-up e-mail documenting what was agreed.

After every incident, however minor, be insistent again: ‘This incident shows that the arrangements you have in place to safeguard my child are not sufficient. Can you explain how you intend to change and improve them?’

If the Head fobs you off, then raise it with the Governors. Make it very clear that you are raising a safeguarding issue - and if you end up following a formal complaint route, make sure it is flagged as a safeguarding complaint as that is an area of interest to Ofsted.

It is very likely that the school is equally frustrated by the situation - the child may be waiting endlessly for a referral to an Ed Psych; be stuck in the waiting list for an EHCP; be in need of specialist schooling but there may be no capacity; need a 1:1 support for which there is no funding; need specialist therapy that disappeared during Covid and never came back. Schools are cash strapped, time poor and having to do
more than ever before.

However, evidence in a quiet but formal way that the child’s needs are not being met and this is creating an ongoing safeguarding issue can be helpful
in schools pushing for additional support.

Refuse to send him until they have set out i writing how they will safeguard your child. You have to force it into a safeguarding issue that they cannot ignore.

But if they are useless - you're better off moving schools to a competent one.