Is it normal for a 14-year-old to sit in the park for hours?

[James76]

Hello,

I'm actually a dad, hope that's OK.

My daughter, almost 14, is finishing school and then going and sitting in the park when her friend for hours upon hours. Well, until it gets dark.

I know she is vaping which annoys me but I'm more bothered about her safety.

Is it normal to just sit on a swing for 4+ hours per day.

I can see her on the tracker, and it's a very very tiny open park. Little more than a swing in the middle of some houses.

But... Still, it feels odd and I don't know if I should be stopping her.
I don't know the other kids parents either (although I know she is living in a children's home).

We've had a ton of issues with her over the past few years and she has a horrible attitude problem and so I'll have the battle if I have to but in theory there's nothing wrong with sitting in a park - except that it doesn't feel right.

Thanks in advance

I used to do the same with my mates. Sometimes there is very little on offer for youths so sitting in a park it is.

Course it’s normal. Teens can chat for hours about absolutely nothing lol.

Is she welcome to bring her friends home? Although hanging around on parks seems quite normal for teenagers with no where else to go.

Yes.

Yes?

I was a very uncool teenager and even I used to do this at times.

I guess if the friend lives in a children's home she may be keeping them company? Maybe the friend would rather be there then at the home?

The main thing is that your daughter is home at whatever the agreed time to be home is.

I would give her some money if possible and tell her to treat herself and her friend to something to eat after school in the park. She might like that.

Yeah what else can they do? If her mate lives in a care home then the other kids might be annoying or staff are strict so they'd rather sit in the park. Presumably you're not keen on the friend coming to your house?

But when I was a teen sitting around in parks was perfectly normal. You've no money. Can't go to bars, can't drive. Probably might feel stifled at home if you've got siblings or usual teen angst. So it's their way of having freedom but in a fairly safe way.

Is it everyday after school? I’d be ok with it a couple of times a week I suppose, but otherwise she should be at home doing her homework.

At 14 mine were doing Guides or volunteer Brownie leadership, three music/dance classes a week after school. Came with me to help grandparents out plus their home work. Friends would come or they would go out at weekends and hang out chatting, cooking listening to music or whatever. One had a Saturday job at 14 4-8pm.
Your daughter is doing what you permit - simply because she has nothing else to do. Respectfully if you are not happy with the hanging about in the park, and vaping should not be on the menu whatever, provide her with alternative opportunities and some structure to help her gain skills and experience.

I spent many hrs sitting in my local park as a teen with a school friend.
She had a great mum.but 5 of them in a small 2 bed house meant she had very little space to just chill .
She came to my house occasionally but in the lighter evenings like we are just starting to have we'd be out for hours.
Your daughter is been there for her friend and giving her space to talk and gossip .
She is a good friend.

Absolutely normal, I'd be giving her a lot of shit about the vaping (although I smoked at that age so somewhat hypocritical) , but the hanging round the park for hours with her mates is standard 14 yo behaviour.

Completely normal behaviour. A lot of 14yo girls aren't interested in Guides or other organised activities. Socialising with friends is what is important. I'd be lenient about the vaping too.

It’s normal for kids whose parents let them get away with it, yes. Hanging out with friends is fine.

Absolutely no way mine would be going anywhere after school unsupervised to vape for 4 hours though. Where is she getting the vapes from? Some adult is buying them for her.

You wouldn't let a 14 year old out unsupervised?

Agree that sitting in the park for 4 hours with a friend is normal but I would be educating her on the effects of vaping on teens: https://www.nhs.uk/better-health/quit-smoking/help-others-quit/young-people-and-vaping/

Yes

she’s hanging out with her friends.

Most teenagers wouldn't be seen dead attending Guides/brownies at that age. I don't think that's a realistic piece of advice.

what did you do at 14 ? @James76

what some parents do is make a space for their 14 year olds to bring friends to, at home, in a shed or something converted for their use

Yes it's normal. Are they free to hang out in her bedroom, the living room? I used to encourage mine to bring back friends and vaguely stay out of their way.

She’s probably staying out for so long because home is place of battles and being told she has a horrible attitude. It feels odd because you’re embarrassed that you’re not getting along with your daughter and her staying out is broadcasting that. You need to make home a place she wants to be if you want her to stop.

Park -yes.

Vaping -over my dead body.

Normal

Agree with fashionqueen above. I would do whatever it took to stop the vaping.

The park thing is normal but I would probably walk past randomly to check (they would hate it but I'm here to protect my kids, not be their best mate every moment)

Teens love to stay out with their friends, it doesn't necessarily mean there are issues at home. I did it and so did my son's.