This is probably a stupid question but...

[P0ttytr1aning]

Please can someone walk me through how they taught their child how to clean up after a poo independently?

Ds is 3, just turned 3 at Christmas but has been potty trained solidly since 2.5. He's really consistent with it all during the day but still wet at night and I still need to clean his bum for him after a poo.

I've tried to teach him how to do it himself but he's really struggling to reach round far enough while staying on the toilet and not falling off. And I'm thinking I'm just not doing this right.

His nursery refuse to check him after he does a poo and even though I did ask and said to them that we're working on it at home but he still needs help and his bum checked (was told this would be no problem), he's coming home plastered in poo all over his pants (to the point a while back we had to start using sudocreme again because he'd obviously spent a few days in dirty pants all day) and telling me that he asked but was told he had to do it himself. I can literally smell him when I pick him up at the end of the day and it's dried solid in his pants.

Even though he's only turned 3 he's big for his age so i don't know if they're expecting more of him because size wise he looks older than he is. But either way, I really want to help him crack this so if anyone has any advice or tips or such please send them this way! Ideally I'd really like him to be able to do this confidently before hopefully starting pre-school in Sept. He's really independent and capable in other ways I just can't seem to get this to connect for him.

I can't actually remember the details but just the bit about him falling off toilet... Can't he just stand up & reach round? Remove the added complication of balancing if that's part of the problem?

Is that not going to cause a smear on the toilet seat as he gets off?

I presume they have child sized toilets so should be able to just stand up but sorry can't be much help, mine are all adults now and was cleaning them for years, I defo remember still doing the last one at 7😳
Sorry pressed send accidentally, I was going to suggest the wet toilet training wipes might be easier for him, I do think it's ridiculous that they don't get helped more but one of my sons worked in a nursery for 6 mth placement before nurse training and I remember him saying that they weren't allowed in the toilets to help🤦

He needs a proper step so he can stand up not slide off the seat. Nursery need to supervise and they neglecting him if he’s coming home soiled. Complain.
Keep practicing, and instil really rigorous hand washing.

No? But if it did, I'd rather teach him to wipe the seat than have him being smelly or sore at school. Or falling off 🤷🏼

He gets off the toilet and wipes his bum. Keep going with additional wads of paper until there are no more smears of poo. Wipe up any small bits of mess on the seat. Flush. Wash hands. Big praise from parents.

Rinse and repeat.

We don't currently have a stool as he's tall enough to get on and off easily enough but I can totally see how it would help with the balance issue so I'll get one!

I don't know why I assumed he had to be sat on the toilet to do it! It seems like such a no brainer now to get him to just stand up! We will give that a go and see what happens! At the very least it will make it much easier to see what he's actually doing.

@Ohthatsabitshit I was also surprised they don't help and to me it felt neglectful. There's others in his room still in nappies or figuring out toilet training and he does say that other children get their bums cleaned. They obviously think it's been long enough since he potty trained that he should be able to do it himself by now. They just still seem very little to be doing it alone. Plus the hand hygiene of it all 🤢

WTF that's just pure neglect on part of the nursery. Ours very much help with wiping. I wouldn't expect them to do it well and consistently until 5 or 6. A quick search says the Internet agrees with that.

That’s awful!! Are you sending him in with baby wipes? Might help a little bit but I don’t see why they can’t supervise or quickly wipe after?

It's common for placement/work experience students to be banned from helping with toileting/nappy changes for safeguarding reasons. I'd be very surprised if actual staff couldn't/didn't help, though.

I just had to wait until they were big enough. It wasn’t seated/standing issue, my DC are just small and even though that means their bodies are smaller too, they just did not have long enough arms to reach behind and wipe effectively. We practiced the movement a bit while not needing to wipe eg pretending to wipe with their clothes on. But I could see they literally could not reach.

He needs a stool to stand up.

At nursery they really should be helping him and I would complain that they’re not. At only just 3 some of his peers will likely still be in nappies so it’s just bizarre that they’re not. I’d only expect the push to be totally independent in the preschool room. Also maybe ask if you can send wipes to make it easier for him?

DS was potty trained at 2.5 but we (and nursery) wiped his bum until he was 4, and taught him then. They’re still so young at that age with such short arms!

Is your nursery refusing to wipe at all, or just check it’s been wiped properly?

Use the toilet training wipes at home and pack some for nursery and ask them to keep them in the loos
We did the mantra "wipe wipe and drop" to teach how many wipes to do etc
At 3 I would expect the staff to maybe not physically do it every time, but definitely to visually check and encourage to keep wiping if still messy - this is what they did at the preschool my dc went to.

They don't go into the bathroom with him, he goes in alone and they stand at the door with their back to him while he goes. He's in a little cubicle with no door and a child sized toilet. When he tries at home it really is like his little arms are too short to quite reach so he's wiping his cheek but not where he actually needs to be wiping and that seems like quite a stretch for him as it is. I can try with the wipes I just wouldn't want him trying to flush them.

They just work it out themselves, but 3 is definitely too little still. I’d expect it to be something they pick up somewhere between 5-7. I definitely wouldn’t be happy with nursery just leaving him to it, though I accept sometimes they may go and not tell anyone. But nursery really should be supporting him, just like they would a 3 year old who isn’t yet toilet trained.

I'm guessing though they need to know how to do it before going to pre-school or primary school because surely teachers in those settings won't be accompanying them to the bathroom anyway will they?

So for the not flushable wipe situation I actually used this stuff
You can get the small travel size one too. You do one pump onto the loo roll and it makes it way easier to clean.

I never took it into pre school or nursery though but just used at home or on the go
But you could see if it's something that works and they could have in nursery? I've also seen a spray version from a different brand that just moistens the toilet paper.

I suppose if his arms are too short the only way is stood or maybe squatting down he might be able to reach? It's weird they won't go into the loos though as they did at my sons preschool and nurseries. At the nursery attached to local primary they just stood nearby and encouraged, but sometimes he came back saying miss xyz had helped him.
What if you packed lots of pairs of pants and told the staff if they aren't going to supervise him you want him encouraged to change his pants after a poo? Seems backwards when they're still changing nappies ?!
Perhaps have a chat with the manager as he shouldnt be getting skin rashes.. it's poor hygiene and not fair on him bless.

why is he having to wipe his bum whilst sitting on the toilet? 🤔. Don’t people stand up to wipe their bums?

But either way 3 is young to be expected to wipe your own bum. I don’t think my kids managed this until 5 or 6, and even then they’d miss a bit.

Um... do other people stand up to wipe their bums? I do it sitting and always have.

Now I'm rethinking everything I've ever known...

You definitely need bent knees to be able to wipe your bum properly! For most people this is easiest to do while still sitting on the toilet.

It’s lunacy to expect a 3yo to be able to do this without help, OP - my 5yo is only now getting the hang of it (having been out of nappies for years), and still needs help at times. If this is truly their policy it’s not a realistic or reasonable one.

What do all the other children do? They can’t be all wiping their bums properly either, or washing their hands adequately. Do the staff just tolerate the smell of pooey bums all day? By the time they start school, Iwould expect it not to be a problem, but surely in nursery school it’s part of the staff’s job to ensure that they are helped with toileting at that age? Apart from anything else the child’s skin is going to be sore and underwear ruined.

Yeah I don't feel like 3 year olds have long enough arms yet! Our 6 year old he has a go and then I have another go but he is competent now.
Our 3 year old has no chance.
I think they are supposed to be able to do it by reception in order to be school ready, but that is when they are at least 4, maybe even nearly 5 years old.
I think just keep mentioning to nursery and if you're not getting anywhere maybe look at alternatives. I never thought to ask things like that with ours! But luckily they are good.

I'm really glad you asked this OP as my 3yo is 'strongly encouraged' to wipe herself - and she can't reach! We'll keep practising but I'm concerned she'll get no help at school if she's still struggling!

Huh?!

Stand up?!

How on earth do you get… sufficient access?!

Anyway, back to OP. DS started school at 4.5, we taught him when he turned 4. Nursery did it until then. Does your nursery really expect him to wipe his own bum as a young 3 year old or is that what you expect?