Unsecure pool and 5yo

[Whosright123]

Namechanged to keep this separate from my norml account.

Would you go to a vacation home with an unsecured pool and a non swimming 5 year old? The mere thought gives me anxiety but someone also said that I shouldn’t be difficult and we can just watch the kid.

soooo…. Am I helicopter mom or right if I stay home?

thanks in advance for your answers

I’m thinking back to being a kid and going on villa holidays and secured pools were not a thing. We just didn’t go in the pool unless an adult was there.

I would do it with my 4 year old, but that's a risk assessment based on knowing what he is like. I think OP you shouldn't go because you are the one who knows your child, and you are worried about it.

I feel like almost all our holidays when the kids were little was in holiday villas with a pool or at my parents lake house. Neither had fencing around the water and both kids survived. I don't think it ever even crossed my mind to worry about them drowning.

That'd be a nope from me. Too stressful for you!

We used to holiday in France mostly when our DD was that age and all the pools were securely fenced (in gites, Eurocamp etc) and in UK holiday parks they're in a separate building/area and usually lifeguarded too.

My DC's a strong swimmer but was an absolute lunatic at 5!

No. I wouldn’t.

My friends very compliant child drowned on the first day as they ran down to the pool and jumped in. It was excitement on his part and mum mad dad were busy unpacking

Tell you what, depending on money, stay in a Premier Inn nearby for a couple of nights and enjoy their pool and company during the day?

I’ve stayed in a villa with an unsecured pool but there were 4 slightly older children and 6 adults. The children were compliant in that knew and accepted they were only allowed outside with an adult, and the adults made sure there was always one of us outside with them, if you were the last adult outside you waited for someone else to tag you out or took the children back in with you. The only exit from the villa to the pool was lockable with a key that could be removed and hidden overnight.

Nope

No. I would get no peace of mind. There are no safeguards you can make that don't have risk of failure with someone else in the group forgetting/just being a minute/thinking it's all a fuss over nothing.

All the villas I've been to with a pool had fences and locked gates. The ones in France also had alarms.

Emily Kiser wasn't at home and left her useless husband to take of both kids. He was watching basketball or placing bets on his phone and didn't even notice his son was gone long after it happened.

I don't think that's comparable to a holiday villa with a pool that someone will only be staying in for a week at most. I think there's virtually no danger if one or both parents always have an eye on the child while in the pool area. The in-laws have a pool cover but they often have big BBQs/gatherings where the water is obviously unsecured because adults want to swim. There are also often younger grandchildren running around. The most obvious solution is to have every child wear a swimming vest that cannot be taken off (not inflatables). Sit somewhere so you always have an eye on the kids and ensure there are always adults in and around the pool. For a couple of days it's really not a huge deal.

It's only a risk if you don't actually trust yourself to be able to watch your child at all times. Or if you have other children and know you will be distracted and unable to keep an eye on the 5 year old.

I would actually prefer to have a non swimming child than a swimming one in those circumstances. That means nobody might be tempted to leave them alone in/near the water “just for a minute”.

I have a sensible 5, nearly 6 year old. She can't really swim as she refuses lessons but has been in swimming pools regularly so understands what happens if you can't swim and find yourself in water. She can just about doggy paddle 2 or 3 meters, can pull herself out and is quite tall. I would trust her not to go in the pool on purpose and I am confident enough she would understand and follow that instruction that I would be happy with her being around an unfenced pool. I would want to know if there were other kids, who might be boisterous and could possibly push her into a pool, or be running around and trip over something. I would also want to know how deep the pool is, is it near the house/where we might sit etc. And then can the doors of the house be locked when we might be doing stuff inside. If it's a pool a way from the house, big, deep, lots of boisterous kids, people opening and closing doors all the time etc then I would feel different to a pool right by the house, no other kids, or sensible kids and a door locked to go outside.

As someone has put above, there are risks with everything in life and I wouldn't necessarily lose the benefits of a good holiday to avoid the risk of a pool if the pool risk can be minimised.

@Whosright123 we have an alarm on our pool but no fence.
There are simple but effective ways to keep dc safe near a pool.

The most important is that one person is nominated and knows they are watching the dc. That is their main job and if they want to do something else they ask one other person to watch dc and that person accepts and understands this. Your dc if old enough is told which adult to stay with when around the pool.
When dc drown the adults have often assumed someone else is watching dc.

Most pool accidents happen on the day you arrive or the day you leave.
You’re busy, you’ve just arrived and are checking out the accommodation or you’re leaving and are packing, cleaning or loading boot.
Dc slip off unnoticed.
One couple propped open the gate to load the car and the dc went down to the pool unnoticed.

Vigilance and implementing the buddy system are the key to keeping dc safe.

EXACTLY!!!!!

I never used armbands, floaties, rubber rings etc with my boys. They lull the parents into a false sense of security and the child is overconfident because they don't have a true sense of the water. Far better to let them know how vulnerable they actually are in a pool and supervise to reflect that.

I do notice that English parents tend to have a very optimistic view of their offspring's abilities.

Lots of survivor bias on this thread, much like everyone who grew up not using a car seat and were fine. Know better, do better.

i jumped in to a pool when i was 5 when my parents back was turned for a moment putting arm bands on the younger siblings. For some reason I thought it was the shallow end but it wasn’t. I distinctly remember the terror as I went under, trying to call for help but my mouth filling with water. Luckily my mum literally turned round and I was fished out promptly, no harm done. But I was a compliant 5 year old who just got excited for a moment and made a mistake. If my parents hadn’t been right there things might have turned out differently.

Not for me, I like to be able to relax and switch off, I’d feel like I was constantly on the lookout.

Why can’t the 5 year old swim?

No. I wouldn't. And having stayed in a place with a pool alarm, they go off all night whenever there is a slight bit of breeze.

No I wouldn't and I'm quite a relaxed parent. I'm also from NZ where kids learn to swim at an early age but pools still have to have fences to prevent drownings.

No i wouldnt go, my almost 5 year old can swim reasonably well (in a warm, indoor pool) but i know I wouldnt relax. Id be more inclined if it was just me taking the kids, but whenever there is more than one adult people tend to get complacent and assume someone else is watching them.

🙄 it’s very normal for 5 year olds not to be able to swim.

My daughter had lessons weekly from 6 weeks til she was nearly 6 (except a few months during Covid when she was a baby/toddler) and she couldn’t really swim at 5.

Because she simply isn’t learning during the lessons. Even private lessons don’t help and they don’t want to teach her anymore at the local pool. We have an appointment with an instructor next month who is specialised in giving lessons to children with autism, adhd or mental disabilities. Maybe she can help.

No I wouldn't go, it just wouldn't be relaxing for me.

On holiday I want to read a book, have a few glasses of wine. I don't want to be on high alert, never letting the kids out of my sight for a second.

I'm of the helicopter mum opinion, sorry.

My parents have a pool, they live in Spain. We are just sensible when there.