Does anyone else feel judged no matter what they do?

[Neurodiversemom]

Whether it’s screen time, bedtimes, food, or routines...it feels like you can’t win. How do you stop it from getting under your skin?

I think the monetisation of parenting is a huge factor in this. The majority of the ‘experts’ out there crank up the judgement factor as they know it makes parents anxious and they will pay more for products:advice.

I just tell myself that I know what is best for my child and move on. As long as you aren’t at the extremes eg 8 hours of screen time per day or something, then good enough parenting generally works.

No, I don’t. In fact I have never felt judged. By whom? Anyone who is in my life and close enough to know how I parent is a loving and supportive friend or family - so would never judge me.

Who are these people judging you?

No I don’t feel like that. What’s going on?

Honestly OP, just do your best and try not to worry about what anyone else says. None of us are perfect.

Yes I realised early on that people will have opinions no matter what you do and you can't please everyone, so you have to be confident in the choices you make and stand by your decisions. That's all there is to it.

Not really, but I guess I don’t talk to other people about how I parent. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Who would even know how much screen time my kids have or what their routines are?

No, never. I make my own parenting decisions carefully, based on what I think is good, and what works for DS. That other people choose differently is completely irrelevant to me.

This
and the only people who would know would be very close family and friends - and they sure as hell don’t judge me.
Your thread should be about the people in your life @Neurodiversemom that are making you feel like shit.

I don’t feel judged but I do feel guilty whatever I do that i’m not doing enough or the right thing. It’s shit.

Yes, there is an element of it and I stress over whether my children do too much / little, am I doing everything to support their learning, potty training (a biggie at the moment and I am quite close to complaining to My Carry Potty because of their relentless criticism of children late to potty train on social media) but ultimately no one else really cares all that much.

We don’t need others; we’re capable of judging ourselves, and making ourselves feel shit

Would you ever consider therapy? Because this is no way to live and in fact parent.

It was a general response to be honest. Someone claiming ‘oh, you need to start a thread about these awful people’ kind of misses the point we can give ourselves a hard time - others don’t need to say anything.

But no, I wouldn’t consider therapy as like most people with small children I have limited time and money!

But this OP doesn’t say she’s judging herself, very much the impression given is she feels judged by others. Hence my suggestion she start a thread about other around her making her feel like this.

Whereas in your case…. No one around you is making you feel judged, but you are judging yourself - which is something I imagine would genuinely benefit from therapy if the opportunity ever arises

Well, she says ‘it’ rather than ‘who’. But it doesn’t matter. It was more a general point that we can give ourselves a hard time about things.

I don’t think I’m massively unique in feeling bad if my children watch too much TV or I don’t do enough of this or that, or whatever

No. Who do you think is judging you? This makes a difference. Your partner, parents, friends, doctors? Random people in the street? Random people on the internet? Do you think “they” are right or wrong?

Absolutely we can.
But OP doesn’t give that impression hence my suggestion

OK, so shall we move on, as it’s not really beneficial to anybody to keep this exchange up?

OP has asked if anyone else feels judged - answer yes, even if it’s only me doing so!

No I don't feel judged about anything

Right, but is anything actually coming from this or are we just going to keep repeating ourselves 😂

I actually think that if you can accept you’ll be judged no matter what you do, it’s easier to just let if all go straight over your head and not bother you.

I breastfed both my babies, I’ve had judgey comments about that. I have friends who formula fed their babies, they’ve had judgey comments about that.

I spent a lot of time out & about with my kids, whatever the weather really we get wrapped up dressed appropriately and get out for some fresh air or lots of shops/soft play/play groups, I get judgey comments about that “can you not just stay in for a day”. I have friends who prefer to spend time in the house with their kids and they get judgey comments about not getting out enough.

As long as you’re not doing anything harmful/dangerous, if you are confident and happy with your own choices that is literally all that matters.

I avoid worrying by doing my research on all of those important issues/hot topics/new findings and being intentional in what I do.

I look at parenting from a very scientific angle so I trust myself because I can back up my decisions with studies and evidence. If I was relying on my own childhood experiences or instincts I would constantly question myself, since I didn’t have the sort of childhood I want for my LO.

This is also a valid point. Mums get judged for doing too much, not doing enough and doing anything different from the norm of any given place.

Best not to dwell on it too much.