Which type of mum are you?

[Ncncnca]

Lighthearted chat! There’s no right or wrong here!

I’m the let them make a mess as long as I get 5mins of peace mum. I have accepted that DD’s room is covered in stickers (bedframe, doors on the inside) as long as it doesn’t spew on to the family areas. There are pen marks on everything, the walls have seen better days (fingerprints all sorts). I made my peace with stalling the decorating of our newbuild until they’re older and wiser. Baby led weaning when they were smaller - egg falls off the spoon? You wanna smear it in to the highchair? You do you. Let me drink my coffee while it’s still warm.

A friend of mine is very much no pens in the house, no play doh, stickers are banned, nothing that can make a mess. She will take her DC to playgroups and activities where they do get to do this but in a different environment. The hoover is always on, little spill the Vax carpet cleaner comes out immediately, she sits by the kids at mealtimes and wipes the moment there’s a bit of food on the table.

I think we fall in to the whole ‘type A, type B mum’ narrative. Which one are you?

First child I was mum B, second child meh, crack on.

I have a relative who was mum B, her kids are anxiety ridden OCD tortured adults now. Recently at her house where someone spilled some crisps accidentally, the room went silent and all eyes went immediately to her in anticipation of her reaction… was tense and very uncomfortable.

What a shitty way to live and force upon those around you.

I have always been A. I am still A even though my children are practically adults now!

Type C. I don't think we all fall into those camps.

I was like you just went with the flow I had 4. Toys kept downstairs. Not stressing about mess. Lots of play dough, glitter and paint. Sometimes painting themselves. It must be awful for children to grow up in a sterile house and not being able to do anything.

Oh completely type A play doh, glitter, pillow fort in the living room, painting on the patio, chalk on the pavement type A.

always encouraged messy play and dogs on the furniture!

I was a c mum. A mix of the both. Living room could get trashed but it was all picked up by bedtime. Little messes were cleaned straight away but daily hoovering happened at a night when tidy up time had occurred.

No we absolutely don’t. Both types would have me on edge all the time. I don’t understand why you think there can’t be a happy medium where you don’t ban any kind of play, nor live in a shit tip covered in stickers. I couldn’t relax like that. I’d rather teach my kids to respect theirs and our belongings and our home.

Somewhere in the middle. I didn’t tolerate stickers or pen on walls. They were taught to use those on paper. But I didn’t stress if those papers were scattered on the floor of the playroom for a while.

I taught them how to tidy, and declutter and I provide help and support when they want it, but let them make their own decisions in their bedrooms.

The stickers thing is in DCs room only. Beds they grow out of, renovations will come once they’re older. I couldn’t have my whole house like that but when your kid is beaming because they spent so long doing something and it brought them joy, it’s hard to then say ok mate, that’s shit let’s not do that.

I never let them draw on the walls though. That’s a tough no. Pen marks are on the carpet though

Yeah as in cleaning up definitely happens in my home, but it’s not a ‘I’m on edge don’t ever touch a felt tip in this house’ kind of vibe. I just accepted that there are things you just can’t mitigate when they’re toddlers.

Somewhere in the middle? It costs money to decorate and it takes time to clear up so I wouldn’t tolerate pens leaving the table to be dropped on the carpet or stickers stuck on the walls. But play doh and drawing are nice creative activities for DC, not to mention really good for developing fine motor skills, so it would be a shame not to allow it at all. In our house both are allowed at the table then we tidy together afterwards.

Definitely more A than B. I don’t care about stickers on their own walls or furniture, as long as it doesn’t spill over into rest of house. DD1’s room is absolutely festooned in posters, stickers, all sorts, she’s very proud of her room decor! Both kids do a lot of play doh, air clay, painting, arts and crafts at the kitchen table. I don’t allow littlest to have pens unsupervised though!

Honestly I don’t know anyone who is just one or the other. Most people fit comfortably in the middle. We play, get messy, have fun (and yes their little faces beam with joy too), but they know how to look after their things and are respectful. Personally I don’t like to deface furniture that could be passed on to someone who needs it. They’ve got loads of other places to put stickers (unless they’re the peel off ones, but if they were removable it wouldn’t be worth mentioning).

I agree. I’m a relaxed mum too.

This reminds me of my own childhood, I had stickers from Top of the Pops and Smash Hits magazines all over my headboard! Boy bands mainly!

In the middle. They have loads of play dough, paint, thousands of pens and crayons, I got them cooking and baking as soon as they could stand and don’t care if they spill stuff or get flour in their hair. I’ve taught them to clean up after themselves so if they tip a glass over they clean it up, if they tread mud in the house they sweep it up. I’m relaxed but not a skivvy. We definitely don’t have pen on the walls, I work hard to keep the place looking decent and don’t spend hours painting for it to get trashed. If they want nice things they need to help look after them. It’s not hard to find balance.

I'm very relaxed, chuck toys all over every square inch of the living room if you fancy, we'll tidy up at lunch/tea/bed time . Stickers and pen marks all over the house? My husband was an uptight arse when they were wee so would want the toys put away ASAP. We have a carpet cleaner, I can always get it out if they chuck spaghetti on the floor. My brother visited with his baby, "oh no, I'll feed him in the kitchen", will ya fuck, just feed him there on the carpet and I'll sort it.

That's a no from me. Btw buy a microfiber window cleaner, it's fucking amazing to quickly wash down walls from grotty hands.

My youngest two are now 11 and often just dump their sofa blankets on the floor, now THAT is annoying as fuck!

I think everything peels off - there’s sticky stuff remover you can get for a fiver on Amazon, nothings indestructible (unless they take an axe to it but no doubt I’d not let that one slide)

I painted our bathroom once and was so proud of it. DC somehow managed to spill soap down the side of the wall and it won’t come off - there are streak marks down the side. It’s just one of those things though - I just can’t let myself obsess over it

Mum A with 2 caveats, tidy up after and don’t (actually) trash stuff on purpose. She’s 14 now and there’s one little (extremely stubborn) sticker still in the corner of the balcony door . It makes me smile.

teaching children to be respectful of their surroundings and belongings and picking up/tidying up after themselves is important - i can certainly tell the kids (and now adults) who were not raised that way. I have 3 kids I don’t mind mess but it has to be tidied away after. Play dough is banned in the house though hate the stuff as it ends up in the carpets and cats claws and no I don’t let them stick stickers on furniture walls or toys. Pen marks all over walls and toys makes me cringe (and judgy)

Like others, in the middle. Never made beds every day, we've had toys scattered all over. Lots of play doh, lego and colouring but those things were in the kids playrooms and bedrooms. I like a tidy house, my kids have never drawn on walls or put stickers anywhere other than a sticker book.

I have to admit I’m inherently the neat freak mum, and mess makes my brain itch. My own mum is the same. I am REALLY conscious of it and trying to be more relaxed for the sake of my children.

Beds have to be made and there are definitely no pens, paints or food outside the (wipe clean floor) kitchen. But they can make a huge mess with their toys during the day and there’s currently an enormous fort made of cushions and boxes in the middle of my living room and I’m just going to live my life around it for a few days.

Is there a C type? I’m pretty relaxed and tend to take things as they come.
When DS was younger, I played with him a lot and took him out, rain or shine. I try not to judge and encourage kindness and helpfulness. The downside is that I can be a bit of a pushover.

Since turning 40, I find I’m less interested in socialising in larger groups. I have two siblings I’m close to and we often meet up with kids, partners and in-laws. My DS has a close relationship with his cousins and it’s lovely to see them all get along but I have to admit I sometimes feel a bit drained at the thought of the big gatherings. I work part time and am really a home body. I do wish I was more A type sometimes.

Of course not, I’d never obsess over anything like that and don’t really know anyone who would. I don’t think of the peelable stickers as a thing worth mentioning though, they just come off so would never be an issue (like a temporary tattoo). I thought you meant the proper stickers that don’t come (I’ve seen loads of people getting rid of furniture and they’ve noted there’s sticker damage that won’t come off).

Maybe it’s just me and my friends, but most let their kids play, teach them how to clear up after and to respect their things. It’s not really that much of a scale as you’ve put in your post. My parents were very tidy, but we had so much messy play and fun. I think it’s a fine line to be playful, but also teach that you need to look after things so you can reuse them and not just chuck it away when it’s been broken, or that other people’s possessions can be disrespected (I’m not saying that’s either of the two options you’ve described, but I have seen it in public a few times where the kids are causing mayhem and the parents say ‘oh they’re just having fun’).

There’s always a happy medium. One of the funnest houses I went to as a child was where the parents were both ex-army. They were meticulously neat and tidy. We ate properly at a table, no mess. Had so much fun getting muddy outside and both parents encouraged us to make dens, have elaborate treasure hunts, it was brilliant! All the toys were put away straight after, it felt like Mary Poppins. We all loved going there.

I'm an A for sure.. the house does get cleaned though, it's not a permanent shit tip 🤣 then I'll give DS a couple of quid if I want his room tidied up