Please don’t judge / need help for my son DENTIST

[DestituteDesperate]

Hi All

my son has 2 cavities - combination of non fluoride teeth, allowing grandparents to give chocolate and juice 2/3 times a week as they did childcare for me to minimise child care costs.

I had my own serious health issues which rendered me on sick leave for months waiting for the NHs to operate on me and in that period, I was surviving on £700 a month from universal credit and with a mortgage at over 2K a month as a single mother, I was running up debts surviving on credit to feed my soon.

I returned back to work recently earlier than my 12 week sick note after operation despite still having pain, still unable to fully hold my bowel and bladder and still needing a second surgery.

I say all this to say, yes, I’ve been off the ball with some things, not setting boundaries with GP in terms of sugar, half feeling I couldn’t say no because I was borrowing off said GM to survive.

Should have build up a serious nest egg but never imagined my partner would walk out on me for his mistress when pregnant and never imagined the health issues to hand.

my son won’t cooperate to do any extraction so needs gas and air sedation but chance even that won’t work.

he has had antibiotics 6 times in less than 3 months. NHS dentist referred to a community dentist but I was told on Monday when I chased its minimum 6 months waiting list in my area.

I went to see a private dentist and was charge £149 for the pleasure of them saying they can do the work but it’s going to cost upwards of 3K. Said they did interest free credit and I failed the check. I can not use anymore credit as I’ve exhausted all credit limits and borrowing a £50 here or there is different asking my mother for 3K and she herself doesn’t have that to give even though I know if she had it she would give it.

dentist once again prescribed antibiotics due to an active infection (only finished his last course of antibiotics on 4th Jan) and it looks like he gets an infection every week or 10 days after he finishes antibiotics.

long term this isn’t good because of antibiotic resistance, he is on max 24 hour dosage of calpol and nurofen in tandem with 2 hours break almost every week.

his behaviour has deteriorated- tantrums, doesn’t listen, crying about pain, wind and rain hurts this teeth and he collapses in a flood of tears. Wakes up 3 times a night due to said pain, never eats now.

is there any resource I can turn to, to speed up 6 month wait list because he is losing weight, behaviour is erratic, overly emotional, angry, in pain etc. Even licking things and developing a twitch on days his teeth are particularly troublesome.

can’t eat on one side because the teeth in question are molars on each side.

im completely desperate watching my son in pain, im not sleeping or eating and stressed out to the max myself which isn’t helping my recovery and i know its effecting my work and i seriously can’t afford to lose my job as it feeds my son and i and keeps a roof over our heads and trying to stay afloat with my credit card repayments etc.

I can’t do another six months of 3 months of hell and what’s worse is, dentist made a referral but apparently the form something was incorrect so wasn’t processed so only in December, days before Xmas the correct referral was accepted.

short of me robbing a bank or winning the lottery, I don’t know what to do, my poor son.

Ps: my ex partner / can’t/ won’t contribute and currently OOC

How old is your son? Also this is not the GP fault... this is all on the non fluoride toothpaste 🤦 if you can avoid needing him knocked out you should be able to get this done much faster through an emergency NHS dentist, why won't he agree?

That's awful.. I could only guess being a complete nuisance and calling them regularly might find you a cancelled slot.

He is 4.5

dentist has tried numerous times

I did not blame the GP

readily admitted it was lack of fluoride

nHS referral as urgent due to wait list is 6 months

i tried to go private due to the pain he was in, failed their credit application.

What a nightmare. I think all you can do in that sense is keep calling for cancellations and try and get the urgency escalated. But it might not work 😢

An emergency dentist can only prescribe antibiotics because every time he is there it’s infected so no dentist can perform anything.

also, he needs sedation, confirmed by normal nhs dentist and emergency which they don’t do.

emergency will only do extraction if suspected sepsis and he goes straight into dental hospital for that.

Oh no OP that sounds horrible for you both. I can't help on speeding up the process but when i had my wisdom teeth out they said I had to rinse my mouth out for a few minutes morning and night (minimum) or after every time I ate with warm salt water to prevent infection - might that help prevent him keep getting infected and needing antibiotics?

How does it come to £3k for 2 fillings?

Are any of his grandparents in a position to help out? Even if it's getting interest free credit in their name that you then pay back?

Also shop around with other private dentists. £3k sounds very expensive for a couple of fillings/extractions (just my instinct, I have no idea what the going rate is for that sort of work). I know a lower price doesn't get rid of the problem, but it lessens the impact.

Take your son to gp . You need someone on your side to help you thru system.
Gp might be able to push things given your son is so young and clearly his general health is suffering now.

What does school say? Do they have family support worker?

Two cavities is not massive.
Priority is getting your child health sorted.

And then speak to Citizens advice About your debts

Sedation charged on each appointment because they won’t extract both on same day - the really bad cavities need extraction.

spacing required oh and a crown work thing as there’s a potential filling needed but crown is recommended for children his age.
they literally charge for bleaching of the tooth and crown so when they costed it up for me with all the add ons etc - apparently crowns go in under sedation too.

he won’t sit still long enough and due to a medical condition he is not able to have extractions and/or crown work done without a form of sedation.

My son is 5 and just had an extraction and 2 fillings. 2 separate appointments first was the extraction then went back a few weeks later for fillings.
Before this he was getting infections like your son.
Dentist advised cooled boiled water with salt and rinse after every meal. He's at school so would take a flask to rinse and spit for after lunch. This made massive difference while he waited for appointment.
Extraction was done just with numbing injection. Big fan of pokemon so we talked about pokemon and got a new pokemon toy as a treat after.
Same with fillings. I put pokemon on my phone and held his hand and with other hand held the phone up for him to watch to help distract him. He was adamant he wasn't having it done before we went but i explained it had to be done because otherwise he was going to end up poorly.
My advise is salt water and try get him to go get it done without being put to sleep.
Hope you get sorted it's awful.

My hospital has a dental department, have you phoned 111?

Sorry just seen you've added about medical condition meaning he can't sit still.

Thank you - don’t think about asking my mother to try get some interest free credit and I can repay over whatever interest free period.

yes, I think I should look at other dentists, the £149 standard fee alone should have been fair warning it would be high, tbf that area is extremely affluent for London standards.

weirdly that was the specialise sedation dental service the NHS dentist recommended because they do awake sedation on really young children and she knows one of the dentists.

it’s not even local to me so I traipsed on public transport for the pleasure of the bill.

Is he under paediatricisn for his condition?
Make a call.
Community dentist can make space if urgent but it might need someone pushing for you.
You dont have 3k so go to gp and see if they can support you /refer you

Wow so glad your son was brave enough to do the extractions with pokemon and understanding the need for it to be done.

dentist tried with his favourite programme on the iPad and he just wouldn’t do it so sedation under GA or awake sedation, latter being less risky.

thank you for the helpful advice, and other posters too, salt water gargle and I’ll also visit my doctor to see if they can advocate for me too.

Thank you so much - will speak to my doctor on Monday.

And community specialist dentist can do sedation .

Dd had a failed extraction at the NHS dentist. Once they started to try pull it out they realised they couldn't partly to do with her adhd and also position of the root.
We was sent to the hospital dentist that day because her tooth had been part pulled out.
Originally I had asked to be reffered to the hopsital but was told wait list 1 months crazy how wait list was 6 months but we was able to be seen same day

The nhs should not have sent you to their friend in private dental place they should have made the necessary calls to push referral to dental hospital/specialist paediatric community dentist (Maybe thought you were well off??)
Anyway try your gp

Does your work offer any kind of dental plan as part of their benefits package or would they give you a loan/salary advance that could be paid back over time through monthly deductions from your pay packet?

My husband neglected his dental health as a child and a chunk of his adulthood until he met me in his late 20s. His teeth were in a bad state and as a result, he was petrified of dentists. In fact, I’ve had to accompany him into the treatment room to make sure he had the necessary work done, including sorting out an abscess.

So the only advice I would give is please try your best to ensure that as time goes on and they get the treatment they need, your child doesn’t develop a fear/phobia of the dentist. With the poor start they’ve had with their dental health, regular check ups and ongoing oversight will be essential for the future.

Wish you the best of luck getting him sorted.

Dont know where you are but there are specialist services london eg Source: Barts Health NHS Trust https://share.google/zaWMeXH3d1pRqyUCk

Source: Central London Community Healthcare NHS Trust https://share.google/40AN1T3XuUq7g2OqP

This is a really long shot but try contacting local private dentists and ask if they can help with reduced costs or free treatment. I was offered free sedation by a private dentist. I couldn't afford to pay but was too anxious to have an extraction with just a local anaesthetic.

Are you near a university with a dental school? They might offer reduced cost treatment.

A final (and a bit crazy idea) would be to go abroad. Dental treatment in Europe is a lot more affordable. Dental tourism is a thing. They know the UK is a rip off for treatment and are increasingly marketing towards this.

I feel these days, we have t think outside the box when it comes to dentists.

Please dont spend money dragging a 4.5 year old abroad.
He is entitled to nhs treatment
Op says he has medical condition
Get gp social worker or health visitor to advocate

Sorry to hear about your sons pain. Maybe have a little look at dentaid. They are a dental charity who have fully equipped mobile dentist vans that are in certain areas staffed with dentists who complete dental work with a number of different social groups, including families with financial difficulties. Vans are set up to do extractions and can see children from aged 3 i think. Best of luck.