2 children in one bedroom.. boy/girl. Help!

[Robinoaks]

Hi all. I am a solo parent.
I currently live in a private rented house with my 3 kids aged 13 (boy) 11(boy) and 8yr old daughter. We have a 4 bed, it's lovely but it's costing me a fortune at £1625pm.
My eldest who is 19 recently headed off to Uni in September and I've been offered a very sweet little 3 bed cottage.
The location is much better for my neurodiverse 13yr old, he's been struggling to attend school and we are quite a distance away from his school at present.
The 3 bed is a living room, medium size kitchen and a downstairs bathroom then 3 double bedroom upstairs.
My plan would be to put my eldest in the smallest room, he has autism and him sharing a room is not safe for anyone!. Me in the middle room and then my 11 and 8 year olds in the biggest room together, maybe in bunk beds or cabin beds with some sort of room divider? Is this a bad idea?
I could put a sofabed in the living room but I really don't like the idea of not having a proper bedroom for my own privacy. The other option is for me and my 8 year old daughter to share. I'm a single parent with no man and no plans for one so it's an option.

The new house (if I get it) is much cheaper rent and all in all just a better option I'm just struggling to work out how best to arrange everyone.
Suggestions welcome!

Can you not put two DS together with a divider or Kallax shelves to divide rather than boy girl in together.

They get older pretty quickly and it doesn’t really make sense to make to them share unless desperate?

what do you mean not safe?

How did the sharing work when your 19 yo lived there too? Who shared with who? Will he expect a room or will he be happy to sleep on the sofa in the new house? That aside, I wouldn’t want the 8yo and 11yo of different sexes share. At a push, you could share with your daughter but I wouldn’t think it’s fair once she goes to high school. It’s difficult but the two boys sharing would in theory be the most obvious solution.

how will the move affect your other dc?
will you now be a distance from their school so they’ll have to travel, or are you moving them from their school and friends?
and then making them share a room? Where will the 19 year sleep? Where do they sleep now?

Hard to see what’s best here.

Will your eldest come back at holiday times? If so, that’s a fair chunk of time. Where will they go?

8 and 11 is probably right on the precipice of unsuitable for sharing. At most, you’d maybe get to age 9 and 12. At that point, surely it can’t go on much longer.

Not sure if moving to the smaller place would be a wise move, you’d perhaps just be kicking the can down the road a bit.

None of you can share. 13YO needs his own room due to autism. It’s completely inappropriate for a pre-teen/teen boy to share with a younger sister and your DD needs her own space too not to share with her mum. Would you consider sleeping on a sofa bed downstairs perhaps with your clothes stored in DD’s room? If not then I think a 4 bed is non negotiable for you.

I think 8 and 11 are too old really for mixed sex to share. Could you divide one of the rooms?

I think I would have the 8 year old in with you x

You have too many children for a 3 bed, surely that’s obvious. Having 4 kids was always going to mean expensive housing.
Students are home more than they are away, so you need a room for him too.

You need a cheaper 4 bed not a 3 bed, you can’t just squeeze everyone to save money. They aren’t going to stay young! You can save money on housing when they’ve all moved out.

You cannot put the boy and girl in the same bedroom.

You could have the girl in with you and let the two boys have their own rooms with occasional 'bunking up' if the older son comes to stay.

Actually. I’d say the 8/11 would be fine for now and then next year or when DS is 12.5 or so you could use the kallax divider idea well or move dd in with you.
My kids have always had their own rooms but dd1 and ds1 chose to share until they were 9/12 ish on and off over the years. Nothing inappropriate about it and boys tend to mature less quickly than girls so a 12 year old boy is not the same as a 12 year old girl.
The cottage sounds lovely @Robinoaks so go for it and a divider can be sorted out longer term.

Put your daughter in with you.

I have my 8 year old in with me.
She was in with her 11 year old brother & she prefers this by miles (so does he)

They shared again (with her mattress on the floor in his room) on Christmas eve & NY eve, their choice.

Although I do wonder if it might be wiser to stay in a 4 bed, for you/try (try!) to find a cheaper 4 bed.

I think you're being selfish. With four children you can't just decide on moving to a 3-bed and then insist on having one of the rooms to yourself.

Where will the 19 year old stay? Going to uni is not kea ing home. You meet to work out if you can carve out 5 bedrooms using dividers, the ages and sex’s mean sharing isn’t going to work.

To add I have 3 children aged home, my 19 year told will be home in the summer for a few weeks but then moving to a shared house amd won't be home much. I'm not saying I must have my own room I'm asking for advice about how to arrange everyone including myself! The high rent is pushing me into debt along with the petrol costs of getting my son to school. The new house would be closer

No we actually moved to our current property due to fleeing domestic abuse. I had to move a certain distance from the kids schools etc so we were safe. A considerable amount of yime has passed, my ex is long gone from the area so we can move back, back to be local to the schools they go to and to their friends so actually it's a positive thing for them and less petrol costs for me.

Can the biggest room be split at least with a curtain or some kind of temporary partition? Maybe a big Kallax unit to split it? Then the boy & girl can share and still have some privacy.

As DD gets older I’d give her the option of sharing with you if she prefers.

I'd have a decent comfortable sofa bed in the lounge (I've done this in a very small 3 bed so my three kids could have a room each, I'm saying kids but actually they were all late teenage/adults and needed their own space). Which ever sex the one at uni is give the biggest bedroom to the boy or girl at home so that they can share with them in the holidays. I kept my every day clothes on the landing in a shelving unit outside the bathroom. Location and finances would definitely be more important to me than having my own bedroom.💐

I'm leaning towards me having the living room, there happens to be a large walk in area opposite the stairs and next to the living room that isn't big enough to be a room but isn't small either. I was going to use for coats and shoes and stuff but it could work as a clothes/dressing area for my stuff then all I'd need in the living room is a sofa bed.

If you’re going to have the living room
then I would recommend looking into a wall bed (like this https://www.wallbedking.co.uk) rather than a sofabed. Much comfier and easier to put away in the day. You might need LL permission though as they need a couple of bolts into either floor or wall.

The sofa bed I ended up with (after having a rather uncomfortable cheap one from ikea) I'm still sat on now 10 years later in a different house😂 its worth paying a bit more if you can afford it, this was from DFS and the bed pulls out from inside with a proper sprung mattress on. You can't really tell that it's a sofa bed and you can leave the fitted sheet on it, then you just need a large storage footstool to hide your duvet & pillow. Still gets used occasionally when eldest comes back for xmas.

It depends a bit on the biggest room. Is there any way of dividing it so they both have natural light and privacy to get changed etc? E.g. if it had two windows and you could create a physical and visual barrier between the two halves, then I think that is very different.

If not, I think I'd put the girl in the largest room, keep most of your stuff in there but sleep downstairs. Then when you eldest is home you then share with the girl so the eldest can have the lounge.

I think PP are getting a bit idealistic. Yes, it would be great if you could have a four bedroom. But you can't afford it, so you need an alternative solution that avoids further debt. The kids will be moving closer to friends and school and you'll be better off. Sounds sensible to me.

I would go in the living room. Not suitable for boy and girl that age to share as he is getting into puberty. And surely your sleep pattern will be very different to 8 year old so that sounds difficult to manage. She needs her own space really, especially in the coming years, and so do you for your own wellbeing. Child at uni can share with sibling of the same sex when home, or you could temporarily bunk with the girl and eldest sleep in living room.

My dd's best friend shared a room with bunk beds with her older brother untill he went to university. Council flat, no choice. Lots of people are in the same position. It isn't great but for that family there was no affordable alternative and they just had to get on with it.

Your boy girl can’t share. Only option is you on the sofa bed

I would agree that it’s not appropriate for your girl and boy to share at this age.

I would also not have your daughter in with you tbh, especially if you plan to stay in the new hours for a long time.

I would agree you need to take the living room.