Ex cannot stop with Dummy/Safety concerns

[leeds5]

Back story: Ex moved away up north from London due to DV from the father of her older kids(3 - oldest is 16) I "took the blow" and accepted this because three children with him versus our one DD(2) was no brainer. DV is before and after our own relationship fyi.

I see our DD monthly by driving there, and my long-term plan is to relocate once my flat sells. However, we have very different parenting styles and have argued frequently over several concerns since she was born. I don’t wish to involve social services, but I’m lost on what to do so many you can suggest,

Specifically:

1. The Dummy: I have been very anti pacifier usage since she was a baby due to what I have seen in some cases, but she uses it 24/7 even when DD is not crying or being fussy. Our DD now has a very visible open bite (an adult finger can fit through when her teeth are fully closed). It feels like mind games are being played, as she specifically sends me photos of our daughter with the dummy in - I have resorted to just asking her to not send me pictures anymore.
2. Choking Hazards: She video-called me when our daughter was only one, and she was being given a bowl of popcorn which I could see in the background. She thought this was cute for their movie night.
3. Around Christmas, she sent a video of our daughter playing with an open beer bottle, pretending to drink from it. Again, "haha she is cute "
4. Inappropriate Sleeping Arrangements: her 15-year-old daughter sleeps with her boyfriend(same age) in her house almost all the time(not my business), and sometimes our two-year-old sleeps in the same bed as them throughout the night. She has sent photos suggesting this is "cute." and finds it special how our daughter is obsessed with this boy

Now, ex has a child who has extra needs and I always walk on egg shells as I know she has that stress to deal with and I always avoid the idea of taking this legally(social services etc) but I have had it now the more I see out daughter and how this will just carry on to a point of life long issues.

What would you suggest I do? I have exhausted talking to her to a point that I do not accept pictures or video calls anymore.

"you aren't willing to even more inconvenienced by trying to create a genuinely safe home for them"

I am selling my flat and getting one up there(which is a big compromise and I have all my life in London)

I am willing

Why were you phoning to speak to your child at night when she would have been asleep?

I was not calling to speak to the child - these are times I would call the mum to speak about other things i.e. arranging a visit etc. we are actually longtime friends I should add so we do have that outside of just being parents.

But you said you had photos in your OP.

Mate, you need to get your story straight. Full of holes, suppositions, likely exaggerations at the moment. Almost as if you’re making stuff up…..

And LOL at you regarding popcorn and a dummy as the biggest issues in parenting a toddler till you were put right here.

I wouldn’t move up there, I’d go for custody and bring her back to you, where you have a stable life established and support network.

There is no way my 2yr would be sleeping in the bed as a teenage boy - let alone if they were having sex
wtf

go and get/protect your daughter She’s 2 !

"exaggerations at the moment".

Maybe some here have no lives outside of the internet but I am not one of those.

Maybe I made an error or lacked to clarify, I have pictures of the my daughter but since i told her I do not wish to retain memories of my daughter looking like this or being fed pop corn and holding alcohol , she still does send but mostly on "view once" which is an option on whatsapp so I do not actually have this to prove if someone was to ask for evidence.

She has admitted it to her sister when i slipped up once and this is the only person who can back me up as I am also friends with the sister and that's how i met her(the sister used to be my lodger)