First-time mum here! What are the absolute essentials I’m missing?

[Rena001]

Aside from the usual nappies and sleepsuits, what are the 'must-haves' that saved your sanity in the first few weeks? Also, what should I be reading up on now? I’ve heard about The Lullaby Trust for safe sleep, but is there anything else I should swat up on before the sleep deprivation hits?

‘What mothers do-especially when it looks like nothing’ saved my sanity. A massive refillable water bottle. Giant muslins.

Plenty of people apparently. The previous poster said they did it in shifts.

I was just lucky to have a pretty content newborn, who was fine being put down. Maybe the next one will be different.

I was wondering the same thing !

My newborns both slept like logs in their moses baskets for the first few weeks. It was after that the trouble started!

Lanolin is great providong the mother isn't allergic to lanolin.

I second having all equipment put together and practiced before the birth.

Appreciate the baby will not, in the early days, go with your schedule, you need to go with theors.

Controversial nowadays but you are important too. It will not hurt your baby to cry in the moses basket while you quickly shower and get dressed. It will make you feel so much better.

Stacks of sarnies with simple fillings in the freezer, for you.

I secind the comment that bf is best but only if it's working for the mother. There is no shame to switch to formula.

Be aware that most things you are told by your midwives/hv/GP about baby care will be contradictory so take it with a pinch of salt and decide who you can trust best.

Baby first aid course!

I did one when DD8 was a newborn and I needed it last week when she choked. It was still really scary but I remembered what to do. One hard blow to the back later and a peppermint flew out.

Can I just say re the lanolin nipple cream, try it out on your upper inside arm for a few days, some people are allergic to lanolin and if so this will be a nightmare (ask me how I know lol)

Lanolin nipple cream

If you do buy this, be sure to learn how to use it.
I didnt and regretted it. 😅
You want to have completely removed it before feeding the baby otherwise thry just slip off the nipple and its very sore.

Babies are different i have a million Muslims for my.oldest and was like wtf are these for. Ditto bibs we were done with them very quickly. Then we had no 2 and I had to buy more bibs and muslins as he wa super reflux

I wore my maternity clothes until I gradually started fitting into normal clothes. Got back into leggings and joggers reasonably quickly.

Giant water bottle with a handle and a long straw. Especially if you have a C section.

If you're breastfeeding, have contact details for a couple of lactation consultants to hand in case needed. Breastfeeding is a skill you have to learn and can need a lot of support. Also get snacks you can eat with one hand.

My babies were both happy to be put down from day one, they didn't need to be held all the time but some babies are more clingy.

I co slept with DC 3 and 4 for first 3 ish months as I was so sleep deprived with DC 1 and 2.
Worked out well for me as i breast fed so more sleep all round,was just survival.

Get lots of maternity pads or old fashioned sanitary pads like kotex.
Lots of disposable knickers.
Breast pads , good quality supportive nursing bras ,again will need several. The relief i felt when i upgraded to a quality supportive feeding bra was immense! You deserve the best!
Comfortable loose clothing.
Lavendar oil for the bath (for you) a few drops in the bath is really soothing.
Investigate white noise to help settle baby.
Baby sleeping bags (not when co sleeping)
Sudocrem
Practice putting car seat in and out of car .
If you can freeze nutriiys meals then do .
Avoid quick meals like beans on toast and egg on toast as could end up with a colicky windy baby...

Good suggestions about thermos flasks, water bottles and having meals in the freezer.

I would add that ideally get all your life admin jobs done. DC1 was born in the summer and I had to submit my tax return by the end January the following year but I did it about a month before they were born. Stuff like that is very challenging with a baby.

Also, especially if you want to breastfeed, you will very likely need some support because it is a learnt skill and both you and the baby need to learn: I would contact the NCT and ask about support in your area. You can even phone them up and talk to them while you are still pregnant. It'll be easier if you have got all the details in advance.

www.nct.org.uk/local-activities-meet-ups/feeding-support

Babies aren’t ‘made’ clingy; they are born wanting close contact, we are carry mammals.

You say that babies might want support to go to sleep like it’s a bad or abnormal thing. It isn’t. It’s entirely natural and normal.

Pop a few meals in the freezer so you don't have to cook if you don't want to. I underestimated how many maternity pads I needed so have lots. Muslin cloths are also a good idea.
Good luck 🤞

Some muslins and waterproof sheets for the crib would be my recommendation. I had a pukey baby! I'd also recommend you learn a little about baby care, I used to be a nursery nurse but was still clueless when my son was born and they're your responsibility from the second they arrive! Learn about breastfeeding, nappies, dressing them, settling etc. I also enjoyed reading the positive birth book, it's worth knowing what to expect and having a rough birth plan so it's less of a shock.

Assume you have a place for baby to sleep, nappies, and clothing. A mat to change the baby on. Newborn pushchair and car seat if required.

I’d add muslins, a baby bath, cotton wool, towel just for baby, a couple blankets, a playmat for the floor. A bouncy chair (one where baby is almost horizontal but you can bounce it a bit) saved me when I had my fussy second child.
Baby carrier (sling if small, otherwise something like a Baby Bjorn).
Bottles etc if formula feeding. Pump if you’re going that way (I don’t know anyone who used one).
For you: more maternity pads than you think necessary- I used half of mine after my waters broke as I didn’t go into active labour for hours. Nipple shields and cream. A loose top you can comfortably stick your baby’s head under to feed - not saying you have to hide breastfeeding but if you are having lots of visitors it may make you feel more comfortable when uncle Al is staring at you.
Anything else you can get as needed.

I would say don't buy a huge amount of anything just yet. When I was expecting DC1 everyone told me to stock up on muslins/burp cloths, because apparently I'd be going through them at an extraordinary rate. I think I ended up with 28! And DC1 was never, ever sicky so I didn't use any. Had DCs 2&3 and they also weren't sicky or burpy babies, so the whole lot went to the charity shop. These days you can get pretty much anything almost instantly, so no need to have piles of things around the house that you might not even use.

My DSis gave me a travel sterilizer to use in the microwave. Both of us EBF until our DC were 22 months so didn’t need full sized steriliser but needed something to do the odd bottle and dummies. It easily fitted in a small microwave and was useful for storing stuff when travelling. I did end up buying a full sized steriliser later on when, I’m a bit anal about food hygiene as a result of my profession but used the travel one for bits and pieces.
Once they are over 12 months dummies can go in the dishwasher. On that note make sure you have a pack of dummies they can be a godsend if you are bf and need to buy yourself a few minutes to find somewhere comfortable to feed. Also if they start thumb sucking you can avoid longterm orthodontic problems by introducing a dummy. It’s far easier to take a dummy away than stop them thumb sucking in the future.

I think it’s more likely that a clingy baby can’t be put down. My children were like that, now they’re older and one has been diagnosed with ASD and the other we have concerns about I understand their behaviour as babies was probably a result of their ND.

Meals in the freezer to last a few weeks - batch cook if you can rather than rely on ready meals (better nutrition when you are recovering etc) - soups/quiches (cut into portions before freezing), meals that you like and can just add a few vege/salad too, healthy-ish muffins (freeze), fridge with yoghurts/cheese etc. Basically anything that makes life easier for at least the first few weeks, but if you can avoid eating loads of crap ready meals.

If you can afford it some people like meals from COOK, Gousto, etc too.

I was glad I'd bought a (cheapo) thermometer for the bedroom because it got freezing in there. This prompted us to keep the heating on all night when we had a newborn, the only time I've ever done that.

Prep meals in your freezer. Cheeky Wipes reusable wipes are amazing, weve always used them and rarely get any nappy rash; they’re fat better than disposable wipes. Headphones so you can watch something whilst baby naps on you. Warm, long waterproof coat with a good hood for buggy walks as you can’t use an umbrella. A good sling (see if you have a sling library locally.). Sleeping bags for baby! Many snacks. And talk to your partner about plans for managing disturbed sleep, much easier to discuss before baby come, for example doing shifts. Plan how you could cosleep if you want or need to (I found it much easier to share a double bed just me and baby). Have very low expectations about what you will do in the first few months - especially if you have a tougher physical recovery. Plan to sit down at home a lot!

I have learnt that a lot of it is down to the baby. First baby couldn't be put down so the moses basket, crib, bouncy chair and play mat may as well have stayed in the shop. She loved her swinging baby seat - that gave me 10 minutes without her on me and she lived being in a stretchy-wrap or sling. Second baby was a brilliant sleeper and loved her moses basket, play mat and bouncy seat but hated the swinging seat and sling. It might be good to try some of these things out at baby groups or sling libraries before purchase.

For both I found a feeding pillow, cloth breast pads and good thick muslins useful. I got a very good breast pump but couldn't pump much (despite having an oversupply with the first) my first would not take a bottle or cup at all.

My top tip would be to put the car seat and base if it has one into the car now and practice getting it in and out of the car. Assemble any baby swings/ next to me/ cots etc and practice getting the sling on and off on your own now. Me and DH were like zombies in the first few months and struggled with this kind of thing

Pretty much none of the above. You NEED somewhere for the baby to sleep and keep warm. This doesn't require twenty million blankets or baby grows.

You need maternity pads for the bed and food that is easy to eat / cook.

It's easy to get carried away spending a fortune on things beforehand. If anything this is a security blanket to deal with your anxieties rather than anything particularly useful or necessary.

I would have emergency formula in and that's about it on top of that.

For everything else there's ultimately Amazon Prime if you are desperate. You just need to get through that night. For everything else you can get it within 24 hrs.

I think the newborn phase generally is about getting through one night at a time and then dealing with each day as it comes. The hours of darkness are the hardest. Then it's daylight and it feels easier. Then there's about 6pm - 8pm when you've had enough for the day and you just feel like need to dump the baby onto someone else for a little while rather than make dinner.

Honestly you don't really know what you need until the baby is here and each of them have their own habits and difficulties which are unique. Work it out as you go rather than spending a fortune. You'll quickly identify a problem and solve it. Don't create a solution to a problem you don't have and spend a fortune trying to fix something that was never an issue in the first place.