Pulling pants down on sibling advice please

[LoftyDenimDeer]

Hey 👋 I wondered if anyone could offer advice or if they’ve experienced behaviour like this please?

My 6 year old (Year 1) is awaiting ADHD assessment. I also have a 2 year old and 11 year old.

A few times in the recent past my 6 year old has pulled down and removed my 2 years olds joggers/leggings (doesn’t remove nappy) when i’ve not been in the room. Then comes and tells me. I’ve told him that it’s not acceptable behaviour and he’s not to remove his brothers clothes. But he’s done it a couple more times this week and lied that it wasn’t him but after much pressing he admits it was him and he either says he doesn’t know why he did it or says something like “it’s because baby brother threw XYZ at me”.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve told him very sternly about boundaries. I didn’t know if this may be an ADHD thing? But my mind is also going to the worst outcome too. My mind is spiralling very quickly. I just don’t tbh j this is normal behaviour?

Any advice welcome.

Thanks x

For his sake, I would be very cross with him as he will probably do it to others at school and then be in big trouble. It is much better for him to have a one off angry mummy to deal with rather than all the palaver and embarrassment at school. I wouldn't be worried about anything dodgy at his age unless you are concerned in other ways. It is fairly typical ADHD silly behaviour but he needs a very clear conversation about consent and be told it must never happen again.

That's the kind of thing a 6 year old would find funny. It's not a sexualised behaviour as some are suggesting, it's silly 6 year old kid behaviour.
id tell him off but not make a huge deal, because making a huge deal will mean he knows he will get a reaction, and with adhd an easy big reaction from mum is very temping (even without adhd at that age it is temping for them tbh!)

Put your 2 year old in clothes that are hard to pull down for a bit to break the cycle. I agree I doubt it's sexual, he probably grabbed him if they were playing on the floor ,trousers came down and it meant his brother couldn't move plus now he has your attention because you're making a huge deal out of it.

I totally agree. The closer in age siblings are, the more they are physical with each other. My grandchildren are forever wrestling together, quite often whilst in the bath at the same time!

To be clear i agree with others the absolute most likely just thinks its funny but i'd consider it just because I think you cant be too careful

Your DH is right - you are massively overreacting. Some of the advice in here is bonkers! Your 6 year old boy is behaving as most 6 year old boys do! I am a primary school teacher, am from a big family of siblings, have 10 nephews and 5 nieces plus grandchildren. Stop panicking- your DS isn’t a sex offender!

I agree but from the stance that he’s been told not to do something but is still doing it. So the consequence should be linked to him not doing as he’s told.
“Mummy has told you not to do XYZ but you have continued to do so. You’re not going to be allowed on your PlayStation for a week until you realise that when mummy says something, you have to listen”

how do you deal with other naughty behaviours? naughty step or what? i appreciate with the six year old being adhd your discipline regime may not be the same for him as your older child.

it’s not his pants he’s pulling down it’s his trousers. so im thinking it’s not sexualised behaviour. it’s just naughty and needs dealt with in your usual way, instantly.

if a good behaviour stars chat would work i’d suggest that but it depends on how the adhd affects him whether or not it would work. and obviously it would reflect the whole days behaviour.

cancelling day trips in the future due to bad behaviour today isn’t instant and isn’t appropriate.

My eldest and his cousin went through a phase of suddenly, unexpectedly, yanking down each other's joggers when they were about 4 & 5 years old. It was not sexual, they just thought it was very, very funny. I told them firmly but undramatically that it was stupid and annoying, and that if they did it at nursery /school they would be in a lot of trouble. After a few more days of me repeating that every time they did it, they stopped (and moved onto something else equally irritating).

I really don't think it's anything sinister - children sometimes do this sort of silly thing. I remember when my son was about 6 he shut himself in a cupboard with his friend and they took all their clothes off because they thought it was funny. You just need to have a consequence for it because he's been asked to stop and he hasn't listened, just like anything else.

You are obviously jumping straight to the conclusion that someone has done this to him and he has been abused.

I think that sounds unlikely and an overreaction. Small boys think everything around bottoms, pants etc are extremely funny. And it doesn't stop at small boys either. Teens 'debagging' other teens is apparantly hysterical, although rarer now as schools (rightly) have put a clear stop to it.
Small kids are also body curious, and this is prime age to want to see what is under the pants.
But small kids stripping off and running round naked is a huge joke when you are 5/6.

This sounds to me well within the range of normal 'silly' behaviour. Obviously it is behaviour that you want to stop.

I would be emnphasising - brother doesn't like it, we don't do things to other people that they don't like.
and - I told you not to do it, and you need to listen to mummy when mummy says No.

With ADHD the response has to be immediate and connected to the activity, so remove from what he is playing with, and from his brother etc

Yeah exactly this.

I keep it mega short
Mummy has told you not to do XYZ, your consequence is AB or C. XYZ isnt allowed"

This is what I do with my oldest. She's already clued in to the fact "mummy means business"

this.
At 6 this is not sexually motivated. Children are silly, obsessed with bums and nudity is a source of hilarity. Yes it needs nipping in the bud but being in floods of tears and falling apart is not going to solve anything.

Does he know about pantasaurus?

I'd be doing lots of work on body boundaries. I got my girls 5 and 7 some really good and age appropriate books on Amazon.

This!

There is nothing for you to cry about fgs. You need to show your disapproval/ disappointment in his behaviour.

Just tell the older one that this is unacceptable behaviour because it is unkind towards his brother and if he continues make a point of taking him with you every time you leave the room.
Tell him why he must go with you, ADHD or not he will soon get fed up of that and turn his attention elsewhere.

I am also a KS1 teacher, and I agree that this is pretty standard silly behaviour for small boys. You need to be firm with him and make it clear that it’s unacceptable, but I don’t think you need to panic or assume anything sinister. Children aren’t born understanding social boundaries; they have to learn them.

When my autistic son was about 6, we were called into school and told there was a “serious safeguarding concern”, which turned out to be DS1 pulling his own trousers down in the communal sink area of the boys’ toilets and running around laughing. His teacher and TA had worked each other up into a nice lather about possible sexual abuse, DS posing a threat to the other children etc. It took me 3 minutes of talking to him to establish that he’d read about Horrid Henry doing it, and being autistic he’d assumed that if it was funny in a book, it would be funny in real life. We did some social stories and discussed personal privacy and boundaries, and he never did it again.

I really really appreciate these replies. I will read again this evening and reply to each one . Thank you xx

@LoftyDenimDeer thinking about you loads xxx it will be okay. I'm so pleased you're getting so many helpful responses on here

MY daughter is 7 she is ASD ADHD and used to do this cos she found it funny.
We just kept telling her time after time it was rude and she wasn't to do it ,not should she ever let anyone do it to her .
Take no notice of the idiots on this thread trying to suggest a sexual reason .
You know your son and your life and the ppl in your son's life and you will know if that is remotely possible and other disturbing behaviours would more than likely be present .
6 year olds don't understand the reasons this is inappropriate cos they are innocent and bums and toilet humour is funny .

This ☝️.
Kids are inquisitive op .
It's horrible that everyone jumps to the worse conclusions when in reality a very small percentage of incidents like this will have sinister reasons .

Yeah I wouldn't Ieap to thinking it could be sexual. Not sure if you're worried about that but it sounded like it. He's being annoying and getting attention.
You need to not ever have him be alone with YS.
Punish him more severely if he does do it again.

Ex primary teacher and granny. Agree, this is a huge over reaction. He’s not taken his brother’s Nappy off, just done a rather silly thing like small children do. Honestly the jump towards sexualisation these days is awful, yes it happens but very unlikely in this scenario. Try to be calm, tell him off and give consequences and hopefully he’ll get the message. Little boys are very physical and have very silly senses of humour, wait till they get to the poo and wee hysteria stage!

Some of these responses are really OTT. It’s silly behaviour and needs a bit of a telling off and maybe sent to his room for some thinking time, not calling the NSPCC! Although the PANTS video is quite good.

Ive been a nanny for 20 years, I have met many 6 year old children. They do daft shit, a lot, truly, there is something about being 6 which turns them bonkers. Combine that with the beautiful inquisitiveness children have and honestly, aside from being annoying, this is not something to be seriously concerned about and certainly not a concern about anything sexual or untoward.

He's being silly and doing something he's been told not too. He needs telling off for disobeying rules, a talking too about body boundaries and some consequences for not doing as he's told but that's it.

And every child should watch the NSPCC PANTS video, body boundaries are important to everyone.

Please don't make a big drama out of this, 6 year olds just do silly things for no reason! I would just firmly tell him no, the baby will get cold and then make sure they're not left alone for any period of time, even if that means taking the little one with you to another room. No need for shouting, crying or any fuss.