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Original poster

Child making my life miserable.

43 replies

FruitFusion · 26/12/2025 01:43

My autistic child is making my life extremely miserable, would I be wrong to contact her father (who hasn’t seen her in 2 years) to see if he is willing to step up and help with her? As I can’t continue this way anymore.

OP posts:
calminggreen · 26/12/2025 06:29

guess it depends on why he hasn’t been in contact and why you think all of a sudden he is going to want to step up to parent a difficult child? You can’t force someone to parent

Sirzy · 26/12/2025 06:35

I think trying to do that would probably add to your stress as you would be fighting a losing battle with him.

how old is she and what other support do you have?

beasmithwentworth · 26/12/2025 06:38

I really get your sentiment, without knowing the context. I have 2 autistic DCs (they are now teens) and whilst I love them it’s such hard work managing them every day. Their Dad doesn’t really acknowledge their diagnosis/ life etc and has recently moved house away from the area to live by the seaside. How nice for him! I digress. You are not being unreasonable by wanting to get in touch but I think very often it can be met with disappointment. If they are not stepping up naturally then I don’t know if things will change just because you get in touch and say you are struggling. I do really think absent parents prefer to live in denial rather than face what they have left behind.

I don’t see a problem getting in touch but I would have very low expectations.

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Busyasabumblebee · 26/12/2025 06:42

No harm in trying. After that ask for help from social services? I hope you’re ok

ChikinLikin · 26/12/2025 06:42

It's worth a try.

Jellybunny56 · 26/12/2025 07:16

Personally I wouldn’t, no. He hasn’t been a dad for 2 years, it wouldn’t do your child any good to be passed over to a man who is essentially a stranger to them.

INeedNewShoes · 26/12/2025 07:52

You definitely could do with support and with time on your own for a bit of a break but reintroducing your child's absent dad will be very hard for your DD and would most likely have a negative impact on her which would make things even more challenging for you and her.

Radiator981 · 26/12/2025 07:55

Are you able to tell us what’s making life miserable? I know the challenge but I’ve done a lot of research and perhaps I can help?

LostittoBostik · 26/12/2025 07:56

I would focus on where you’re more likely to get active support from. What support do you currently have? What agencies are you involved with? Have you spoken to social care teams about how you feel? A first step would be to speak to the GP. If your child is under 5 see the HV.

HarryVanderspeigle · 26/12/2025 09:16

If he is out of her life because he chose to be, I doubt it would.makr a difference. The last thing you want is him back for longenough to bond and then bugger off again. I would look at what else you can do to make life easier.

Mayflower282 · 26/12/2025 10:10

If he left because he doesn’t want to be involved then I think you are fighting a losing battle. You need to get support elsewhere. Are there any other family members that can help out, or local charities, or specialist school? I would rather pay a nanny than get my ex involved.

EatYourDamnPie · 26/12/2025 10:13

How old is she? You can obviously try, but let’s face it, the odds of him contributing in any meaningful way if he hasn’t seen her in two years, are minimal.

You’d be better off looking for support with social services, respite care , family, support groups etc.

Original poster
FruitFusion · 26/12/2025 11:59

She spent the whole day yesterday screaming the place down, making everyone upset because she had a cold, this was upsetting my other kids as she cried the whole day demanding I bought her some cough medicine. Nowhere was open she can’t understand this, it just makes her more determined. I couldn’t find anywhere. Managed to eventually find a pharmacy that would deliver it for £20 which I didn’t have spare but she was screaming so much I had no choice but to buy it only for them to cancel anyway so that was another ordeal.

she wakes me up at 2/3/4 am crying comes into my room all night crying and demanding things. She no longer wants to leave the house anymore she’s decided she can’t go outside anymore so I am trapped and so are my other children. I planned some Christmas stuff for them in the holidays but can’t do them anymore, I managed to get her out the other day as she seemed fine that day but as soon as we got to the place she was running up and down the streets screaming so we had to go straight home. I can no longer catch up with her or stop her when she is like that. My other kids were upset and crying but she was kicking off so much I was scared the police would be called on me. When she’s like that there is no talking to her at all. I have no family that will help otherwise I would ask them.

OP posts:
Original poster
FruitFusion · 26/12/2025 11:59

She is 14.

OP posts:
EatYourDamnPie · 26/12/2025 12:02

FruitFusion · 26/12/2025 11:59

She spent the whole day yesterday screaming the place down, making everyone upset because she had a cold, this was upsetting my other kids as she cried the whole day demanding I bought her some cough medicine. Nowhere was open she can’t understand this, it just makes her more determined. I couldn’t find anywhere. Managed to eventually find a pharmacy that would deliver it for £20 which I didn’t have spare but she was screaming so much I had no choice but to buy it only for them to cancel anyway so that was another ordeal.

she wakes me up at 2/3/4 am crying comes into my room all night crying and demanding things. She no longer wants to leave the house anymore she’s decided she can’t go outside anymore so I am trapped and so are my other children. I planned some Christmas stuff for them in the holidays but can’t do them anymore, I managed to get her out the other day as she seemed fine that day but as soon as we got to the place she was running up and down the streets screaming so we had to go straight home. I can no longer catch up with her or stop her when she is like that. My other kids were upset and crying but she was kicking off so much I was scared the police would be called on me. When she’s like that there is no talking to her at all. I have no family that will help otherwise I would ask them.

Are you involved with any services? Mental health services, social services, early help , is she under the care of any professionals?

Original poster
FruitFusion · 26/12/2025 12:08

No I am not involving social services had them before and all they were was rude and judgemental. Not again.

OP posts:
zurigo · 26/12/2025 12:08

That sounds awful OP and she's 14? Bloody hell. I thought you were going to say about half that age. TBH, I doubt her disinterested father will help or make things any better for either of you, but can you go and ask the GP/SS for help? A lot of parents need support with DC with autism and other difficult to manage conditions/ND. There is no shame in being honest that you can't cope and need support and help. At 14 she's presumably the size of an adult and therefore not easy to manage. I don't know what support might be available, but it can't hurt to ask. I hope you find some support 💐

Original poster
FruitFusion · 26/12/2025 12:13

I’m not contacting SS they are rude and judgmental. So he is my only option.

OP posts:
EatYourDamnPie · 26/12/2025 12:15

FruitFusion · 26/12/2025 12:08

No I am not involving social services had them before and all they were was rude and judgemental. Not again.

Edited

At least try the GP, and tbh she needs a mental health assessment too. It sounds like she’s suffering from a high degree of anxiety (which often comes hand in hand with autism) , which might need proffered help like therapy or medication.

Clarehandaust · 26/12/2025 12:16

As a complete side issue my kids 15 and I still got Calpol Nurofen cough medicine in the cupboard. You just have to have that sort of thing when you’ve got children.

Original poster
FruitFusion · 26/12/2025 12:16

I had paracetamol she told me it isn’t good enough and she needs cough medicine.

OP posts:
Clarehandaust · 26/12/2025 12:19

FruitFusion · 26/12/2025 12:16

I had paracetamol she told me it isn’t good enough and she needs cough medicine.

Well, if she’s got a cough, she’s not wrong. Is she?
Stock up when the shops reopen you can’t get court Short without this stuff

Tiswa · 26/12/2025 12:19

FruitFusion · 26/12/2025 12:08

No I am not involving social services had them before and all they were was rude and judgemental. Not again.

Edited

But you need support OP and your way isn’t going to work

Original poster
FruitFusion · 26/12/2025 12:22

Clarehandaust · 26/12/2025 12:19

Well, if she’s got a cough, she’s not wrong. Is she?
Stock up when the shops reopen you can’t get court Short without this stuff

Show quote history

She isn’t wrong who said she is? But screaming and crying for hours on end over a cough isn’t normal and let’s not pretend it is. I’ve got other kids and none of them have ever done that. Glad youve never made a mistake.

OP posts:
Original poster
FruitFusion · 26/12/2025 12:23

Tiswa · 26/12/2025 12:19

But you need support OP and your way isn’t going to work

Show quote history

Anyone who thinks social services are there to support parents obviously has never had them involved.

OP posts: