Child making my life miserable.

[FruitFusion]

My autistic child is making my life extremely miserable, would I be wrong to contact her father (who hasn’t seen her in 2 years) to see if he is willing to step up and help with her? As I can’t continue this way anymore.

Op, I’d seriously consider SS again. Simply because trying to involve her dad is a hiding to nothing. A man who isn’t involved with an NT child isn’t likely to want to be involved with a ‘difficult’ one just because her mother can’t cope. Think about it. Speak to your GP, SS, maybe research local charities that support families? If you don’t, you’ll be staying the way you are at present which doesn’t sound fair on anyone.

Her father would probably help, it will just have conditions, he will only help if it’s here at my house, I should have just allowed this as it was better than nothing.

You clearly have no clue about how to parent an autistic child. Autistic people experience pain and discomfort differently from neurotypical people. A common example is with clothing labels: we have to cut them out of the collars of t-shirts and out of the waistbands of trousers because we cannot stand the scratchiness. The pain of a sore throat may genuinely be more than she could bear.

If you talked to SS the way that you have responded to posters here then they will have been impatient with you.

Lastly, what person doesn't check the medicine cabinet in the run up to Christmas to ensure that everything is in stock?

The problem, OP, is you.

Plenty of people cut labels off clothing, this is hardly unique to autistic people.

Wow thanks for the support, won’t be back to this! I will contact her father and beg him to help thanks to that comment! If that’s the support out there then I’d rather not have it! And you know what no I don’t have a clue, I didn’t sign up to this!

It's sufficiently more common for us that I was asked about it during my first diagnostic interview.

@FruitFusion when you say SS are judgemental and unhelpful, what was it specifically that you disagreed with? Could they have some valid points?

I don’t think anyone here can offer any advice because we don’t know the extent of your child’s limitations etc, but it does seem like you need to get extra help on board.

If she can be left home alone unsupervised I’d just go out with the other children.

Do you feel better now you've just said all that?

I didn't check the medicine cabinet so judge away. I also only ever offer paracetamol or sudocrem to cover all ailments.

I hope op is having a better day today and that she finds some support from somewhere.

Terrible, cruel comment, at Christmas as well. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Shitty comment to make. Shame on you.

There is no need for such a horrible comment. Do you feel better after that?!

No one signs up for that it is hard and it is tough but help can be useful and understanding when to push and when not to and the part that you play in it all

because you do play a part, your responses will either calm or escalate and it is recognising which is which. Managing your responses is all you can do but goes a long way in limiting

Can people stop posting on this. I have no intention of reading or responding again so please stop, I have asked for this to be deleted but doubt it will be. I posted yesterday under pure desperation as I was exhausted listening to a child screaming the entire day. I have never met a child like her so no I don’t know what to do, no one does, I take her to drs and they tell me she’s an attention seeker, yes the dr said this! She complains that all sorts of things are wrong with her but no one can find anything, it was a tooth hurting in the summer yet the dentist said they are all fine and no one could find a problem, then she could eat or couldn’t swallow food so would scream and cry for hours, drs won’t look at her because she screams and cries and jumps up and down, told me she’s an attention seeker dentist won’t even entertain her anymore it’s straight to the hospital every time. I have other autistic children my others are autistic and they are not like this, this is beyond autism, she cries and screams at night claiming there are monsters under her bed and demanding to sleep in my bed with me, you have this?! I don’t even get a break in my sleep so sorry for fucking up and forgetting flipping cough medicine! I had paracetamol, calpol, not good enough, I have not read any comments since I last posted and I will not be reading any. I will contact her father and demand he helps with her, he will, he just uses it to control me but better than the control I’m living right now. Now once again I will not be responding or reading anything posted so please don’t waste your time.

This sounds like severe autistic distress and burnout, not behaviour or bad parenting. A 14-year-old autistic child screaming for hours, waking repeatedly overnight, refusing to leave the house and becoming unsafe in public is a sign her nervous system is completely overwhelmed.

Illness often tips autistic children into crisis, and once they’re in meltdown there is no reasoning or logic that will work. This isn’t about boundaries or giving in – it’s about a child who is no longer coping.

OP, you are not failing and you are not weak for finding this unmanageable. Anyone would be at breaking point dealing with this alone while also trying to protect other children. Going into low-demand mode, cancelling plans and focusing purely on safety is the right thing to do right now.

This is at crisis level and you need urgent professional support. Please contact your GP and ask for urgent help via CAMHS / paediatrics, especially around anxiety, sleep and safety. If she is already known to services, tell them clearly that you cannot keep her safe when she’s like this.

Asking for help does not mean you don’t love your child or aren’t trying - it means the situation is bigger than one parent. The system should be supporting you here.

Sensory needs can mean some people with autism feel pain extremely - it sounds like she could be one of those people. Add that to the sensory overload that comes with even the most relaxed Christmas then as tough as it is I can see why she ended up in such a distressed state.

Have you reached out to school for support? They should be able to signpost you to family support to help everyone find the best ways to cope.

The replies to me can be translated as "how dare you be sick and tired of parents treating the autistic child like she's the problem!"

As for GPs calling a woman or girl "attention-seeking", that's medical misogyny and nothing more. My sister faces this, with her period pains that have literally made her faint. If DD always reacts badly to pain, it's because she cannot cope with it. This isn't her fault.

It's very obvious from the OP's responses to all the posters who were here before me that she's not interested in hearing anything other than "yeah, your kid's a brat". It's her way or the highway, and that's why she fell out with SS.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like she needs some medication to help her. Health services should be involved.