Childcare for older sibling during childbirth

[LaVitesse2022]

We're expecting our second and starting to make plans for what childcare to arrange during childbirth for older child. All our family are abroad and we don't have any close friends nearby. Our child goes to nursery 3X week and we're considering extending that to 4 for a few months to give us a bit more coverage just before new baby arrives and rest just after. But obviously that doesn't cover nights or weekends. We have one trusted babysitter who we'll be contacting but would like to have potentially 1 or 2 more on call just in case one of them can't make it.

I'm curious what people have done in terms of planning in similar circumstances?

I know it’s not an option for everyone, but lack of childcare was one of the deciding factors in me choosing home birth for babies 2 & 3.
I lived far away from family and didn’t have a trusted babysitter nearby either.
If I’d have needed to go to the hospital, our only option would have been for my exH to stay with the children and I’d have had to give birth alone.

I know you say you don't have "close" friends nearby, but do you have any friends at all (e.g. mums mums from nursery that you meet up with at soft play etc)?

I was childcare for a friend living around the corner when she had her baby. I just kept my phone on loud overnight for a few weeks around the birth, and when she went into labour one night I nipped over and slept on the sofa.

I gave birth to my second by myself. I had peace of mind regarding my older child as my partner was at home and wasn't stressed out finding someone to babysit or indeed having to call anyone at ungodly hours. It happened in the evening so no nursery.

It was absolutely fine. Got a bit more attention from the wonderful staff since I was alone.

All I needed my partner for during the birth of our first child was to hand me water anyway. The midwife did that happily.

Was actually calmer and I'd do it again.

I had a friend on stand by and if she wasn't available then I just had to be prepared to go to the hospital by myself and have the baby. My waters broke at 11pm at night and I was lucky my friend was at home.

I think you'd honestly be surprised how much the non-close friends might be willing to step up.

DS1 was four when his brother was born, we have no family support.

A number of people we know from eg NCT and nursery (who I wouldn't have termed as close friends) made it very clear they were willing to help out whenever needed including staying at ours or having DS1 at theirs.

One of our neighbours offered to have ds1 while ds2 was being born so we took them up on it. With ds3 I was due to do
the “cubs run” that day and phoned my friend who’s son I was also taking so we swapped weeks and she picked ds1 up from school etc. ds2 was dropped off by me at a friends at midday (ds3 was born around 4pm). 2 and 3 were home births so the boys just came home to their new brother.

I did this exact thing. I'd never had a natural labour before, so even despite vbac chaos, precipitous labour and shoulder dystocia of baby number 2, dh would have just been annoying after that morphine injection, and useless before it. He's a very capable partner and dad to be clear, but I was in the zone, and that was only possible with dh looking after our very sensitive and insecure ds3.

Nursery was pretty shocked after that we hadn't gotten one of them on call (dd was born Sunday am anyway) - your Nursery might be the same.

Just do it by yourself and husband can look after your other kid. The only other option is pay a nanny or emergency foster care?

Home birth if you feel comfortable, it really takes the stress out of it.

If I hadn't birthed at home I think I would have gone to hospital on my own. DH would not have been happy about not being there, which is obviously a consideration - but I think I would have been fine.

You're getting above and beyond care with homebirth, two dedicated midwives for the whole time and the comfort of your own home. It makes the most sense to me.

You say your close friends are not nearby, but how far away are they? We were in a similar position so we agreed that DH would stay at home whilst we gave a family member time to get to us (around 2hrs travel plus obviously time to get changed if it was the middle of the night etc). I was fully prepared to go it alone.

As it was, I went into labour at 6am, I went straight to the hospital (arrangements as per midwife instructions as I had preeclampsia and DD2 was breech so homebirth not an option for me), DH dropped DD1 at nursery as soon as it opened and legged it to the hospital, making it with about 15mins to spare. We upped DD1s hours to 5 days to give us the maximum chance.

I had elcs for dc2, dc1 was in nursery 3 days so we booked the birth early on one of those days. DH came for the birth amd stayed with me until pickup time. I needed the elcs for medical reasons but even without them I would have preferred it for other reasons, the convenience of scheduling it being one of them.

We had a work friend watch dd, needs must

This was the reason why I had a home birth with my second baby as my parents are dead and my partner’s parents live aboard and we had no other family nearby.

I opted for a csection so I could plan care for dc1. DH was back home for dinner time and then came in the next day after he dropped DC1 at nursery. I was home by lunchtime. Otherwise I would have birthed alone.

Hi there, I'd put this down to what I call "free floating anxiety" where you pick one issue to worry about. You haven't even said how long till new baby due ... if less than three months you can make an informal arrangement with almost any of the neighbours or with a babysitting service! Or simply take baby in to hospital with you.

FWIW i had a similar worry, baby no. 1 was 11 (yes eleven) when new baby due and as it turned out she was on a school trip and came home later in the day that her sister was born!

I guess you have a few options:
Go through labour without DH there so he can look after DC
Home birth if first labour was straightforward
Ask someone who DC knows and would recognise to be on standby
Pay/organise temporary childcare

We hired a trainee doula. I was having a home birth anyway (both mine were born at home). So we wanted someone who could look after dd downstairs while I was in labour upstairs and could explain to her what was happening, not be meddlesome or freaked out, and could stay with her if there was an emergency and Dh had to come with me to hospital. We have no family support and our friends all have jobs you can’t just not turn up to (teachers, nurses, GPs, etc).

It worked really well. Dd still remembers the doula fondly. They ate snacks and watched Frozen. She brought dd up to see us a few times, including within minutes of him being born. She made us cups of tea after and brought me soup for lunch the next day. It costs us £500, though that included more than just the 6 hours or so she was actually here for the birth as she did 3 postnatal sessions too, but it meant we had her on call 24/7 for 5 weeks, no matter what happened or time of day.

I would ask a few local nursery mums if they would be able to be on standby - maybe set up a WhatsApp group for all of them? I offered to a pregnant mum at my nursery she can always drop her son at mine if needed (I’m a single mum so almost always home at night!)

I also gave birth alone. I had a c section, I was earlier on the list while she was at nursery but there were lots of emergencies. She was only 2 and we didn’t have any family for her to stay with so didn’t want her first experience of her not having one of us at bedtime to be at that time. It was absolutely fine and he dropped her at nursery the next morning and came straight in.

Give birth alone

(Is what I did)

We just asked a couple of mates with babies same age as dc1

Dad.

My mums abroad too but she flew over to me to be here to look after older 3 year old

had elective c section though so knew the date

if I was to go in labour early then i had asked the nursery staff could anyone look after her in an emergency and left my key with one of the staff as a back up and she’d agreed to take child home for me

it wasn’t needed in the end as my mum made it over

I’d agree with this, I think your friends would be willing to help. I looked after a colleague’s toddler when she was in labour with her second, she was foreign and had no family nearby. Dad dropped him off around 5 in the morning and I looked after him and dropped him to his childminder a bit later in the day on my way to work. My parents were a bit shit and unreliable when I was in labour so I knew what it was like to worry about it. I think other mums will be willing to help, they’ll understand how you feel.