Why Health Visitor wants to visit again?

[Dulcie6]

Just had Health Visitor here for the 10 day check. She said she would visit again next week.

Why would this be? Is it because she thinks I’m doing a shit job? This is my 3rd baby. I didn’t express any concerns about baby and she has gained a lot weight etc. I don’t have depression. Felt a bit down for a couple of days early on which I told her about, but also said fine now.

The house is a mess to be fair. Not horrendous but not tidy. I obviously I have 2 other young kids and I’m basically sat down most of the day feeding.

I can’t think that I did or said anything wrong, but now I’m worried that she thinks I’m doing a crap job.

Why would she visit again?

Don’t worry OP. It’s her job to support you. I remember mine coming back after a week or so - is that a bad sign?

You’re not doing a bad job. I definitely found it harder with 2. Could be that you mentioning feeling a bit down triggered it - that’s nothing to be ashamed of though. I really, really wouldn’t worry about it.

I’m also quite a nervous person at times and quite giggly. I guess I was a bit nervous picking her up when being watched etc. she was also staring at me breastfeeding . I’m not confident doing it in front of others so I just kind of whacked her on my boob. Potentially not with a great latch, but just to get her on there and to stop HV looking at me.

Health visitors are there to support and help. Please don’t take her wanting to visit again as a negative. She’s looking out for you and your baby :)

Probably just to see how you're getting on. It's not that unusual.

You can decline if you're not comfortable though

@LadybyrdI don’t know if it’s a bad sign or not. Google tells me it’s because they’ve identified a concern or that you may need more support.

I definitely don’t feel like I need more support. I feel like I’m doing a good job considering we have 2 other kids.

She’s also a Mum from school and now I just feel really embarrassed in case she thinks I’m shit or something.

Because it's her job.
Probably she'll do a quick weight check of baby and that's it.

There's no way I'd like someone I know IRL to be my health visitor. When I had a midwife appointment once there was a student midwife who was a friend from school, she asked me if it was ok first.

Ring up and ask for something different. It's not appropriate.

You’re fine, OP, honestly. Please don’t worry. 2 children with a newborn is a lot - she’s just making sure you’re supported.

Many years ago health visitors use to come out every day for the first 2weeks.

It wasn't to be nosey it was just to support you check in with new baby etc.
Bring the odd blanket baby clothes or stuff you needed but couldn't get, just a chat really talk about baby groups etc.

I dont no what it's like now.
Seems a lot of people fear them.

Ask to go to the Health Centre instead. Much less disruptive in my opinion.

So she came again for the 6 week check today and then said she’d come back in 2 weeks. She doesn’t need to come again. That’s not normal for the area I live in.

Baby is massive and in 3-6 month clothing.

She obviously thinks I’m going something wrong?!

I think I’ll message and decline the next appointment

Did you ask her why?

You indicated your house was messy. What do you mean by this? Is the house in total chaos with stuff everywhere I me is it just the usual stuff that would come with three young kids?

In my local area all parents are made appointments at certain ages (newborn, 6-8 weeks, 3-4 months, 9 months and 2 years) more appointments are made for parents breastfeeding.

It doesn't sound like the appointments are anything more than this, but you are well within your right to ask.

It's totally fine to ask to be allocated a new health visitor with knowing yours already.

As a side note - if you feel a little anxious the health visiting team can often offer listening appointments to provie support.

My lo is 12 weeks. HV came every 3 days to start, then weekly for the first month, then fortnightly until 8 weeks and next visit will be on the 19th. I dont think its unusual?

@NeedmorelegoI didn’t ask because I was a bit upset to be honest. The guidance where I live is to see you at 6-8 weeks and then again at 6 months.

She had also brought someone along with her (she did ask if she could bring a student nurse with her), but turns out that I also know her (we live in a small town), so I didn’t want to bring it up.

I think I will wait for her to message re: the next appointment and just say thanks etc but I’m happy to leave the next appointment and see her at the 6 month visit unless she has any concerns and then give me a call sort of thing?

@Dulcie6 you say you're happy to wait until 6 months "unless she has any concerns". Well obviously she does if she wants to come again in 2 weeks.
Just ASK why she wants to come again.

@PollyBell Why do OP’s posts not seem normal? They do to me. OP just sounds like a parent who is anxious about whether the HV thinks she’s doing a good job or not and has had that thought amplified because the HV is coming out more times than she’s used to based on having two older children where this has not happened. The worrying shows that she cares, and I think most parents would have moments where they question things especially if something feels out of the norm.

OP, it might be best to just give her a call or text like you mentioned, if she is concerned then she will bring it up with you. I saw the same HV twice for both my children, and both times I saw her a lot more than is usual but there were reasons. My first baby had a milk intolerance and we were both struggling until we cracked it with the new milk, my second baby unfortunately I got a cancer diagnosis after birth and she could clearly see I was having a hard time as would be expected, I saw her often and there was one point where she suggested I might need more support, not because she was worried about my baby but because she was trying to take care of me. She knew our baby was well loved, cared for by both me and his other parent, but as others have mentioned in the post they are trained to look out for both mum and baby. You mentioning that maybe you’d felt a bit down might have triggered something in her check list and you don’t know if they have a certain amount of time they’re supposed to keep an eye on you in their own guidelines. I think just asking the question will ease your mind a bit, I doubt you’re doing anything terrible but the amount she’s seeing you there is a reason, you just need to find out why :).

@Dulcie6 I think you need to ask her why she thinks the visits are necessary. Also, what does she do when she visits? Do you feel there is any help you would benefit from.

Also, can you define the mess? Is the kitchen clean with plates cleared away? Bathroom? Although to be fair, my HV could have done with a good wash.

I dont think she thinks that you are doing anything wrong or a bad mum. You've mentioned that a couple of times and I wonder if that is what is causing you the most anxiety?

Sounds like baby is feeding really well and gaining weight and thriving so I wouldnt be concerned for a second that they think there's an issue there. Its young for milestones so I wouldnt for a second think she is worried that your baby is behind at all.

I think that she maybe has identified a little concern with how you are settling in to having 3 young kids and if you are coping with things or if you need some support? Obviously everyone's definition of untidy is different but I think most would expect a house with 3 very young kids to be a little untidy so I wouldnt worry too much about that. In fact when I went out with a HV as a student in a well to do area she said she used to worry a little about the mums whose houses were absolutley spotless. Do you feel well in yourself and feel you have enough support? If you are struggling at all with mood or anxiety aHV can be really helpful to chat things through.

You can decline the HV service and you can ask to switch if you know her. I personally think it exists for a reason and have always found the idea of having an advice line quite helpful and preferred my kids to have their growth checked and assessments to make sure they were on track. My HV was really helpful when my youngest req some speech therapy.

@Butterbean21 oh yes, I had comments from mw's and hv's about how clean and tidy my house was. It was much the same as my mother's and most of my friends - you know, because we were clean and tidy. I jist took the view that the mw's and hv's, or the ones I saw, lived in a bit of a mess - they weren't that clean personally vis a vis hair and shoes, etc., or tidy which made me feel they'd have been better in uniform.

They weren't in the least bit helpful.

It's really important the op asks why additional visits are cinsidered necessary and it's a shame the hv hasn't been transparent. I also think the op should ask for a different hv as there isba conflict vis a vis being another school mum. If the HV were professional she'd have done that immediately.

I don’t act like this towards them .. I haven’t said a single thing to them about any of this. I’ve just let them turn up for every visit.

I doubt she’s there for the baby as my baby is massive and putting on loads of weight. She’s completely healthy.

I wonder why you feel the need to be shitty with a stranger online? Strange.

I will ask her when she messages. I just wish she would say if she has any concerns. I would rather she just be upfront so I can resolve it.