Why Health Visitor wants to visit again?

[Dulcie6]

Just had Health Visitor here for the 10 day check. She said she would visit again next week.

Why would this be? Is it because she thinks I’m doing a shit job? This is my 3rd baby. I didn’t express any concerns about baby and she has gained a lot weight etc. I don’t have depression. Felt a bit down for a couple of days early on which I told her about, but also said fine now.

The house is a mess to be fair. Not horrendous but not tidy. I obviously I have 2 other young kids and I’m basically sat down most of the day feeding.

I can’t think that I did or said anything wrong, but now I’m worried that she thinks I’m doing a crap job.

Why would she visit again?

Do you think she's trying to put extra effort in as you know each other? A lot of people have very negative experiences of HVs and if you know her from the school she might be worried that if she doesn't do a good job you'll complain to other mums.

Having said that, I'd also ask for a different HV who doesn't know me in a personal way.

Hi OP

Ignore the post telling you you are "manic", that's nuts.

Look this is preying on your mind. Best way is to resolve these things. Consider : if you are feeling anxious, would seeing a different HV or a GP help? Or, would you feel better seeing no one?

Then, ring them up at 9 am and proactively say you don't need another mtg, or you want to see someone else.

Then it's done and not "itching" you anymore.

The birthrate is falling off a cliff - maybe she’s just got additional capacity (and wants to keep a full diary for self-protection purposes)?

There is a universal pathway for health vising, so core visits that all families are offered regardless of circumstances.
Where I am that is a contact antenatally, at 10 days 2/3 weeks the 6 weeks, 8/9 months etc etc till school age.
The health visitor should have explained to you what the pattern of visits would be.
Family's who need more support are offered visits on top of the universal pathway.

For the last 10 years pressures on services, staffing and changes in public health policy have meant changes to the universal pathway. But I would say now health visiting is trying to back to regular timely contacts for all families.

You aren’t being manic. Period.

I feel for you, OP. I couldn’t be arsed to do the first HV visit where it’s a home check, but gritted my teeth. I like when they ask you “sooooo, how are YOU? How’s mum?” and I fight the urge to say “I’d be a lot fucking better if you lot just left me and my doorbell alone”

It could be absolutely nothing, but I would ask/use a PP’s phrasing of “unless you have concerns?” to put an end to this intrusion, an intrusion causing you, ironically, stress.

I’ll be flamed, but I found these visits so patronising and degrading. The questions of “is dad on the scene?” (Yeah, he’s at work right now though), “do you own or rent this house?” And “any financial issues on the horizon?”…. Ffs.

Honestly (I work in a related field and have been in similar situations) I would bet £million that because she “knows” you she’s going (what she sees as) above and beyond and giving you a bit of special treatment and TLC. Obvs this is hugely backfiring but a lot of people in these professions (said with love as I am in one) think you’re all desperate to make meaningful connections with us and have cheeky little extras and feel you’re special because you know the HV/midwife. And sometimes it does go down that way. But clearly not here!
I think your plan is fine and will definitely flush out if there are any real concerns but I would be so sure there aren’t from what you’ve written.

Have you asked why she wants to visit again?

I would be the same OP, it would make me a little curious why it was being done outside of the norm. Could just be that she knows you and wants to be extra supportive?

I would just give her a call and say something like " hey X, thanks for calling out. You mentioned another visit in a few weeks and I was a little confused as I thought the protocol was X. Can I check has this changed?"

I found the HV 'popping round' a pain in the arse too. She was perfectly nice, but yes it felt like a formal inspection rather than an informal opportunity to ask questions (so, actually, counter productive).
If there aren't any concerns beyond the first visits in the early weeks post birth, then visits beyond that should be at parent's request. Or they should at least be giving you the opportunity of taking/leaving a proposed visit.

I would think it's because you know her she is making sure she takes extra good care of you. DS4's pediatrician popped in to see me when I was in hospital having ds5 which I thought was really nice. Caused a bit of a panic amongst the drs and midwives at the ward round though because she was head of the neonatal department and they all wondered why she was there when nobody had called her.

I have 4 children and have always had regular health visitor visits. Especially with my twins. She was coming out every other week with them until they were about 4 months. Then it turned to monthly and then bimonthly. I've found it incredibly helpful. She has never ever made me feel like I'm doing anything wrong and is always full of praise and reassuring. I do think there are some occasions where extra visits are necessary and it's solely for support. Maybe because this is your 3rd, she wants to make sure you feel supported? You can always decline if it makes you uncomfortable.
Mine referred us to baby massage and some other lovely groups. A different health visitor came once and told me they were on the verge of 'failure to thrive' because of their weight. I broke my heart and asked for my usual health visitor. When she came out, she reassured me and reminded me that all milestone are being hit and they are very happy children, weight is just one aspect of failure to thrive and they do not fit that category. So I do think it depends on the health visitor you get. I have such a positive relationship with ours. She even brought my eldest two toothbrushes and books when she brings the twins!
Try not to worry. I would also add that having 3 littles means your house shouldn't be spotless. It is meant to look lived in and your time should prioritise caring for them and play over housework.

because you are doing something very difficult and very important and better safe than sorry

They certainly did, I was really shocked to learn they barely come out now!

How long ago. My eldest is 31 and it was 12 days and about two weeks later. More than enough afaiwc as they were a combination of bone idle and wholly inept. Mine was 23 and so inexperienced, and rude, it was downright laughable, and had also swallowed the encyclopaedia of political correctness.

Hi OP, I had my 3rd in October and my HV came again soon after the 10 day check too 🤷🏻‍♀️ unsure why as weight gain etc was fine, I thought must be a new schedule they’re following!

I disagree that she obviously has concerns
op said she was struggling at first, she might just be checking in in case she was minimising how much she was really struggling, so that op has more opportunities to ask for support if needed.
op I actually think it’s really inappropriate though that she’s a. A school mum, b, brought another person you know and c. Not told you why she’s visiting so much. I would definitely ask why she’s coming