Fat comment

[Lily27]

My DS, 9yo just called DP fat in front of his school friend. He teases him about being fat. For sure DP is a quite a bit pudgy. But he was offended at this teasing in front of another child. What do you think? I will tell DS not to do that any more. But is my DP overreacting.? Do kids remark on their parents this way in front of others?

I don't think your DP is overreacting, I can see why they would be upset, particularly as you say your DS teases him about being fat so this was not a one off. I would probably want to have a serious word with my child about commenting on other people's body shapes/sizes.

At 9 he knows hes being nasty. Time to.have a stern talk with him about not making hurtful comments on other peoples bodies or appearance.

I'm surprised you have to ask. Do you not know your child?

I know him very well and he is a sweetie. It’s not in his nature to be cruel or thoughtless. That’s why I’m asking this forum. Do other 9 or 10 year olds tease insensitively?

He shouldn't be making remarks like this at all.
Not in private , not in front of other people . It's disrespectful.
He's old enough to understand about other people's sensitivities.

How long has DP been around.

What's going on at school? He isn't doing this out of the blue for no reason.

DP is my son’s dad so he has been around right from the beginning. Nothing notable at school

He’s not being sweet now tho? Is DP his dad?
at 9 he should know not to make personal comments and especially those based on people’s appearances

I think at this age, you need to tell children not to comment on other people’s appearances. Full stop. It rarely goes down well.

DP is his Dad and no it’s not sweet. That’s why I am wondering if this is something other 9 or 10 year olds do, not realising that it’s wrong

That is mean and really horrible.

Your son is not behaving very sweetly is he.

No. That’s why I am wondering if this is something kids of his age do without being aware that it’s mean. My point is exactly that usually he is not unkind.

I do think they need some guidance at this age. DS aged 10 likes to tease DH about his hairline. He is a nice kid but is still learning where the line is between teasing and being mean (which we are helping him to learn!)

It's pretty disrespectful and unpleasant. At 9 he is old enough to know better.

By that age he would’ve learned at schools AND at home that you don’t comment on other people’s appearance , tease them about it or call them names. He knows it’s wrong, yet he chooses to keep doing it.

Yes. I’ll definitely have a word with him this evening

Your DP is right to be offended. It's time your 9 year old was very firmly put right on this.

At 9 he almost certainly knows that people are often sensitive to remarks about their weight and size. He shouldn't be even joking about it behind closed doors because this is what happens when one day he takes it too far. Nip it in the bud right now. No more "joking" because it really isn't funny at all, and absolutely no more comments in public, or in front of other children.

Thanks - that’s what I was thinking. Perhaps we haven’t given him enough guidance. Will work on it!!

I have a 9 year old. I would be furious if she said anything along those lines. There would be very serious consequences at home for being such a nasty shit (for that moment in time). At 9 they know this is absolutely mean and cruel.

Sounds like he needs a think it don’t say it intervention.
Some things need to stay in his head and not be spoken out loud. If he sees someone is overweight/ has spots/ greasy hair for e.g.this stays in his head and does not come out of his mouth.
If it has become the norm at home, he is escalating and taking it to the next level saying it to his dad in front of a peer.
Most 9 year olds would not do this.

hes just being cheeky to his Dad a bit of banter, he’s testing the boundaries, I wouldn’t think he meant it maliciously just ask him how he would feel if it was said about him.

He wasn't "a sweetie" when he called your DP fat ...
Calling some one fat is cruel and thoughtless.
Some 9/10 year olds do "tease insensitively" and need to be be told its totally unacceptable because its hurtful,cruel and insensitive and not to do it.
If your child did this in any other setting,or to anyone else it would have an effect and have consequences. Better to explain its totally unacceptable and not the values by which anyone should live.

No that’s not ok and I can see why your dp would have felt embarrassed. You need to teach your son what’s appropriate and what’s not. Sometimes my ds and dh have ‘banter’ that can go too far and stray into personal remarks but ds wouldn’t do it in front of friends.

Maybe your ds didn’t mean to hurt his father but he needs to understand why is not ok to comment on appearance like this. Not nice at all.

Your son is/was mean and needs to learn boundaries

I wondered how long it would take before the ‘banter’ came up. Banter is in the same realm as teasing. It’s rude, frequently cruel and always unacceptable.