Expecting and building a house

[FSR01]

Hey! It's my first time posting and I'm in desperate need of advice. So, I found out I'm pregnant and I would say by accident, but we were playing with fire...anyway. We're in the middle of a self build and it's only my partner and his dad building it and probably wont be ready for another year. Were currently living in a static caravan and we're worried that it isn't enough space and will be too cold for a baby. I'm also dreading telling our families incase it's the wrong decision.

Help and advice please

At least initially, you’ll be fine in a static in terms of space. Babies don’t need their own room. Even toddlers don’t need their own room. And they aren’t hugely mobile for the first year, so I’d say you have a good 2 years before you need to start thinking about space.

Warmth is another thing. You will need to keep it warm during the winter. We lived in a draughty old cottage when we had our eldest. Literally the curtains blew when the wind did and we used to get ice on the inside of the windows sometimes. We got electric heaters and heated whatever room dd was in - our bedroom at night and the lounge during the day, and it was fine. How are you heating it now? Can you add some extra heaters? Realistically, you will hopefully only be there one winter with a baby, so it’s possible to make it work.

If you have just found out, then you are due in July or August ? So you realistically have 11 months to get your house (or at least three rooms) to the point of being warm and livable. That's not impossible.

Hopefully your dp and FIL will understand the urgency and get on with it.

Find a good contractor and get the house finished quicker or at least get a working bathroom and temporary heating system in your build ASAP.

We've currently got a log burner in the lounge as well as a heater, a heater in the bedroom, heated towel rail in the bathroom so it's always warm in there and then in the spare bedroom/ what we use as a utility there is also a heater. We've been here 5 years already and my partner said we will still be here until January 2027 at the latest. So the baby will be 5 months old by then

Haha! Youd hope they would just get on with it, but theyre literally doing everything themselves and things, I realize, take a lot of time. He just doesn't want the pressure whereas before finding out, we had all the time in the world because the caravan is okay for us but will it be okay for a baby? I really dont know

I wish it was that easy! But to ensure you get everything done to the way you like it and with no typical new build snags, it's better to do the job yourself. Hence wondering if we could do it all in the caravan/ maybe towards the end move in with my partners parents

I wish it was that easy! But to ensure you get everything done to the way you like it and with no typical new build snags, it's better to do the job yourself. Hence wondering if we could do it all in the caravan/ maybe towards the end move in with my partners parents

It's perfectly possible - we've done multiple builds on very high spec homes using trusted contractors.

you’ll be fine for space until they’re about a year old and become mobile, if you have decent outside space then that will help. If the caravan has room for a toddler bed then you could probably swing it too 2-3yrs old before you start really feeling the pressure. I’d say you’ll probably want to invest a small amount in some kind of storage shed/bike store type building for things like the pushchair because it will be hard to find somewhere in a caravan to stash them out if the way.

Youve said it’s warm and dry so it’s not a health concern, it’s purely a space issue and that’s workable for a short while.

Were living on the site that the house is being built so as it's water tight, we could store pushchair in there when it's not being used. I'm finding all of these responses so helpful and positive though which is what I need

Judging by the Grand Designs tv show you’re doing everything right. You’ll probably need to borrow another million from family, but eventually it’ll be lovely. By which time you’ll have at least another baby and one on the way.

This isn't helpful.

That's ridiculous drama for TV. The majority of self builders complete their build well within budget and on schedule. If you don't plan and budget properly, then you'll have problems.

This is one of those things of "possible" vs "enjoyable".

Can you have and raise a baby in a caravan? Yes

Would I ever, in a million fucking years, choose to have a baby, especially my first, while living in one? Absolutely NOT.

Get yourself out of there. If you have money to build a house, you have money to rent somewhere sensible.

I could write paragraphs as to why that's not suitable accommodation when you're heavily pregnant, when you have a newborn, when you have a mobile baby etc etc.

But you do what you want.

And if your husband doesn't get behind a decision to move out, he does not have your best interest at heart and has no fucking clue how hard it is to have a baby.

All those heaters will have to be turned off when your baby turns 6 months and starts to crawl.

A friend's baby was recently in hospital with horrific burns on his hands from going up to a heater and puttin his hands on there. He was too small to realize he should take them off so he just cried and kept them on the heater. In the couple seconds my friend was able to react, a layer of his skin had been burnt off.

LOL. You've been there 5 years and he says it will take until at least 2027. So he will have spent 7 years building a house, minimum. By the time you move in, you'll have to renovate the damn place.

You are as mad as he is for putting up with it.

Jesus Christ why is it taking so long to build a house? Did he fill you with that bullshit about not getting a contractor (because he wants to save money I bet!) most people in Ireland manage to build a house in between 1-2 years!! He’s taking the piss!

Thank you for being honest! I really don't know what to do or say. We need to have a proper chat about it, I just know I really want this baby and thinking of ways round it is difficult. Like I said I don't know how his parents will react. My parents live over an hour away so they won't be able to let us live there so living in his parents house is an option if they allow it

It hasn't taken 5 years to built it, I left my job in 2020 and moved away from home and we chose to live on the farm in a caravan. The build didn't start until 2022. The living in a caravan doesn't bother me, it's whether we have room for a child.

Is he working as well as building?

Don't you have a proper project schedule in place?

No and this post isn't about advice for building a house but thank you for your help and advice regarding it

No, this is his job. We had to wait ages for the windows to the made, plasterer to get back to us , scaffold to be lowered etc etc, things are held up because of other people.

Why are you dreading telling your and his parents? Are you 17? Presumably you're grown adults who have been together for at least 5 years, at this point in a relationship a baby is not exactly a surprise to anyone.

Sounds like some growing up is needed here. I say this not for you, for him.

YOU will be doing all the maturing really fucking fast.

Remember, YOU are the one who is pregnant, giving birth, recovering from said birth, doing most of the care and worrying for this baby. You need rock solid support but you also need to start prioritising YOU and YOUR needs. A caravan and some dude hacking away at a project house 24/7 is a recipe for a terrible time.

At this point, I'd insist on renting a flat somewhere. Or hire builders and get this bloody house done.

Ok well if you want my advice…yes you are nuts to consider this!! It will be very hard and trying on your relationship! Does it matter what your in-laws think you’re grown adult aren’t you?