No. 2 arriving soon - any practical tips on how to manage?

[mrsmacleod]

Hello, DS2 should be with us any day and I'm getting a little bit anxious as to how I'm going to juggle a newborn and a 2.5yr toddler. Not so much on the introducing the new sibling, as I've found lots of ideas for that from friends and mumsnet, but would really appreciate tips - from those in a similar situation - on how I might manage things on a day-to-day basis. Should I be drawing up meal plans for the next 6 months? Or maybe I should be applying for a loan to pay for a housekeeper?!

I had a slightly bigger age gap - 3.7 years.

All the advice you have when you have your first (e.g. sleep when the baby does) is irrelevant when you have a lively toddler to entertain at the same time.

I would say - simplify all meals (baked potatoes and salad is a standby here)

Try and keep on top of laundry - a load every day or couple of days at least.

In your last few days (if you have time or energy) de clutter even if only a bit!

When you new one arrives don't feel guilty if the toddler watches CBeebies a lot occasionally. This seems to be traditional mnet advice. As long as you don't let them drink fruit shoots at the same time all will be fine.

We were very tired (still are tbh) but the best thing is watching the older one cuddle the younger one.

Hope all goes really well for you.

Be prepared to be flexible!!
But at the same time think before doing anything - seriously I sit in the car before getting out and think who or what am i taking out first - e.g toddler last as may rummage thru shopping run off etc just little things like that can de-stress most situaions!!
Most of all don't panic - you'll be fine!!

don't think too hard about 6 months time for now. take a day at a time. i have a 2.11 and a 12 week old, let me think...yes i have extra nappy area downstairs now. i keep the prams ready stocked especially with snacks and drinks to go so wailing babe can be lobbed in at last minute and walked to settle while toddler entertained.

bouncy balls & bubbles for outdoors, new books. all 'oohhh look, things' that toddler can self-amuse with. plus major cbeebies/milkshake recording sessions. in our case, don't make the toddler 'help' too much early on, put the baby down whenever you can to play with toddler, 'oh good, it's mummy's turn to play with toddler!'. be explicit when it is 'babies turn' to need you. taking turn and sharing are things my toddler is good at now.

I have an age gap of 20 months. At first it was bfing ds2 while watching ds2 destroy the house.

My advice is to relax and go with whatever is happening.

Ds2 is now 12 months and it has been a wonderful year. Meal planning is good as it makes shopping more efficient, a slow cooker is good because when both of them took naps in the morning I could prep dinner and not have to worry about it at 5pm when all hell breaks loose in the house.

TV is your friend . . . TV is your friend . . .TV is your friend.

A year on my mantra is "If no one is bleeding it's a good day"

ds1 destroy the house.

Fantastic! This is all very reassuring and helpful, thank you.

Simple meals (lucky DH is a salad fan), slow cooker (which I have, need to dig out my v. 70's slow cooker recipe book - why hasn't Jamie or Nigella brought out a slow cooker book yet?), regular laundry (I tend to let it build up so will have to be a bit more disciplined on that) and extra nappy area (something I've already been considering but will now get sorted) are all great suggestions. CBeebies is already my best friend and we have a fine collection of Pingu DVDs.

Always good to be reminded to relax, think through stuff and be flexible as it's failing to do so is usually when things get really difficult.

Must buy bubbles this week :-)

I have a 2.2 yo and a 2 mo. I have a stairgate (one that isn't sprung so that it can be left open most of the time) across a room so that when DS gets engrossed with a toy, I can quietly gate him in and run off to do something without thinking he might accidentally hurt the baby (who I put in the kitchen) whilst I am distracted.

i have also doubled the time allowance i need to get out of the house - used to leave 10 minutes to get out, now i leave 20 to do it!

I used to use bfeeding time to play quietly with ds1, a game on the floor so I could sit against the wall or settee with baby, and do cars, or reading, etc. Then when I needed to do some housework here and there, I had already spent at least 30 mins with ds1, so I didn't have to feel guilty at letting ds1 get on with something himself.

And accept ALL offers of help without feeling guilty at taking up someone's time - they usually love being with a newborn!

Hey crokky, like your stairgate idea but we're all open plan :-(

merryberry - am remembering now how long it used to take me to get out the house when DS1 was tiny, will have to keep that in mind!

twoisplenty - I'm looking forward to people wanting to whisk my newborn off

I have a 15 month old and a 8 week old and I wont lie the last 8 weeks have been very hard.

Although DD2 has had a lactose intolerance so she was screaming every night for hours at first.Now shes on the lactose free milk things are a little easier.

I second what everyone else says.If you can get help...get it.Dont worry too much about housework.Quick and easy meals etc.

It now takes us ages to get out the house and thats with my mum helping so if you know you are going out in the morning...try to get things ready the night before.

When first baby is born we priorise their needs before everything else. That's because we have nothing better to do.

When second baby is born, it sounds odd, but we may still need to prioritise first baby. Because a toddler is so much more aware and is more likely to get hurt (emotionally or physically!) when left to their own devices.

I learnt with baby no 2 that you can actually leave a baby to cry and it doesn't kill them. But you can't leave a toddler who is wetting themselves, getting into the tools cupboard, breaking the best china.

So don't beat yourself up if you can't give no 2 quite the same quality care as you did with no 1. No 2 gets other benefits- and interesting older sibling, an experienced Mum and a certain lack of expectations.

I have a 3.5yr gap and i will admit that i found it very hard, but i think alot of that was because dd1 was a very easy baby (from day one she slept for 4 hours between feeds)dd2 perferred to scream then sleep for the first 4 months .

Don't worry about the housework other then the laundry and food everything else can wait.

I did/do the wahing every other day and keep on top of the ironing.

Keep dinners a simple as possible. If doing things like spag bog or chilli do enough to freeze for another day when you have no time to do a dinner.

Rest when possible if your dc still have a sleep in the afternoon then you have a rest.

Good luck and i will say since dd2 has been able to around by herself both dd's play/get on realy well.

My main thing would be, lower your expectations of what is possible, at least in the first few months!

My DD1 was nearly 3 when DD2 arrived, and at first I beat myself up about not doing as much as I had with only one (housework, activities, seeing friends, just getting out of the house!) but soon realised that if I went with the flow a bit more and accepted how it was I would be less frustrated and fed up. There were days - a lot of days - at the beginning when organising naps, feeding, changing, trips to loo etc in such a way as to have a window long enough to get outside - all through a haze of sleeplessness - just was beyond me.

In hindsight I think I should also have asked for help more - if you wait for people to offer, they might not know what will help most: I wish now I had just asked for specific help when I felt I needed it, like taking the baby out for an hour so I could play with DD1, or have some time to read a book or watch Tv, or have a bath - rather than have family visit and spend the whole time indoors chatting and making them cups of tea. (Although adult chat was sometimes what I needed too.)

That sounds negative, but it isn't meant to be. The other thing is - it does get easier (then some days harder, then easier again) and it is worth it. Mine are 1 and nearly 4 now, and I can see they are going to have such a lovely time together. They will fight like crazy too, no doubt, but on balance, a lovely time!

I guess I'm just v.aware that DS1 and I have a nice routine going - I generally feel on top of stuff and even get the occasional night out - and that is all going to disappear when we get back into the sleepless nights and constant breastfeeding. As you all say, I will just have to go with the flow

My biggest tip is to get the nice man from Tesco to bring your shopping to you!

Hi mrsmacleod we have a 2 year gap between ours - DS1 now 2.6 and DS2 6 months.

If you usually do the bedtime routine with your lo, get your partner involved before the new baby comes, my DH took over bathing DS1, getting him ready for bed and reading him stories before DS2 was born, made it a lot easier when I went into hospital to have the baby and also afterwards

Get a bath support for the new baby if you want to bath them both together, keeps both hands free to stop the toddler trying to drown the baby! We bathed DS2 with DS1 from day 1 and got both ready for bed at the same time - even though DS2 was downstairs with us until we went to bed for about the first 6 weeks it helped to start some sort of bedtime routine and from about 6 weeks old he was going to bed at 7ish with DS1 - was heaven to have the nights to ourselves after entertaining 2 all day!

Never tell the toddler to be quiet when you are trying to put the baby down for a nap - means they are 200 times louder than they normally would be (learned this the hard way!)

Keep special toys, books and snacks for only when you are feeding the baby - keeps the toddler occupied for about 5 minutes

Think of easy meals to serve the toddler that don't take too long to prepare - pasta, cheese on toast, beans on toast, boiled eggs and soldiers and pizza are all favourites in this house

I'm sure I will think of more - we have a 23 month gap between our 2 lo's and it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be.

Cbeebies

Get a cleaner if you can afford one (or help with the ironing)

Let your standards slip a bit (or a lot) - they will survive

Make sure the older one gets some one on one attention - esp when you least feel like it

HI MrsMacleod, I have 3 now with a 21 month gap between each.
Ditto what others have said, be realistic if you all manage to get dressed before lunchtime you are doing well, if you have also managed to shower, fantastic.
Do get hubby involved if he is not already, not only with the children but also the housework.
Don't expect that your toddler will love the baby, Ds1 was great with Ds2, but Ds2 has not been so enamoured with Dd.
It is hard work, hope it all goes well for you.

Make lunches for yourself and toddler as early as you can in the day and then keep them in the fridge.

In the first couple of weeks on your own after paternity leave, make sure you have organised getting friends round if only for a little while most days - making sure the toddler has someone to play with and you have an adult who can help you with anything that needs doing.

Don't worry about a routine for the baby; I found it much more important to ensure the older one still got all his usual outings to groups etc and didn't actually get a chance to notice if a routine was forming for lo. In fact we didn't establish one much at all until weaning started properly but it suddenly clicked into place.

Good luck!

I have a 3.8 age gap. I would say:

Get used to bf anywhere ... I used to bf DD2 sat on the loo whilst DD1 was having her bath. I could then put her to bed whilst DD1 was looking at some books/playing with toys, then put DD1 to bed.

Washing on every day, into tumble dryer, fold and smooth ... iron the bare minimum!

Try to find a way to do something with DS1 just you and him. They need time with just you without the baby.

The baby can be strapped into a bouncy chair (if it is a lie-back one) and put on work surface in kitchen out of harms way and so you can still get on with stuff.

Simple dinners - roast chicken, jacket potato, salad one night, left over chicken the next etc

I established a bedtime from day 1, mostly as DD1 was going to bed so why wouldn't I put DD2 to bed just before (also can't imagine DD1 would be v.impressed with her little sister being able to stay downstairs). Of course DD2 was usually up a couple of hours later but no big deal.

I bathed them together - when DD1 was really little I used an over-the-bath baby bath, when she was a bit bigger (but still maybe only 4-5 weeks) I used one of those bath chairs. Was always good fun when she did a poo ... "everyone out everyone out!!!".

I found it not as much of a shock 2nd time around as we were already in the chaotic world of kids and parenting! Things like weaning are so much easier ... I remember making up ice cube trays full of stuff for DD1. With DD2, if I was cooking peas, carrots and potatoes for DD1, I'd mash up some for DD2.

Go with the flow and you'll be fine.

Thank you all so much for your wisdom. Am waiting for the right moment to tell DH that the washing up will be all his job once DS2 makes his arrival

Cbeebies. DVDs. Lower expectations about any routine that you had time to think about with DS1. I did this and weirdly DS2 slipped quite happily into one which was pretty much identical to the one I had with DS1.

Less practical but perhaps helpful - I worried so much about how they were both feeling and only recently have I been able to relax a bit and see that they did come one after the other and that they each have a place which is theirs. NOw that DS2 is 10 months they are genuinely starting to play together which is just the most lovely thing as eveyone seems to say.The little one has the big one and the big one has the little one. GOOD LUCK.