My child going full time :(

[Thelonelymumma]

Hi. My daughter started reception 2 months ago and as she’s only 4 she does part time 8:30-11:30 she’s 5 end of december so doesn’t legally have to go full time till Jan she was loving doing part time and then spending rest of day with me but teacher asked me and her to do full time and she wanted too. I was absolutely heart broken this morning. I thought she enjoyed half time at school and fun things with me as she knows once Jan comes she has to do full time till 18 years old but she wants to do full time I’ve accepted it but can’t help crying walking back home as wanted that little extra time with her :( anyone else feel like this or is it just me

Nicely- it's just you. I appreciate it's a big change, but this is something that she's going to have to do in 2 months anyway, and I imagine all of her friends already do at school. Trying to guilt get that she has 18 years of school in front of her is not very nice- it's not framing that very positively to her.

Time to plan in some nice things for the school holidays instead.

She will see that ‘big children’ go to school all day - and she wants to be like them. There is still plenty of time to do fun stuff out of school hours.

It’s good that she’s happy going to school.

DT’s started full time at 4 years and two months - they loved it and would have hated part time (as would I).

In your position I’d be pleased your DD is enjoying school so much.

Blimey, calm down!
You make it sound like she’s stopped loving you altogether, which I’m absolutely sure isn’t the case. She still loves you with all her heart, but you need to understand that she’s simply enjoying exploring this fascinating world that’s slowly opening up before her eyes. In fact, I’d say it’s a great sign that she is maturing nicely.

Presumably she still finishes at 3 ish, so not that much longer. They will probably do more fun things like rehearse Chirstmas songs or pe after lunch. She is one of the older ones so surprised she was not ft from the start.

When each of my DD's got to the age where they went to school for full days I felt this too. I loved being their mum and got to stay home with them until they started school. Those days at home with them are some of the happiest and content I have ever felt. We went out, met friends, had fun at home and I just loved their little company. So yes, I did feel this too as each of them went happily to school all day and I knew those young days at home were now over for good.

Its hard for some of us but we have no choice but to adjust to it but its okay for you to feel a little sad that those times are now over. Just don't dwell on it and try and look forward to her coming home from school and create a new little routine of fun things when she is back.

You will find you appreciate school holiday time much more and then those times become important and amazing and you have MANY of those ahead of you to look forward to.

Each stage they go through is an adjustment for a parent, like the times when they start to become independent people, teenagers and then young adults. We are never really ready for any of it.

As a mum to two adult DD's now who have both left home, please just enjoy and embrace every stage you are at. Enjoy it for the good things about it and the bad because before long they will be grown up and you will be left wondering where the hell it all went. ❤

It’s ok to feel your feelings. Your expectations of the next 2 months have been changed in a big way, outwith your control, and that’s hard. Also,
your own role/sense of purpose has changed. Do something nice for yourself with this time.

Quite honestly you’ll be holding her back if she’s part time. My dd was full time as soon as she started reception and she’s summer born so had only just turned 4. She’d be missing out on lessons and learning with everyone else and opportunities to play and make friends. Plus most children actually enjoy school at that age they do class projects, trips, outdoor learning, games, sports. The progress my DD made in just a few months was huge.

Crying seems a bit extreme. As does not letting her go FT from the start of term. It’s unusual to keep a child on a part time table unless there are some sort of significant additional needs that means they struggle to be in school. And think about it logically- isn’t it fantastic that’s she’s settled so well in school and that she’s enjoying it? They usually do all the fun stuff in the afternoon so she will be missing out on that plus the time with her friends who I’m sure are all FT. Keeping her at home, because you’re struggling with her moving on to the next phase of childhood, would be selfish so I know it’s hard but you are 100% doing the right thing by letting her go FT from now on. Use the extra time to do some nice things for yourself- you’ve earned it! And think of all the fun stuff you can plan for the xmas hols.

She will be absolutely fine. Don’t hold her back from a full life just because you’re anxious. And don’t set her up to think school is an imposition. Both of my dc love school (and were in FT nursery 9-5 before that). They have lovely friends there and get to do lots more socialising that I could facilitate at home (because there is no one to socialise with during the school day). School days are actually very short. You will have loads of time for activities after school and on the weekends.

How can you then use that time for you? Do you work? Can you sign up for a course or training? Can you do something to improve your health and wellbeing in those extra hours? There is so much more to do in the world than just be a parent so I’d see it as opening up time for you rather than taking anything away.

As pp have said, they will finish at 3 ish anyway. Plus you still have weekends, teacher training days and school holidays and snow days, heating failure, teacher strikes etc. There will still be plenty of time to do fun things!

It's not about not wanting the time with you, she's probably just feeling left out being the one who leaves early every day when all her friends get to stay and play together for the rest of the day.

Plan some nice things to do at weekends and school holidays and let her grow her wings

I know change is really hard but it's lovely that she's so happy at school as she has years of school ahead of her. I am also surprised you kept her going part time when she's almost 5, but you had an extra bit of time with your afternoons and now can reframe it and find a new routine together.

You are actively holding her back in her development

Part time can actually be disruptive for young children. They feel like they miss out and want to be with their friends.
Don't make school a negative thing and be glad she is happy there.

Goodness me …

Do you not want to get back to work?

I think it's easier for them to make friends if they're all there every day. I didn't even know part time was an option tbh, unless for SEN.

She will be fine. It is always hard when something changes and you are going to see less of your children though, so I do empathise. It does get easier as times goes on

I felt sad when mine started full time school. Like a pp said, I loved having them at home with me, spending days out and about when most people sre at school and museums and playparks were quiet.

Sending them off to school was the end of something special for me.

But it was also the start of something else which was also special. I loved seeing them grow and learn new things.

Life is one big change after another. You can't stop time so you just have to roll with the changes x

Look on the bright side. She is happy in school and ready to do longer days.

It's ok to feel sad about them growing up, but we can't allow those feelings to hold them back.

You should be pleased that she's enjoying school enough to want to be full-time. Take it as proof that you've successfully prepared her to launch into the world on her own. :) She's growing up and thriving.

As a December birthday, she's considered one of the older ones in the class, and it's likely the teachers are looking a bit askance, considering there are children in the class who are quite a lot younger, who are doing full time already.

Hold back.
She is your baby, you don’t want to look back and think of all the time you missed with her.
Life is long. She will be tied to school for years and years.
School legally starts the term after they turn 5. That’s when our generation started reception.

I think the school get more money for full time pupils,so it will be about money at the end of the day!

I held back going full time until my daughters were 5, it wasn’t a popular decision at their school , but it fitted our family, that’s all that matters and they weren’t shattered either.

Stay strong.
You could always do every other day at school and keep Thursday and Tuesday for home. It’s your daughter, you know what’s best.

How does this work? Because things like phonics, my son will learn sounds like ie/I/y/ie/igh during a week. So presumably you just miss i on Tuesday and ie on Thursday and have to catch up?

As if this isn’t what they learn all through reception and year 1 and year 2 quite frankly. Over and over again…..

My children are in year 7 , one flying, one not so much ( they are very different children), and they are both being taught things from year 4/5/6

It’s so positive that she wants to, this would be so much harder all round if she were desperate to stay home and you had to force her to school. It’s a sign of a very healthy attachment to you that she is confident and feels able to go to school so happily op so well done!