My child going full time :(

[Thelonelymumma]

Hi. My daughter started reception 2 months ago and as she’s only 4 she does part time 8:30-11:30 she’s 5 end of december so doesn’t legally have to go full time till Jan she was loving doing part time and then spending rest of day with me but teacher asked me and her to do full time and she wanted too. I was absolutely heart broken this morning. I thought she enjoyed half time at school and fun things with me as she knows once Jan comes she has to do full time till 18 years old but she wants to do full time I’ve accepted it but can’t help crying walking back home as wanted that little extra time with her :( anyone else feel like this or is it just me

I was sad when my eldest started reception (did full days from the start) but then again I had a baby under 1 to keep me busy so I didn't dwell on it too much. My younger one is doing mornings at preschool now and when she goes ft, it will be sad not to have our afternoons together, but I've always expected her to go ft at preschool age and then do reception ft from the start. I've got a list of things though that I've been putting off as it's hard to fit in with just a few hours in the morning - from redecorating the house, sorting out the garden, art and dance classes, some health/wellbeing treatments, visiting exhibitions and places further away than I'd go with just a 3 hour window. I'm sure there are things you need to get done which are hard to fit in now, so I'd try to focus on the start of a new phase in life for you and your dc. We have events booked in for the weekends in the run up to Christmas and the holidays too so we can make the most of family time. I try to get all chores sorted during school hours so we can just enjoy our time together at weekends.

This is a huge you problem and you need to stop projecting on to your poor child. You shouldn’t be having conversations with your 4 year old daughter trying to guilt her into not going to school and using phrases like “if you go now you’ll be in school full time until you’re 18”

You are risking passing on anxiety to her and she should feel nothing but excitement and positive thoughts about school.

It's just you. My mum held me back from school until the term after I turned 5 (she's a bit of a hippy and doesn't like to be told what to do) and I've always felt I would have preferred to have started with everyone else. I felt like an outsider, and children don't like to feel different.

You need to be positive about school, for your daughter's sake. You'll have plenty of time with her in the endless holidays, assuming you don't work. And the school day is only six hours.

Bear in mind you had a child, not a mate to hang out with. She needs to go to school now.

I was really depressed once mine were both at school full time but if it's the right thing for them you really do have to suck it up. Your feelings aren't wrong but you can't hold back your child to meet your needs.

There will be some fun Christmas activities coming up for her soon. For her sake try to act positive about this.

Isn’t it the truth tho no point sugar coating it she will be going to school till 18 so only telling the truth. And yes u probably are right im probs just a little sensitive right now as not long lost my dad to suicide and I’m a very young mum too so maybe in my head I’m grieving my dad and also my daughter leaving but in a different way.

She’s not a pet project.

you need your own life and not just live through her.

I’m very sorry to hear about your dad.

maybe reframe it. You’ve made her feel so secure and loved that she feels safe and happy making the step to full time. That’s amazing news. And this time of year is the most exciting- Christmas play practice, pantos, Christmas activities etc- the perfect time to go full time. You sound like you’ve done an amazing job with her- make sure you’re responding really positively to her being grown up enough to make her own decisions on what she wants and for doing so well in school.

Your feelings about this aren't wrong, trust me I still really miss the activities I used to do in the week before mine were at full time school. Unless you want to homeschool this is a transition that has to be made and it's a great thing if she is confident and happy to go full time to school.

Some of us do feel a grief when it comes to this and that's fine, it can be worked through. It sounds like you've been through a terrible time with what happened to your dad, have you had any support there?

Sorry about some of these replies OP! I think some people are used to their children going to nursery 9-5 so school is no different, a shorter day if anything! But when you’ve been at home with them, 6 hours seem like forever.

Also, people say “it’s only until 3, lots of time before and after” but for lots of children, those are the good hours! Before is a rush to get them out of the house and afterwards some children are an emotional mess and just need to lie down in their rooms and do nothing! So you’re left with the crap parenting part and none of the joy.

It’s not just you OP, I’m the same.

You will obviously get no sympathy on here because people have no empathy apparently but I get it, it must be so hard I am dreading it already and mine is only eighteen months! Just make sure your daughter doesn’t pick up on any of your negative feelings about it which Im sure she won’t.

I’m sorry to hear about your dad. It must be an emotional time for you.

I think you do need to consider how you talk about school to your daughter. Yes, she’ll be in education until she’s 18 but why talk about it in negative terms? We’re lucky to live in a country that offers free education until 18. School is an opportunity to learn and develop and make friends.
Parental attitudes towards education rub off on their children.

She’s a child, she shouldn’t have to be thinking about all the years she has to come in education.

she should be excited and enjoying living in the here and now.

Im sorry for the loss of your father but you need to stop treating yourself child like an adult and friend.

she deserves to be at school with her peers where she wants to be and not being guilted by her mother to stay home with her.

But do the children who miss those days not just end up really confused and then having to re-learn and slow progress with reading?

And do the teachers not get very frustrated because they have to remember that Milly didn't do the sounds the rest of the class covered last week?

I’ve worked in these classes, actual letter learning like you are talking about happens for about 10/15 minutes each day and sometimes no one learns anything that day or they only understand a little of it, or they forget it . Often the younger reception children are too tired to even think straight.

Of course sometimes children already know it.

Teachers know that learning is not linear.

Of course they would prefer everyone present and learning in a linear fashion, but that it is not law until they are 5 and learning in a linear fashion is idealistic.

Hence the repetition.