Have I royally mucked up on behalf of my daughter or is this OCD/anxiety?

[Lalalandy]

Hi everyone. I posted this on baby names but I think was misunderstood and is more about my fear that I’ve made a huge parenting fail. I feel dizzy, nauseous and hugely anxious with it. It’s an overreaction for sure, (and a hugely bizarrely delayed one) but I’d love any words of advice or support.

Backstory - my husband didn’t like any of my names for our daughter. He suggested one which I said was extremely close to my middle name, I questioned whether it was too close to my middle name (basically an extremely close variant)… long story short, I thought ‘well, I love it, I barely think of my middle name and it’s different’. Fast forward to last wkd (years later!!!) where someone discovered my middle name and said ‘how cute’ - basically thinking it was like a namesake for my daughter. I nearly doubled over as it just hasn’t really ever crossed my mind. I’ve felt sick ever since.

This is not to criticise honour names or the like, which can be lovely, but purely so unintentional and not ‘me’.

I don’t care what others think but I hugely care that my daughter will hate this when she’s older. I feel I’ve failed in giving her a truly individual name. My daughter also so happens to be fiercely independent and a real character, which makes me worry even more. Like she'll have a constant reminder of me 😫

It’s like the below:

Me: Laura Anne Williams
Daughter: Anna Florence Williams

So do I need to go and change my middle name, or arrange some therapy (not saying that in jest, I’m a mess and have had CBT before)? I’ve had severe anxiety/pure o at points in my life, so feel this could also be that (hoping) x

I hope you get the help you need, this must be very hard to live with.

My DD has my mother’s middle name as a middle name, which was also my grandmother’s first name. She also has a family name from her father’s side. No-one gives a shiny shit about it and DD seems to like it. I can’t think of any reason to attach anything negative to this.

Or even a non issue.

Don't give it a moment's further thought. But yes, it is maybe worth getting some more therapy.

It’s Louise as my middle name and Louisa as her first name.

I’m assuming that you’re 30 something, in which case Louise was “the” middle name that girls had by default (for my DDs’ age groups, loads and loads of people are “Something May”). So it’s not something that would immediately resonate - even if anyone actually knew it, which most people you know probably won’t, or won’t think about even if they do! I have loads of friends whose middle names I couldn’t tell you. So please believe that you are worrying about a complete non issue here! It’s hard when something gets into your head and becomes a worry, but please try to forget about it if you can. Your DD has a lovely name and it is definitely “hers” in her own right.

Oh no it’s absolutely fine, don’t give it another thought.

Remember, lots of people are named after their dad/loved one. But your daughter’s name is just similar - and it’s your middle name, who even thinks about middle names except at the baby naming stage? Please don’t worry. It’s fine!

Agree with the others, it’s fine. You def need some help though with your anxiety.