Really upset over playground incident.

[August24Mama]

Sorry for the long post. I brought my 14mo to the playground today, this is the first time she's been as a walking toddler and she was loving her life. There was this kid, if I had to guess, around 3 years old. My baby loves socialising so she was socialising with other kids there. This particular kid eyed her up, walked straight over to her and pushed her over. I was pissed but she didn't cry and the parent "corrected" the kid, so I held my tongue and chalked it up to kids being dumb.

But same kid about 10 minutes later, came up to my girl again and tried to grab her head and stick his thumbs in her eyes!! My babys dad was right next to her and grabbed the kids hand and stopped him, and the parent came over and got her kid. How would a kid even think to do that?? Is this just normal behavior?? It didn't seem like the parent tried to do much correcting at all, just a simple "don't do that." If that was my baby I'd remove her from the park and say no more playtime if you're going to be mean to other kids.

I'm a FTM with not much experience with kids, but seeing my baby be treated like that broke my heart, she looked so confused. She was fine after 10 seconds and went back to playing not a problem, but I'm really upset over this.

Is it okay etiquette to tell other kids in the playground to go away? Or to grab their hands if they're trying to harm my child? What's the proper way to deal with this? All of the other kids were lovely, but this one kid just seemed very very mean. He just singled my baby out, he didn't touch any of the other kids.

Feeling really sad that my baby will inevitably encounter bad people in her life, but I didn't expect it to happen at 14mos. How do I teach her to deal with this in the future?

I think its fine to physically intervene to separate them if they're going to hurt your baby. If it was my child, I'd remove them, they only get one warning, if they can't play nicely, we'd go home.

their kid sounds like hard work,
i guess they are doing their best?
dont let that put you off though

You will have loads on here saying it's normal. It's not. Or maybe it's special needs so should be tolerated. However imo it's not normal and it shouldn't be tolerated whether the child is special needs or not.

That sounds horrible, its never nice seeing a kid hurt one of yours. When my DC1 was a similar age we were at a soft play, she wasn't even walking yet and was totally minding her own business crawling about. An older toddler just honed in on her that day and bit her four times in about 2 hours. The parents were not watching him and the last time I pulled him off her and we left. I was so, so upset, i remember sobbing in the car. But unfortunately it does happen and it is often a bigger kid picking on a smaller one.

I would never ever hesitate to gently but firmly physically restrain a child who was actively attacking mine, if their parents were not doing it.

Now I have a boisterous toddler there is no way we'd remain at a playground if she dared attack any child, we'd be straight home.

His parents should've apologised properly.

Please remember the child is 3, it’s a bit harsh to equate them to ‘meeting bad people’. I know 3 year olds seem massive when you’ve got a smaller toddler but they are still tiny.

100% it isn’t good behaviour and hopefully the parents will get a handle on it. Some kids go through phases when little where they are aggressive, some have SEN.

I wasn't referring to the kid as a bad person, but rereading I can see that it comes off as me doing so. I blame the parent more than the kid. It just got me thinking on how in her lifetime she will deal with bad people, I suppose we all have. That fact just makes me sad though, wish I could wrap her in bubble wrap forever

Stuff happens. Swot away the other kud and move your child away . The other kid is not malicious or "bad person"

Some young kids are just horrible. I remember being in play school (so 3) and a girl I was sat next to on the floor during story time turned around to me and just poked me full on in the eye on purpose. I remember being really shocked that someone would hurt me for no reason. I was a quiet and shy child so just sat on the carpet with a streaming eye and didn’t say a word to anyone. I didn’t even know the girl, she wasn’t a friend or anyone I’d ever had anything to do with.

I never told a soul but I’m 41 now and I’ve never, ever forgotten that horrible girl.

I hope your toddler is ok OP x

You aren’t unreasonable to be shocked, but as soon as your child goes into full-time childcare, you will see that toddlers don’t have rational thought and you can’t stop everything they do.

When my son was 18 months old, he started biting people. It was out of frustration. I’d go to a play group with him. All of the experienced parents brushed it off and assured me it was fine. It was never a big bite, he’d. just put his teeth on people.

One day a bit a child who was what they call on here a precious first born. The mother of the child was at one end of the room, I was at the other they were fighting over toy we just couldn’t stop it. I kid you not she absolutely lost her mind. she was trying to say that my child had some sort of rationale and a premeditated injuring her child.

So just some advice, learn to roll with it, one day it might be your child poking and biting the other kids and you probably will feel different then.

If you think your child is about to be hurt, etiquette goes out of the window. Remove your child or the other child, as firmly as necessary without hurting them. And speak to them firmly but without shouting.

@August24Mama

Posters will come along and tell you that kids aren't bad. That's a myth people like to tell themselves. Realistically some kids are just little s@#ts from an early age. They torment and attack others and their parents will try to find reasons to explain it away whilst they carry on attacking other kids. You can have SNs and be a good person but you can also be a little s@#t. Two things can be true at the same time.

I'm sorry you experienced this today but you have to watch your kids like a hawk when they are socialising to ensure they're safe because you really can't trust other parents to actually parent these days.

I remember another kid jumped on DS and bit him, right in front of everyone. His mother did tell him off but he was notorious for biting and attacking other kids. He just grew up to be a bully. Some kids are little psychos!

You sound like a lovely mum and your DD will be fine. Just take it as a lesson to not let your guard down around kids you don't know.

This. Of course it's not okay. And I'm glad the parents intervened. But omg the kid is 3. You have to watch your kids really closely in public places while they're tiny. My son actually got attacked by a dog in a playground. You never know what is going to happen and you cannot trust small kids or animals (or anyone really, for that matter - an adult threw a used cigarette that almost landed on my son once!).

Totally agree with this.

Obviously the child shouldn't have grabbed your child. But you knew that they were prone to impulsive moves, so I wouldn't have let my baby go near them again. Sounds like the parents were close and ready to intervene and didn't object to your partner stopping him physically, so it's a standard park interaction.

And while undesirable, it's not unusual behaviour for a toddler. It might be your child in a year or two.

I don’t, and I had a biter.

I couldn’t be at the other side of the room in his peak biting stage because it could happen in the blink of an eye so I had to follow him around and be prepared to grab him if it looked like he was going to bite or shove or kick.

Children should absolutely not be blamed or deemed horrible for this sort of behaviour but adults do have a responsibility to intervene.

@August24Mama when my DS was two, very nearly three, I remember going to a playground with him where he was like a Rottweiler with a particular child, just kept going over to them and trying to hurt them and carried on even when I warned him we would go if he didn’t stop (which we did.) Unfortunately, some toddlers do go through a very volatile stage with other children. My DS did and my DD (2 now) hasn’t yet. It isn’t parenting, it’s more to do with temperament.

My DS is now nearly five and he doesn’t attack children any more, he’s actually really popular and makes friends very easily. Most children are sweet at fourteen months but there can be a big shift at around eighteen months!

Guessing you didn't have multiple small children then! 2 under 2 (when the older one is a biter) is not as easy as you make it sound! 😅 I vividly remember trying to climb a ladder on a pirate ship in a playground to get to my bitey 2 year old with my baby breastfeeding... do not miss those days!

Thankfully my son, like yours, grew out of it. I'm just grateful people were tolerant and kind at the time👌Now I'm a far kinder and less judgemental person as a result.

I have a two and a half year age gap between mine. It is really difficult but honestly I wouldn’t have gone to places like that with him during that stage. I always avoided the church hall toddler groups beloved by MN and soft plays as he just couldn’t be trusted!

It is hard with two though so I sympathise. Not trying to sound judgey … just trying to balance everyone’s needs. I am hugely sympathetic to parents of biters but I do also think the onus has to be on us to be proactive about things!

Just stay with her so you can intervene physically if someone tries to hurt her. Luckily most kids are not little sociopaths but some are, and others are being abused at home and is doing the same to someone smaller than themselves.
My DS1 (asd) never tried to hurt anyone but he could be clumsy and grab things and just not be following rules. I stayed with him all the time to prevent him getting into trouble and show him appropriate ways to socialise. It's never a good excuse that your kid has sen. If your kid has behavioural problems it's the parents' responsability to make sure he doesn't bother anyone else. Which means you have to be proactice and anticipate his moves and staying next to him. The other children have a right to play safely.

Yes this is pretty normal. I'd be surprised if any parent hasn't experienced this. It gets worse as they get older too. I was never phased by little ones hurting my DC, a 3 year old doesn't understand their impact on others or have the capacity to be intentionally malicious and young children forget and move on easily. Dealing with bullying teens is another matter, that is upsetting! You probably do need to toughen up and work on your resilience if this has been so upsetting.

Yabu with the it "broke my heart" stuff. You need to get used to it this will happen regularly in various forms.

At that age you have to shuffle.arpund after them as they are as likely to topple off something as get manhandled by a toddler.

That said when i see little shit heads in the playground (and you KNOW who they are)
I am totally happy to physically get in-between my child and aforementioned little shits and tell them to go play elsewhere and that i am watching them.
I have also grabbed a child's hand (possibly a bit hard ... oops-a-daisy!) when he went to push my child off a platform...

Thanks everyone for your different perspectives. I was standing within arms reach of my baby with the first push but admittedly I didn't think the kid was going to push my baby so I shouldn't of trusted the kid not to do anything. It all just happened so fast.

The second incident her dad was right next to her, I don't think he foresaw the kid trying to gouge out my babys eyes either. I've learned my lesson on being less trusting of strange kids in the future!

i'm worried about her lack of socialisation with other kids, (theres no other young babys in mine or my partners family) but I'm thinking that shes probably a bit young to play with other kids in the park, lesson learned on my part!

When you have a 14MO you just need to stay with them at all times. A child may be slightly older and bigger than yours but they’re all still tiny really and need close supervision. It’s not malicious when they’re that young. And from the behaviour you’re describing I’m guessing the other kid was barely 2 but tall for their age.

And also yes a 14MO is too young to play with other kids at the park. Doesn’t mean they can’t go on the swings and enjoy trotting about but they’re not socialising at that age and are more a liability than anything else so you need to have eyes in the back of your head!

Either me or her dad were within arms reach at all times, I wouldn't just let my 14mo who's only been walking for a month loose in the park lmao

We just didn't foresee both incidents occurring, they both happened so fast and I was ignorant to the fact that some kids just actively inflict harm on other kids for fun. I've never really been around other kids before besides my own, no other babies in the family.

I've learned my lesson and won't let my child near any other strange children until she can hold her own.

Just stop them if they act like that, apologise to the parents, but say you had to protect your child. Your child comes first, obviously don't hurt another child, but reasonable force to protect yours.