Should I allow this sleepover?

[Confusedmama70]

Hi everyone, so I need some advice.
I know a fellow school mom and we have connected in terms of our personal lives. We both are single parents, with 2 daughters in the same years at the same school (years 1 and 2). We get along well and have had a few play dates, mutual kids parties etc, days out.

She approached me in the playground yesterday and mentioned her older daughter (6) is going for a sleepover with one of her friends from the school and her younger daughter (5) has requested a sleepover with my youngest (5).

I immediately felt uncomfortable but I was also put on the spot and I’m not good in these situations so I kind of said ‘yeah we can sort something out, I’ll pop you a message’. She mentioned about possibly coming over and spending time up until bedtime so the girls would be ready for bed etc and then she would leave.

I have many concerns. The girls are 5 - I feel this is too young?
What if the girl wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to go home? The other mother doesn’t drive.
I don’t know if she’s planning for 1 of her daughters or both of her daughters to come.. this leaves me with 4 children on my own which is very overwhelming. I don’t know where everyone would sleep? I was also really looking forward to this half term to recharge.
I don’t want to say yes and then they suggest one at their house next time. We had an instance of my daughter leaving her house during a play date (whilst we were all there) and coming back to me to check if she could cross the road. I was in shock and so grateful my daughter came back to me to check.
Also, my older daughter (6) her best friend is a boy and I’m worried that if she sees her younger sister have a sleepover she would be none stop nagging me for a sleepover with her bestie.

Am I overthinking or overreacting? In my mind I don’t want to do sleepovers full stop but would feel more comfortable at my house. But even then didn’t expect this to come up till they were at least 8-9.

Please let me know your thoughts.

thank you!

I wouldn’t
far far far too young

I wouldn’t think twice about just saying “second thoughts, too young but thanks for the invite”

5 is young for a sleepover. My eldest was probably 9 and youngest has been to Beavers camp for a night at 7 (but never at someone’s house).

Totally apart from that, it’s rude to invite yourself for a sleepover at someone else’s! Say, oh I bet the girls would love that, and offer to bring yours to hers for the night. I bet she’d change her tune really quick. Is she trying to arrange for the same night as her older daughter is away? It sounds like she’s seeing you as free childcare for a night off from both of them, which is pretty cheeky.

Just say you think she’s too young. I personally wouldn’t allow sleepovers until secondary age.

No way. That's super young. All your concerns are valid.

And lots of kids don't have sleepovers, ever. They're not traumatised by it in any way. I think camp or beavers is very different to being in another family's house.

Absolutely not. I think 5 is even a bit a young for a play date without mum being there also nevermind a sleepover. Not a chance

God no.

Small concerns- child may need picking up in the middle of the night, may pee the bed, may be anxious and have a bad night...

Big concern- you can't trust people with your child to this extent!!! They could do anything to her, it doesnt matter how nice or normal they seem when presenting themselves to the world

Too young

Also agree very cheeky to invite her daughter to YOURS. She’s got rid of her eldest so looking for a child free night clearly.

Way too young. It sounds like the other mum is keen to have a child free night and is suggesting a sleepover to get a free child free night!

Too young

She'll just want to come home at 8pm

Jeez mine have been having sleepovers since nursery (but in a military lifestyle so prob slightly different circumstances).

5 seems very young to have a sleepover.

Especially if the mum is going to stay until bedtime, that suggests her daughter wouldn’t settle without her.

She wants to go out for the night.
Her older child is at a sleep over so shes trying to get rid of the youngest too

This 👆🏽

Thank you so much everyone! You have validated my thoughts and feelings on this.

We tried a sleepover with a neighbours dd when my dd was 6. She arrived back in the middle of the night! We only lived 5 houses apart and she played with the neighbours dd everyday after school and at the weekend!

That’s bananas.

Absolutely agree with you, thank you.

I personally don’t want to do sleepovers full stop. I don’t know why I doubted myself - I think because it was suggested at my house. I know I’m a safe person but it shocks me that this mom would be happy to hand over her child for the night.

I would rather my children sulk but be safe!!

This

I think 5 is too young. I think my kids were 7 or 8 before they did sleepovers and even then it was with my closest and oldest friends. Just tell her you've given it some thought and you think the girls are too young. It sounds like she wants a free night if her other daughter is going on a sleepover as well!

In my view five is much too young for sleepovers. It’s really that simple. Forget the rest of the complications. It was also quite rude of her to suggest it happen at your house! It’s one thing to be invited to a sleepover, quite another to invite your own child to someone else’s house! She is trying to use you for childcare.

My daughter started going on sleepovers with friends at 4/5 and her friends staying with us but those friends lived either next door or further along the street so it wasn’t an issue if she woke up wanting to go home. My daughter is now 11 and has always regularly has sleepovers with both boys and girls now they are older i still allow her to have male friends stay over but i insist the door stays open or it’s a group sleepover with boys ans girls and they no longer share a bed but this only changed roughly a year ago.

1. Just tell her you've spoken to your daughter and feel she's too young and not ready for it yet.
2. I don't think you can teach your older daughter that it's OK to have sleepovers with girl friends but with her best friend because he's a boy, at that age. You're either happy for her to be friends with this boy or not and at that age you are the one potentially sexualising the encounter, not them. In a few years you may have to have conversations with her about appropriate behaviour but not yet.

I agree too young. 9 or 10 better age

Definitely too young! I would say you’ve had a think and you’re not comfortable doing sleepovers yet, but how about a late play date instead, so they can get into pyjamas, have a film/snacks snuggled under blankets etc, and get collected at 9pm ish - mine still often prefer that (though pick up time has gone as late as 11.30pm!). They then get to sleep in their own beds but have had the excitement of a bedtime play date.

It's also bloody rude to suggest one at your house at whatever age